Rokkenjima Hotel
by Densetsu-no-Maguro
Summary: There is a famed hotel on the island of Nijima, which is the Rokkenjima Hotel. Witness the antics of the inhabitants and residents as they cope with life away from the city for two months! AU. R&R!
1. Miss Cow Tits

**Chapter 1

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**

_**Nijima Tourism: Sightseeing Locations.**_

_The island of Niijima is known for its moderate development, ever soothing greenery and constant improvisation for the convenience of its inhabitants. It isn't a relatively large island, for it was still growing and hasn't contributed any major parts to the pollution of the environment, making it a nice place for recreational activities and sightseeing. This place, however, is prone to earthquakes, but they don't seem to be happening these days, leaving the tourists and locals at ease. On this little island, there is, however, a relatively nice hotel, but none is permitted to stay in it due to its owner's odd and peculiar restrictions. Only the family of the owner can stay in the hotel, and maybe a few guests who had extremely valid reasons (or powerful relations) to stay in the rather well-known and extremely posh Rokkenjima Hotel.

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_

"Incompetent!"

Right next to a convenience store, Ushiromiya Battler accidentally knocked down a girl his age with blonde (or goldish) hair tied up in a neat bun who dropped her books. The scene took place in the Nijima airport, where he was running to the nearest payphone to call his sister Ange, who seemed to have lost her way in the airport while reading a tourism flyer. The lady picked her books up, stood up and huffed, brushing back her hair as she pointed accusingly at Battler who was doing the very same action.

"Incompetent? You were the one who knocked me first!" Battler angrily responded to her outburst. "I know that we men have to apologize for knocking ladies down, but in this case, you have the weight of a cow! And you call me 'incompetent'?"

The lady gasped, mortified. "A….a cow? You compare me to a lowly cow? I…I….I've never heard such….such insults! You should respect me, if you know what's good for you! And apologize right this instant for knocking me down!"

"What? Apologize? You really have some nerve…."

All at once, a white haired woman helped her up, bowed politely and smiled. "I'm very sorry for her rudeness, young man. Please forgive my student, and if you will excuse us, we'll be on our way." Obviously wanting to get the girl out of there, the woman held her by the hand in a motherly manner, dragging her away as the girl trashed about and struggled to be free, but the other lady obviously didn't want to lose face or let the situation get worse. As for Battler, he was simply confused at what went on, but one thing's for sure:

That girl had some delicious cow tits. And she seemed to have dropped her ID.

* * *

To most people, Rokkenjima Hotel was just a simple, eccentric hotel which had its fair share of five stars. I guess that's an understatement, for Ushiromiya Kinzo's hotel is well known around the entire nation of Japan, much to his dismay, for many people raced for his vast fortune and rumoured stash of gold.

There are approximately five servants in the hotel, and one doctor. Now this may sound as if they're running out of staff, but due to the restrictions, it seemed more than enough to accommodate his bunch of people. The hotel was lavishly furnished with a huge chandelier hanging in the main hall, and golden elevators on each floor. There was also the portrait of a majestic lady with golden hair tied in a bun, reclining as her eyes seemed to look at your very movements. The logo of the hotel (which was a golden wing) was everywhere, even on the staff's coats, blazers and socks. As if on cue, the doors opened to reveal numerous people with travel bags, lugging their luggage in with rather happy smiles. Everyone entered simultaneously, talking to each other, some admiring the exclusive interior of the hotel as a young, brown haired female servant politely bowed and smiled before the honoured and permitted guests of the hotel.

"Welcome to the Rokkenjima Hotel," she said in a sweet voice, but flinched when she thought she had said the wrong greeting. "Um…I mean, welcome back to the….wait, that's not it…! W-welcome….."

"Thank you, Shannon!" A girl with blonde hair tied up in a ponytail smiled, obviously answering for the massive crowd of people. The valet collected their bags, and a young servant with black hair and a red beret passed by, giving the girl a small glance while hiding his luminescent blush. Noticing the servant, the girl by the name of Ushiromiya Jessica ran after him, obviously wanting to talk to him about everything and nothing at all as she walked alongside him while helping to push the luggage cart, much to the servant's dismay. It was obvious that he didn't want his master to help him, but due to her plucky persistence, he gave in with a small smile. Her father Krauss was aghast, but her mother Natsuhi distracted him by feigning a small headache, reeling Krauss in to take care of his weak wife.

"I…it's nothing, dear," Natsuhi smiled. "When's Lion coming?"

Krauss sighed, crossing his arms as he looked at his mobile phone, resisting the urge to call his eldest son as he tried averting his thumb from the digits. "Lion might come after a week, I think. He said he had things to do in the local prosecutor's office, so it might take him a while to sail to Nijima."

"Oh dear!" Natsuhi gasped when she heard the word 'prosecutor's office'. "Is….is he in trouble? Our son, is he in trouble?"

"For God's sake, Natsuhi! He's fine!" Krauss yelled. "You know that Will lad he mixes with, he's a prosecutor…..wait, wasn't he an inquisitor….oh bloody hell. Lion's just there to help him out with a few crime cases due to his intelligence. Ah, our son…"

Natsuhi heaved a sigh of relief, knowing that her son WASN'T a criminal, and was actually helping to serve justice for his country. In actuality, he was just trying to find ways to escape from coming to Nijima, especially away from his deranged grandfather who would press him with the inheritance issues of the hotel. Sure, he'd love to pinch those butts (especially his dearest sister Jessica's), but not at the moment. He already had a good butt to pinch back in Tokyo, notably a certain inquisitor's.

From the entrance, eighteen-year old college student Ushiromiya Battler looked bored to death, fumbling with the little ID. His sister, Ange looked equally bored, but in reality, she was just trying to mimic her brother.

"So her name is Beatrice….." Battler sighed, looking at Ange. "Ange, how long are we supposed to be here again?"

Ange took out her pocket calendar from her summer dress pocket and read it. "Approximately two months, onii-chan. Why?"

"Nothing….argh….that blondie sure knocked me hard. What's with her anyways, calling me incompetent! She should fall for my goddamn looks, and her tits weren't bad either…." and with this, he smiled lecherously, but snapped out of it. "But anyways! If I see her again, I'll force her to apologize, and…"

"Technically onii-chan," Ange crossed her arms. "As breathtakingly handsome you are, it's still your fault for knocking her."

As soon as Ange spoke, the siblings were suddenly tackled into a giant bear hug, squishing the sides of their faces together as the yelped in pain and shock. Their father, Rudolf embraced his two children, grinning stupidly as he bellowed with his oh-so-youthful spirit. Their mother simply smiled, enjoying the antics of her dear husband as she went off to register the family at the reception.

"Oh come on, my children! Have the youthful spirit of fun during the holidays! What's more," and with this, he pointed to a few schoolgirls walking outside and grabbed Battler, "don't you think those girls are pretty hot huh? That figure, those curves….And look at that….you'll never find those in Tokyo! What do you think, huh son?"

"Onii-chan's clearly not interested, right onii….."

Her sentence was cut short with the predicted response of her elder brother. Both father and son stared at the schoolgirls pass by, blood trickling dangerously from their nostrils and drool coming out from their mouths. Ange sighed disbelievingly as she joined her mother at the reception, who was getting the latest news and happenings from Genji.

"Aren't you going to stop dad, mom?"

Kyrie simply smiled at her daughter and wrote something on a piece of paper to give to Genji. "Oh you know your father, Ange. Just leave him be." She was sure and absurdly confident that her beloved husband wouldn't run away from her, well at least not now. Putting her index finger at her chin, Kyrie looked as if she was wondering about something.

She glanced at the door, and then to her daughter. "Ange, did you see La…La….uh….did you see the reporter around anywhere? I could've sworn she was here with us a minute ago…."

"You mean Miyo," Ange said her nickname in a matter-of-fact tone. "She told me that she wanted to buy sweets or something. I think she'll be back right about…."

The entrance opened to reveal a blonde-haired girl with short hair, red eyes and a cocky grin. Her camera was hanging at her neck, and she wore her signature newsboy cap which she treasured dearly (mainly because it made her look cool). This Greek and part Japanese 15-year old marched in, licking a jack-o-lantern candy while raising her hand gleefully, laughing while striking a rather sentai pose in front of the entire family.

"…..now." Ange finished.

Snapping her fingers, she flicked her hair back, grinning uncontrollably. "Did you call the great aspiring reporter Lambdadelta? Did youu~~? I know, you missed me, didn't youuu~~~ Kyahahahaha!"

Ange simply twitched, obviously taken aback by the young reporter's grand entrance. Eva somewhat smiled, welcoming her as if she was already part of the partially dysfunctional family (who obviously didn't catch on her name due to it being too long and strange). It's not every day that you get a Greek reporter tagging along, so welcome one when you have on in your hands.

"Oh, Miyo-san. Please wait for a moment while the head of the hotel comes down, and for the meantime, you can take pictures or whatever you need to finish your portfolio," she said in a gentle tone. Natsuhi stared at her sister-in-law with pure disbelief, as if she couldn't believe her eyes and ears seeing Eva being nice to a stranger they met last week and act like a total bitch to her family. Lambdadelta gave Eva a thumbs up and held up her camera to take a picture of the Ming vase at the corner, snapping at the buttons.

"Roger that, Eva-san! Maybe I'll take this one….."

"Do I hear a camera?"

The entire family dropped what they were doing and whirled to the direction of the stairs, fearing the worst. What surprised them the most was the sound of a woman, and an extra sound of footsteps accompanying the other pair of footsteps. They saw shoes, then the white pants, then the full body of the head of Rokkenjima Hotel, displaying a terrifying expression that nearly made Eva faint, Natsuhi feel double the pain of her headaches and Krauss turn pale.

But none of their expressions could rival Battler's, who was pointing while hanging his mouth open, twitching as he pointed to the other person who accompanied Ushiromiya Kinzo.

Holding an envelope of money, she was poking Kinzo with it, rather annoyed because he paid no heed to her. She was obviously pissed, cleared her throat and spoke in a very rich voice which no singer could rival, and put her hands on her hips in impatience.

"Kinzo, are you listening to me? Aren't you going to accept the rent…..."

"Keep the rent!" he bellowed. "The only rent you'll be paying me is when your sister comes back, Beatorriche! So keep that useless money with you!"

"Oh fine, fine. Sheesh, you didn't have to explode on me, Kinzo."

"I….it's YOU!"

Battler nearly squeaked out, but that really didn't matter at the moment. The woman known as Beatrice turned around and nearly shrieked the living daylights out of every soul in the building. If she had a gun, she would shoot him out of hysteria, because that's simply how she is.

"W…what are YOU doing here? You're not supposed to be here!"

"That's my line!" Battler yelled. "And who are you to come in the hotel! You must've been one hell of a person to actually get Grandfather's approval, and one hell of a person to knock me down like that in the airport!"

"Knock you down? You knocked **ME** down, Ushiromiya BAH-TORRA!"

"Alright, now how do you know my NAME?" He freaked out.

"Do you know this woman, onii-chan?" Ange whispered, partially jealous because her brother knew a girl as soon as he landed on Nijima, which trashed her plans in spending two months with her brother alone. Eyeing the girl, she could say that she was somewhat attractive, and rather….developed in the chest parts, but of course, she wanted some brother-sister time with no interruptions like her.

Especially no cackling blondies with a voice higher than a descant.

As if figuring out a brilliant plan, she managed to find her voice. Beatrice calmed down, grinned rather insanely and put her hands on her hips, revelling in victorious bliss as she laid out her revenge for the red-headed teen.

"Aha….aha….AHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is brilliant, us meeting like this! Under these circumstances, you won't stand a chance against me, Beatrice! Throughout your stay, I'll make sure your life is a living HELL! AN INFERNO! WORSE THAN THE DEPTHS OF PURGATORY! I WILL EXECUTE MY REVENGE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she cackled, each cackle increasing note by note.

Lambdadelta took out her notepad and started writing, looking at Battler's disbelieving face and Beatrice's maniacal laughter. Not to mention the confused faces of the family.

* * *

_Reviews for the Rokkenjima Hotel-By Takano Lambdadelta._

_Pointers! :D_

_Day 1: The atmosphere here is rather lively, excellent service and has its fair share of excitement. I'm __**certainly**__ looking forward to my stay here! ^_^.

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_

**A/N: Hi! I'm back! YEAH. (And I know you don't bother, but I don't care! ^^)**

So here is another fanfic set in an alternate universe. Please note that in this A/U, Nijima is the central location and there is **NO** such thing as Rokkenjima. Also, regarding Lambda's name, it has **NO** connection with Higurashi character Takano Miyo. It is an alternate universe, so anything goes, xD. Oh, and Ange's a year younger than Battler in this fic, and looks like her 1998 form.

Thanks so much for reading! Awaiting constructive criticism and reviews!

*moe eyes* Please review…..^^


	2. Absinthe Mission

Chapter 2

The Ushiromiya family were seated in a long table in the hotel restaurant, looking quite stiff and rather out of place. Jessica fidgeted, George cleared his throat rather hesitantly and Battler was sort of having a staring competition with Beatrice, staring into her azure eyes without wavering. Beatrice didn't take it seriously though, and only stared for fun to revel in the suffocating tension. Three of the hotel chefs (and the only ones) went up to different sides of the table, pouring wine in the wine glasses of the guests, displaying an excellent level of hotel service. It is, of course, their _forte_, and all of them bowed simultaneously.

"This is the highest quality wine in Nijima. I hope you will enjoy it, pu ku ku."

"'I'?" the other chef known as Genji Ronoue stepped up. "You mean 'we'."

"Surely not all of us, Genji," Gohda snorted arrogantly. "There will only be one head chef of this hotel, and it will be ME."

Genji laughed rather sarcastically. "YOU?"

"I don't mind really…." Ronove smiled. "if you want the kitchen to set on fire."

"Why you…."

Lambdadelta looked like an eager child, swirling the wine in the wine glass and inhaling the wine's aroma. She sipped it rather elegantly, then made a loud 'aaah'ing sound of satisfaction and mild euphoria. Immediately taking out her notepad, she jotted down a few things in pointers, licking her lips and then sniffed at the wine again in a rather unladylike manner. Completely ignoring her table manners, she drank before everyone else, infuriating Kinzo further.

Slamming his hands on the table, he pointed at the young reporter. "Who is this impudent girl? Haven't I made myself clear that no outsiders are allowed in this hotel?"

He exploded; yelling so loud that both Beatrice and Battler averted their gazes and winced. Krauss straightened himself up, trying not to be intimidated by his hot-headed father and stood up to introduce the bubbly blonde. "Father….this is Takano Lambd….uh…."

"Lambdadelta," the girl corrected while pointing her index finger in the air.

"Lambdadelta. Takano Lambdadelta. She's studying to be a reporter, so please allow her to do a thorough research on this hotel. Of course, she has agreed to our conditions…."

"Conditions? This hotel does not run under 'conditions'! Get her out at once!"

"Ahem," Lambdadelta spoke, standing up while reaching her bag for a small piece of paper and unfolded the contents, showing it to the curious members of the family. "I've followed all conditions regarding my report on this hotel, and I don't see why I can't at least be welcomed, kuu…."

"Alright then," Kinzo pressed deeply on the sarcasm. "So that means if you have legal documents given by my eldest son which contains 'conditions' and the absence of my consent, you can simply write a damned report on my hotel? By any means, go ahead! I know damned well that isn't valid enough to carry on your actions, so little girl, I suggest you **LEAVE** before I…."

Lambdadelta's bangs were covering her eyes, and then her mouth twisted into a rather disturbing smirk. "Would you like me to write NEGATIVE REMARKS on this hotel? ~ Kyahahaha~~ I bet you're asking for it, old man! Sure you're an old geezer, but I know you can't stand _negative remarks_ plastered about your hotel, now would youuu?" Sipping more of her wine, she cackled, resulting in the creeped out reactions of the relatives. Kinzo immediately displayed a smile, beckoning Ronove (the chef) to pour her more wine.

"Changed my mind, little girl. You may explore the hotel fit for your portfolio."

"I thought so. Thank you very much~! Now if you don't mind, please sign this contract…" Lambdadelta thrust a newly stapled paper of permanent permission, which Kinzo quickly grabbed.

"Much obliged, little girl!"

Without a moment's hesitation, the signature of Ushiromiya Kinzo and the seal of the hotel was signed and stamped.

Now Ushiromiya Kinzo may be a restricting old scrooge (not to mention a total bastard), but he knew better than to risk a negative review on his hotel. That would mean the deduction of stars, the crumbling image of the hotel and worst of all; it would give his competitors a large advantage. Then the hotel would be forced to close down before it goes bankrupt and what's worse, he'll suffer a major loss of his fortune. The fortune he was planning to give to Lion might be split in half or maybe none at all.

Wait a second….

Kinzo froze for a while, pondering about the future of the hotel if he DID get a negative review anyways. Knowing this girl, she would use her extensive grammar skills to probably exaggerate everything else.

If the hotel did close down….wait, the hotel WON'T close down because it is his residence.

The image of the hotel? He didn't give a damn! He's Ushiromiya Kinzo, for crying out loud!

His fortune? It'll be his until his deathbed, and as long as the fortune stays, the hotel's standing.

The press? To hell with the press!

Which meant that he had **nothing to worry about after all.**

"You…are very smart, little girl," Kinzo glared, intending to simply murder this little girl into pieces and hide her corpse in a backyard somewhere, where an unsuspecting neighbour might dig it up and find it. Lambdadelta simply smiled innocently, revelling in her victory of making the owner of the Rokkenjima a fool of himself and violate his first rule of the hotel. Ronove clapped, pouring more wine in Lambdadelta's glass.

"That is most impressive, Lady Lambdadelta."

"I know right! Kyahahahahaha~!" The blonde Greek laughed gleefully.

As soon as Lambdadelta laughed, the door opened to reveal an overweight man wearing a Hawaiian t-shirt, sunglasses, a straw hat and white shorts. He simply walked in, stroking his white moustache and sat right next to Kinzo, taking off his shades as he laughed heartily. Battler, Jessica, George and Maria simply stared at his rather radical style, blinking back tears and holding back giggles as they made snorting sounds, their facial expressions contorted into pure laughter. Rudolf nudged Eva while grinning uncontrollably, who was covering her face with her fan.

"N-Nice hat, Nanjo-san!" Battler howled with glee. The rest followed suit, resulting in a symphony of hysterical laughter. Nanjo, however, failed to notice that the kids were actually making fun of his radical style and instead adjusted his straw hat, thinking that it made him cooler.

"Thanks very much," he replied. "I do have a good taste for style, don't I, Kinzo?"

Kinzo rolled his eyes, obviously wondering why he even made friends with this moron of a doctor in their old days. "You look like a pig, Nanjo."

"You're just saying that because you're only wearing that suffocating tie and coat, which is the only thing that you have in your closet asides from your pyjamas."

Rosa spat out her wine, choking on it as Maria rushed to her mother's aid.

"NANJO!" Kinzo erupted, being pushed to the very edge and at the verge of losing his temper.

"What?" the doctor shrugged. "It's true!"

Looking at Kinzo's furious face, everyone in the meeting hall fell silent, knowing that he wanted to make a quick point. Pointing to a wine bottle, he raised it up, catching the attention of his family, who stared directly at it. The words '1965' signified the year when this wonderfully rich wine was brewed, and Battler sighed boredly.

"What are you trying to say here, old man?"

"Ohohoho, my grandson! I am entrusting you a task!" He boomed.

Eva smiled rather nervously. "Ahaha….you mean George, father?"

"No, not him," Kinzo waved his hand dismissively, not hearing George's disappointed sigh. "I mean Battler. Beatrice may help, and that little girl might come in handy too. Take the boy's sister too, if you want."

"Yay! An adventure~~!" Lambdadelta squealed.

"Shut up," Ange stoically backlashed.

"SILENCE!" Kinzo bellowed. "Now, this hotel has been supplied with the best wine from the best winery in Nijima, which is just across the road. However, the winery has stopped supplying us with wine and my **DESIREABLE ABSINTHE.** That family has been sending wine to this hotel for ages, and to stop their supplies suddenly like that? **I DO NOT APPROVE.**"

Beatrice played with her little stray curls, twirling it as she boredly looked at Kinzo. "And you expect us to do something about it?"

"Of course I do, Beatorriche! You four are going to investigate what's going on! This hotel runs on wine and absinthe, so get out and find the cause of the halting deliveries!"

"Ohhhh joy," Beatrice slurred.

"But grandfather," Ange interrupted. "Will…."

"OUT!" Kinzo pointed at the door, leaving the quartet no choice but to leave the room. As Ange walked out weakly, she looked back at the door, then to her brother with a rather bewildered face.

"…I was about to ask him if we're gonna get paid for this."

* * *

From a basement, a young girl with long hair wearing a plain t-shirt and jeans was inspecting the wine, checking the years as the basement was only illuminated with a small light hanging from the ceiling. As if she was pondering about something, she stood there for quite a while, then put the bottle back on the shelf and got herself a glass of water.

"…Only a miracle will prevent this from happening."

She propped herself on the sofa, and proceeded to watch a show about crying seagulls, complete with popcorn.

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**A/N: I hope I didn't screw up in this chapter…. .**

**Please review! Just look at that button right below, yup, that one! Clickk ittt, xDDD.**


	3. The little wine girl says AARGH!

_Dust flew in the background like a mini sandstorm, shielding the view of the four messengers of Kinzo. Coughs could be heard, movements were jerked and it gave the impression of being in a hot, dry desert. The shadows of the four were constantly moving (and choking), never giving up on their task despite such harsh conditions and discouraging aspects of nature. If you used your imagination, you could even cue a bit of adventurous background music. A small, masculine voice managed to squeak in the noise of the wind, but it sounded as if particles of sand were caught up in his throat, barely forming any coherent words. From the raging sand and wind, a hand emerged weakly and rather slowly, managing to latch itself to an open ice cream freezer and a cry of joy resonated._

_"**WE'VE MADE IT..." he panted, and then applied his joyous shout. "WE'VE MADE IT TO THE SUNDRY SHOP!"** Battler shouted in triumph, spreading his arms wide._

Beatrice simply kicked his right leg, causing Battler to nearly fall in the sand.

* * *

Chapter 3

"You didn't have to do that, you _witch_!"

The quartet was in front of the sundry shop, eating different coloured popsicles while leaning against the wooden wall of the shop. Battler dunked his sandy head in the ice cream freezer outside of the shop while putting an ice pack on his aching leg, Beatrice loosened a few buttons of her shirt, Ange tied her unfortunately long hair and Lambdadelta was sweating the most sweat she could ever imagine in her entire life, putting two ice packs at both sides of her neck. The merciless sun shone directly at them, making it worse as Ange tried to block the sunlight by using her hand as a visor.

"Don't ignore me!" Battler's face was red with rage as he saw Beatrice acting as if nothing happened. "Must you find fault with me every single time?"

The blonde beauty nodded, fiddling with a popsicle stick. "Well of course. It wouldn't be fun if I didn't keep your little brain in check, not to mention your hair," and with this, she pointed at his unruly red hair which had some sand in it, bawling with laughter. As if brainstorming a wonderful idea, Battler beckoned to his younger sister, who walked towards him and patted his back.

"What is it, onii-chan?" she asked rather obediently.

"Water…..two bottles. Cold. I'll give you back the change later, Ange."

Ange nodded, but not before shooting a rather murderous glare at Beatrice, who was recalling her actions with a witty grin. A few minutes later, she came out with two freezing bottles of water, which her brother took appreciatively (to her heart's delight) and poured one entire bottle on his head, washing away the sand and wetting his hair in the process. It's not like he bothered though, for he shook his head to get rid of the excess water drops and he proceeded to do the next best thing…..

"TAKE THAT!"

He opened the second bottle and splashed it all over Beatrice.

'_Oh yeah,'_ Battler thought mentally. _'The goddamn Battler reigns supreme!'_

The college student spluttered, her clothes drenched in ice cold water which stuck to her skin. Her legs were trickling with water, and her sandals were now too wet to walk in. Ange wanted to erupt with laughter, Lambda simply loosened her mouth's grip on her popsicle (causing it to fall down) and Battler simply waited for her reaction, stifling a giggle or two. Beatrice, however, simply kept mum.

Quiet.

Silent.

And it was damn deafening.

"Um….Beatrice….are you okay?" Battler instantly felt a wave of guilt, as if he was dumped an entire truckload of it. Sure the girl was a pain in the ass and a living hell to those around her, but somehow, he started to think that this was going a bit too far. And it was him who drenched her entire outfit to the point that it was so uncomfortable for her to even move, which made it an entire lot worse. Lambdadelta waved her hand in front of Beatrice's shocked face, but there was no expression whatsoever.

And then, Beatrice started laughing.

No, cross that out. She started _**cackling.**_

"Oh….Oh god….Is that the **BEST** you can do, Battler? KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Battler's expression quickly turned from apologetic and guilt to extreme irritation. Looking at the girl's enjoyment at being cooled down the express way, he suddenly realized that he was doing her a favour, cursing himself for his stupidity. She looked like a girl who just played in the water, laughing gleefully and cheerily as she made fun of Battler's lame comeback.

"Ugh…you know what? Forget it! It's useless, all useless!" Battler kicked the sand, stomping angrily as he spotted a small little shop right at the corner of his eye. Stopping his tantrum, his trance attracted Beatrice's attention, who looked at the very same shop and started explaining.

"That's Bernkastel Winery right over there," Beatrice pointed at a shop with a small 'Welcome' sign hanging at the edge of the roof. It wasn't a relatively fancy shop, but it was small and simple, having a particularly mysterious aura around it. The shop's name was printed in black and was rather big, making it simple for the tourists or locals to recognize it in a blink of an eye. There were plants surrounding it, making the shop rather one with nature, but one would wonder how the plants could survive such sweltering hot weather. The four walked towards it, more refreshed as they were rehydrated and cooled.

"Do you know the owner?" Ange asked, glancing at it. Beatrice huffed, beckoning the group to follow her as she opened the handle of the shop's door.

"Nope, but I know there's a little girl who's around her height," and with this, she indicated Lambdadelta's height, making the reporter pout rather childishly. "and that's all I know. Usually, the girl makes wine deliveries so old man Kinzo won't have to send anyone to buy it from the store…."

The interior of the winery wasn't too bad; in fact, it felt a lot like a mixture of a country home and a small bakery. It had that particular air of foreign culture, just the way Kinzo would've approved and the perfect temperature for wine brewing. None of the summer heat has reached this place, and it was evident that the caretaker of this winery took careful measures to ensure that the products are in tip top shape and ready to sell to satisfied buyers. There were wine racks everywhere, labels according to years and a small wind chime attached to the entrance, sounding itself as the quartet walked in. There were no air conditioners, but there were four ceiling fans which were put at medium speed.

"Hello?" Battler called. "Is anyone here?"

From a room, a young girl around Lambda's age walked out slowly, looking at the visitors with her blank, blue eyes and was munching on a piece of popcorn. Looking at Beatrice, she put her popcorn down on the cashier's table and grabbed the nearest apron she could find, wearing it. Her hair cascaded past her shoulders, giving her the air of a young lady. Her expression said otherwise though, and she looked at them rather indifferently instead of politely.

"Welcome to the Bernkastel Winery, how may I help...ARGH!"

The girl was immediately cut off with the young reporter tackling her to the floor, glomping her and smothering her, cutting off the poor girl's air supply harshly. Beatrice, Battler and Ange somewhat had shocked expressions plastered on their faces, witnessing Lambdadelta handle her like a stuffed toy, squishing her and petting her as if she was hers. The girl tried to break free of Lambdadelta's grasp, saying things like "Get….off me…." and miraculously, she succeeded. Her blue hair was disarrayed, and she tried to smoothen it back, trying to remain calm as she arranged her nametag.

"What….is _that?_" the girl managed to blurt out, pointing at Lambda's giggling self.

"I…I'm really sorry about that….Bern...kastel…?" Ange apologized, squinting at her nametag. To her dismay, Ange found that after the winery girl pushed Lambdadelta away, she latched right onto her again like a hopelessly lovesick cat, drooling on her shirt. Realizing that she had no way to actually get the reporter off her back at the moment, Bernkastel simply stood there, being clinged on by the blonde shortie and spoke again in a rather dry tone (but it was the same monotone no less), emphasizing heavily on each syllable.

"My name is Frederica Bernkastel. How may I **help you**?"

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for the precious reviews! Here are some brownies! :DDD

So here you are, it's Bern! Poor thing, I abused her as soon as she was introduced. I also made Bern a bit more...expressionful? (If there's such a word, xD) Good luck handling Lambda! xDDDD

Thanks so much for reading! Please review! :DDDDD


	4. Personal Reasons

Chapter 4

In the Bernkastel Winery's private parlour (where it would usually host customers with special requests for wedding wines and such), the fifteen-year-old girl of German and Japanese descent had an apathetic air, sipping her _umeboshi_ tea as she stared blankly at the quartet, as if she was waiting for them to speak first. Battler even half expected her to say something like 'Well, aren't you going to say something?' or something similar to that, but she never said a word. It's barely even her character to say so, he considered. One thing that totally destroyed all the seriousness was the mere sight of Lambdadelta latching onto Bernkastel's right arm, eating a cookie as she looked around the little parlour like a curious child, wearing a rather catty expression.

She served her guests with wine, tea and an assortment of cookies and confectioneries in the private parlour of the winery, but she had a bit of difficulty with Lambda clinging onto her hand every time she lifted things up. For Bernkastel, she felt like Atlas, who lifted the entire world on his shoulders. In her case, she had to bear having her hand pulled down by Lambdadelta's weight (which Bernkastel considered as the weight of the Earth itself, hyperbolically) with _only one arm_, which was worse. Imagine having to prepare tea with only ONE hand, with an abhorrent admirer clinging on your other one. Bernkastel knew that it would be futile to kick her away, because Lambda will latch on her again anyways, and being Bernkastel, she was a girl of few words. It was horribly annoying.

"By any chance, how much do you weigh?" she asked snidely.

"It doesn't matter, does it, _Bern_ dear~?" Lambdadelta winked, making Bernkastel blink in surprise at her newly given nickname and Ange to nearly puke. Pouring more black tea in Beatrice's cup (with her left hand this time), the winery girl looked at her with her mysterious blue eyes, as if to make sure she's listening.

"Have some more….tea," Bernkastel didn't show it, but she was certainly struggling to pour the tea in Beatrice's teacup, which Beatrice failed to notice.

"Why thank you! Ohohoho, black tea! It's my absolute favourite," and with that, Beatrice sipped it carefully, savouring the taste. "You certainly have a talent for hospitality, Lady Bernkastel! HAAHAHAHAHA…."

Bernkastel kicked her leg with a straight expression from under the table, shutting her up.

As he stared at Bernkastel, Battler saw her as a small little doll with a fixed expression, as if it was painted that way. If one saw her sitting alone, they would mistake her for a beautifully clothed mannequin, with her unwavering eyes, long blue hair and paper white complexion. The way she handled herself was like a little young lady, which Battler took quite some time to comprehend. He would say that she was like a European doll, and if one dressed her up with the right clothes, she would catch the eye of many.

Unfortunately, she happened to catch the wrong one.

"So," Bernkastel began. "What do you wish to talk about?"

Ange cleared her throat to speak, finally relieved that she had started the topic. "It's quite a long story, but please hear us out."

"Go on."

"I LIKE COOKIES AND SOY MILK~~~~!" Lambdadelta suddenly squeaked, greatly alarming the people in the room. She was grinning uncontrollably, as if she took some sort of potent drug which made her look like she was dreadfully high. All eyes were on her, but she simply grinned more, particularly enjoying the attention.

"Alright…? Good to know…?" Ange shuddered at the sudden cheerfulness.

"Continue?" Bernkastel motioned.

"Ahem….So as I was saying, this is regarding the…."

And yet, the reporter had to interrupt.

"BERN'S GONNA BE MY WAIFU SOMEDAY~! TEE-HEE!"

"AS I WAS SAYING…." Ange was already fuming, just wishing that Lambda would shut up. "It's regarding the ho…."

"I SEE BUNNIES HOPPING AROUND IN A DESERT! DO YOU? DO YOU? DO YO…."

In a split second, Ushiromiya Ange got up, clenched her fists and marched up to Lambdadelta, who was blabbering incoherent nonsense and tried to yank her out of Bernkastel's arm. The redhead already had enough of being interrupted, especially by her of all people, and she wouldn't lose her verbal battle without a proper fight. Bernkastel nearly dropped her teacup when Ange yanked, but managed to put it back on the table and held on the nearest arm of the sofa, fighting the direction of Ange's yanks.

"A….Ange!" Battler exclaimed, trying to pull his sister away from the deranged blonde. "Stop it! You're gonna get hurt…"

"SHE HAS TO BE STOPPED!" Ange yelled, as if the apocalypse was dawning. "Come on, help me, onii-chan! At all costs, she HAS TO SHUT UP!"

**"FOUR AND TWENTY ANGES, GRILLED LIKE BURGERS~!"** Lambdadelta sang insanely.

"OH GOD, JUST SHUT UP!"

As Ange kept yanking, she found that there was nothing that could pull the young Greek reporter off Bernkastel at all. It was the combined strength of Battler and hers, which was practically indomitable due to their inherited physical strength from their parents, and yet the reporter simply wouldn't let go. Glaring at Beatrice (who was drinking tea like no one's business), she harshly yelled at her while pulling.

"Don't just sit there, HELP US!"

Beatrice shrugged and went up to Battler's side, put her hands around him and just pulled a little without using her effort at all.

"There. I'm tired," she crossed her arms.

"I MEAN WITH EFFORT, BEATORRICHE!" Ange exploded.

Doing it seriously this time, Beatrice pulled, Battler pulled, and Ange pulled at the body of the young reporter, greatly tasking Bernkastel as she was clinging on a bookshelf this time for dear life. She still had the same stoic expression, but she didn't want to fall down on a heap of strangers and have a blonde on her arm wherever she goes like an unwanted accessory. Albeit unexpectedly, Ange managed to pull Lambdadelta off Bernkastel, who let go for just a second and walked up to Ange approximately distancing herself by a centimetre.

Lambdadelta punched at Ange's stomach for revenge, but it didn't work. So she did it again and again and again, until she found that it was rather futile due to Ange's Kevlar vest, and resorted to Plan B.

She slapped her with a pout, and then clung at Bernkastel's right arm again.

Ange rolled up her sleeves, and tried for the second time, but failed yet again. On the third time she tried to yank Lambda off, the most embarrassing thing happened in the history of Ushiromiya Ange's almost-perfect life.

As she pulled Lambda, for some reason, the force of her pulls were bounced back to her, resulting in her doing a mid-air somersault and luckily fell on a bunch of fluffy cushions. But that wasn't the embarrassing part, and as they tried to dig her out….

They found that she landed in a rather unsettling position, and her white, cotton panties were shown right at their faces. Her dignity was thrown out of the window just like that.

Ushiromiya Ange didn't dare yank a crazed reporter again.

* * *

"I'm sorry," Bernkastel said, tying her hair up. "As I said, I will quit my deliveries to the Rokkenjima Hotel until further notice."

Battler banged his fist on the table, apparently enraged. "We just want to know the reason why! And why the hell are you saying that you won't deliver any more wine to the hotel? Is the old geezer underpaying you or something? I should've known that the old geezer was too cheap, and…."

"The reasons are strictly personal."

This time, the atmosphere was drastically different. Lambdadelta was now sitting beside Bernkastel, not clinging on her anymore as she fixed her hair, Beatrice was looking around the room, Battler was clearly complaining and Ange buried her face in the pillows. Bernkastel had only said that the reasons were personal, and Battler simply wouldn't buy that. Supposed that they went back to the hotel to tell the old geezer that the owner of the winery has personal problems in her life, the old geezer would explode and practically do some unorthodox thing, being their grandfather. Taking a 'Closed' sign, Bernkastel went up to the front door, but Battler and Lambdadelta followed her, demanding for a reason.

All at once, a silhouette opened the door forcibly, temporarily knocking Bernkastel down to the ground in shock, and scaring the hell out of the two individuals. Before them were two adults (presumably a married couple), who stared at Bernkastel with business-like smiles.

"_Tochter! Pack dich, ist es Zeit nach Hause zu gehen!_" the man said.

"Um…" Battler whispered to Lambdadelta. "What language is that? And what are they saying?"

Lambdadelta stared at Bernkastel and the couple, and then whispered back.

"It's German….They're saying: _'Daughter! Pack up, it's time to go home!'_"

Dusting off the dirt from her jeans, she stared stoically at the couple, and then pointed at them with her thumb with a straight expression. Ange and Beatrice went out to see the commotion, and apparently, they came face to face with the sharp-faced couple, who were smiling rather thinly.

"Everyone, these are my parents, Herr Heinrich Bernkastel and Frau Franziska Bernkastel. They're taking me back to Germany."

Lambdadelta let out a rather inhuman scream.

* * *

**A/N: I gave Bern parents! xDDDD More info about them will come on the next chapter!**

**Sorry for the late update (and I guess you don't care, but oh well!) Credits to Google Translate for translating the German stuff (and to Germans reading this fic, I'm sorry if the grammar is wrong, .!) Please review! They're very much appreciated :DDD!**

**Poor Bern, shipped off to Germany. But only a MIRACLE can stop this! XDDD**

**The button below you saying "Review" is waiting to be clicked... :D**


	5. Herr und Frau Bernkastel

Chapter 5

Let's not bother about the seemingly suffocating atmosphere in the winery's entrance and learn a bit about the young girl's parents. Herr Heinrich Bernkastel and Frau Franziska Bernkastel are both successful entrepreneurs, both of them owning big companies, lavish resorts and a mansion fit for an entire population of a small town. As their name suggests, they are German, but Frederica Bernkastel's mother is purely Japanese. Before they were married, the two had met each other in Munich at a small, stuffy office room with no ventilation, sorting out documents as they realized their similar obsessive interests of cash bills and freshly printed invoices (which Franziska would gasp in delight whenever they're halfway being printed in the jewellery stores). Hell, even the mere sound of receipts being printed would turn them on! Then they dated for approximately six months (when they would take turns to part with their hard-earned money by paying off the bills and tipping the waiters with heavy hearts). There was an occasion where Franziska cried when she paid the bill for their six month relationship anniversary, not being able to withstand the fact that nothing's for free in the world and when Heinrich cried with her, they immediately got engaged and tied the knot.

Isn't that _romantic?_

Heinrich Bernkastel was a man in his fifties, but still fairly fit. He had his blonde hair styled, his designer clothes (strictly Bernkastel Fashions) pressed and his appearance business-like. Whereas Franziska Bernkastel was a woman in her forties (approximately forty-nine) who had Frederica's blue hair, only much, much shorter. She never walks out of the house or the office without high heels, sometimes stilettos to retain a fashionable air. They were simply perfect for each other, their matching personalities, their similar interests and albeit their clashing decisions had made their marriage more than perfect. Not a single lover's fight had occurred ever since their honeymoon and they **always had their way. **

And when their daughter Frederica was born, they had laid out her future with a blink of an eye. They would make sure her life will be **properly organized** by her dearest mom and dad.

Starting with getting her out of Nijima.

* * *

"So," Heinrich started, glaring at his daughter intensely. "You don't want to go."

"Of course. I told you many times, I won't go back to Germany, Father."

There seemed to be a glaring competition against Frederica Bernkastel and her parents, and two pairs of eyes met their daughter's blue ones. They were business people, and for them, it wasn't so hard to get what they wanted in a couple of minutes. But this time, it's different, because their daughter has been defying them for approximately 9 months after they brought up the idea of bringing her back to Germany to pursue her further studies. They never blinked even once, and since the silence was too deafening, Franziska began to speak.

"But Frederica, my _tochter_," she smiled. "You must go. There is no need for you to stay and manage this little winery any longer."

Bernkastel took out a 1946 Merlot and poured it in her wine glass. "I don't HAVE to go."

"Frederica Bernkastel," Heinrich laced his tone with warning, looking directly at his daughter with a menacing look. "You WILL go to Germany, you WILL leave Nijima and you WILL listen to us. Is that clear?"

"Sorry, I don't think I heard you. I think I forgot to clean my ears in the morning, Father."

Lambdadelta snickered a bit.

Heinrich exploded. "_Zum Teufel? Wie kannst du es wagen!_" (1)

"Um…." Battler cleared his throat, not knowing what to say to the apparently enraged businessman, and planned to speak in English.

"Mr. Bernkasterr, I reely theenk Bernkasterr-san wants to stay in Nijima…..eef that helps."

"ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAUGHTER?" Heinrich suddenly erupted, taking a nearby sledgehammer and started to bring it up upon Battler's head. Battler's blood nearly went cold, and shook his head vigorously.

"Noh! Noh! NOH AII AM NOT!"

"GOOD."

"I am!~" Lambdadelta raised her hand excitedly like a little girl anticipating her candy.

Heinrich simply blinked at her, then said in a cold voice, "I don't like you."

"WHYYYYY~~? I'm super-cute, I'm super-nice, I'm **SUPER PAPER**, for crying out loud! How can you not like me?~~~ Oh well, at least Bern loves me, right?"

"Meh," Bernkastel said apathetically.

"See!"

Well, that sounded worse than he thought. Beatrice erupted in fits of laughter, especially in his heavily strong Japanese accent upon the wrong syllables. Pushing him aside (causing him to fall at the other side of the sofa), she cleared her throat and smirked, speaking in excellent English as the rest simply stared at her with awe.

"What this incompetent fool is trying to say, Mr. Bernkastel," she emphasized on the word 'incompetent', "is that we think that it is right to comply with Frederica's wishes to stay on the island. Isn't that right, Frederica? Don't you want to stay on this islanddd? KYAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm right, aren't I? CORRECT? CORRECT?"

Bernkastel didn't say anything, let alone change her expression. Lambdadelta went up to her and tried pushing the ends of her lips down into a frown, but when she let go, she didn't get her desired results. The Greek reporter put her hands on her hips, and then wailed as she threw her arms up in the air in despair.

"Oh come on Bern! You've gotta be more convincing than THAT~!"

Bernkastel pointed at her stoic face, and then spoke. "This is my convincing face."

"Oh…..then what's your sad face?"

The German still retained her expression.

"Happy?"

Same thing.

"Um…..terribly ecstatic until you want the roof to come down on us?"

Bernkastel proceeded to smile very widely, so wide until the ends of her mouth could and might actually come in contact with her eyes. Everyone was taken rather aback, as she suddenly started cackling like a mad witch, looking up at the ceiling. Finally, she stopped doing so and put her old stoic expression again.

"Any more?"

"Nope," Ange hugged her knees with fear. "Nomoreplease."

As if the gods had pitied Ange, her brother started comforting her, patting her back as he soothed her that everything would be alright. She was in utter bliss, being comforted by her handsome, awesome, all-rounded big brother who loved her (unlike other big brothers who would pick on their little sisters). Oh, the things she would do alone with her big brother! Flashing an evil victory smile to Beatrice, she realized that her nose started to bleed, and proceeded to wipe her nose with her sleeve.

Beatrice noticed, however she seemed not to care.

Well, she did care a _bit._

Just a _tiiiiiiiiiiiiny, teeeeeeny bit._

_Not like she cared anyways._

Yeah.

Finally having enough, Heinrich and Franziska went up to their daughter, who was putting back the Merlot on the wine racks. Looking at her with rather eerie smiles, they spoke pleasantly as they folded their hands simultaneously.

"If that is what you wish, Frederica, we will NOT comply," Franziska began. "We, as your beloved parents will decide what's best for you, which is to defy your every wish and want. If you won't leave to Germany with us," and with this, Franziska put on a surprisingly superb troll-face and leaned closer to her daughter's unwavering expression, "it's okay. We'll just have to…..take **drastic measures.**"

"Because we are your beloved parents, and we love you so very much, Frederica. You will want to come with us, and….." Heinrich stopped, and then went in sync with his wife.

"**We will make you understand mother and father's best interests at heart!"**

Bernkastel's eyes widened as she saw the superbly scary troll faces of her dear parents.

* * *

**A/N: (1) THE HECK? HOW DARE YOU?**

**I'm sorry if they're a bit OOC here, and maybe more of Bernkastel's parents' cruelty/weirdness/over protectiveness/idealisms will prevail in the next chapter! I'm also thinking of putting an extra or something, and thanks so much for the reviews, especially to LimeLavender (I quit saying it, xDD) and japaneserockergirl for constantly reviewing! Here are some brownies!**

**:D **

**Bern's parents are awesome, xD. And poor Battler and his awful English!**

**I pity Ange the most now...Oh dear. What have I done...**


	6. Extras: Kanon's Dream

Extras: Kanon's Dream (Chapter 6)

"Oh…..no, no…no…."

A strained bass-like sound emanated from a room in the servants' quarters. From along the corridor, there was a strange, blue-like light at the bottom of a door, accompanied with mutters and groans. Sounds effects could be heard and buttons were being pushed to their limits with an insane level of speed. The volume of the background music was at its maximum, to give a more challenging feel to the player who played the game console. The door had a name plate made of acrylic glass with the servant's name: 'Kanon'.

It was the arc which every avid gamer had to pass, which was battling the final boss. He had wads of cash, his last Revival Vial and his five bullets to defeat him. Kanon knew that this was it; this was the moment that he couldn't afford to lose. But there was a sinking feeling in his gut, half-knowing that he would never win this final level with these in hand. And if he were to use his last Revival Vial, he would have no more offensive weapons, and he would just die in the hands of the final boss. He tried, and tried, and soon, he found that he had no more bullets in his bazooka gun. As expected, the final boss thwacked his character like thwacking a domino, completely depleting the HP of Kanon's character.

After a few seconds, the television screen flashed the dreaded words no gamer liked (or even dare dreamed) to see in any survival game.

The words 'Game Over. Would you like to repeat the arc again?' flashed on the TV screen. Kanon twitched, and then did a massive jawdrop as he dropped the controls hopelessly; leaning at his bedpost as he held his head in his arms, and screamed his entire heart out with sheer youthful frustration.

"**AAAAAARGGGGGGH****!"

* * *

**

As of late, Kanon hasn't gotten much sleep.

The rest of the servants haven't been getting much sleep either, and they looked less than presentable for work. Kumasawa looked a year older, Gohda, Ronove and Genji stopped their bickering at last, Shannon felt queasy, Gaap slept on the reception table and Nanjo was bathing. The worst was Kanon, due to moping all night long about not being able to defeat that dreaded final boss, that ebony-haired bitch whom he tried to defeat for nights on end.

Curse her and her red blazer and her cowgirl boots and all the other skimpy stuff she wears.

His perfectly styled black hair was now a heaping mess of a mild afro, his face looked a bit saggy, and to top it off, his eyes had large black bags below. Kanon even forgot to wear his signature red beret, which made it worse. He was wearing his usual t-shirt which had the One-Winged Eagle on it (which was the same print for all his other clothes; socks, coats, hell, even his boxers had the same design!).

And he wondered yet again, why he didn't agree to go shopping with Lady Jessica when he had the chance last year…..If he did, he would've gotten cooler shirts.

"Kanon-kun!"

Shannon hopped to him, scaring the living daylights out of him as she suddenly smothered his face with her gigantic assets. Kanon struggled to breathe as he was slowly being depleted of oxygen, but he slowly realized that Shannon wasn't hugging him as tightly as usual. She seemed somewhat….easy on him, as if she didn't have any energy left on her, and spent her last ounce of energy into hugging Kanon until she dropped.

Kanon looked at her with a worried expression, finally managing to breathe through Shannon's boobs. "Um….nee-san, are you okay? You don't seem so well…."

"I'm fine, Kanon-kun! It's just that I haven't been getting that much sleep lately…." As she said that, she suddenly cupped Kanon's face, further startling him as she squinted at his eyes, his cheeks, his forehead, everything. She was paying full attention at his face and squinted some more, making Kanon think that something's REALLY wrong with her.

"Nee-san…..why are you staring at my face?"

Albeit shockingly, Shannon let out a high-pitched shriek, pointing directly at Kanon and attracting the attention of the other servants.

"D….D…..DARK SPOTS! OH GOD, KANON-KUN! YOU HAVE DARK SPOTS!" Shannon shrieked.

The adolescent simply stood there, then widened his eyes and exclaimed furiously. "IS THAT IT? OH MY GOSH, NEE-SAN, GET A GRIP! I thought a bomb was fused or something!"

"I think it did…." the girl pondered. "Somewhere…"

"Where?" Nanjo flung the door of his room open, clad only in his bathing towel and in his hands was a little yellow rubber ducky. The rest simply stared at him, the soaked old man who's body's still had soap suds and water trickling all over it. Kanon, once again, cursed his suckish life and twitched his eye at the hideous sight before him.

"Uh…..nowhere, Nanjo-san…nowhere…."

"Oh, that's good," Nanjo heaved a sigh of relief, smiling rather stupidly as he marched outside, proudly strutting his stuff. "If you need me, I'll be showing Kinzo my new bathroom look, and I hope he doesn't kick me out of the door like last time. Poor guy, I don't even remember the last time he shopped….."

"Um, pardon me….." Ronove asked. "WHEN was the last time Kinzo-sama shopped?"

"1944, of course! He bought his new cargo suit back then, but of course he outgrew that one. And then the clothes ripped, his butt showed during training, the army had no cloth to sew him a new one, then…"

"I didn't need to know….." the butler scrunched up his face in disgust. "I really didn't need to know."

Eventually, the doctor left, leaving the servants in the lobby with horridly mortified faces.

Now Kanon was a boy with big dreams. He certainly didn't ask for such a crappy job, or a crappy life with three cooks wrestling for the position of head chef, a lazy receptionist who flirts with Beatrice's college teacher, Virgilia, his obnoxious (and secretly yandere) elder sister and of course, a doctor who thinks his style is radically awesome. He didn't deserve a place in this stupid hotel, nor such a crappy name given by his boss. I mean, come on! Who else in the world is named Kanon?

* * *

On the island of Rokkenjima (in a separate kakera), two people were fighting to the death. As the eldest stake lunged out to attack, the servant held up his hand, causing her to halt as he sneezed at the bed, grabbing a tissue and wiped his nose.

"What was that?" Lucifer asked, her expression a bit pitiful. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah….I guess. Let's continue," Kanon geared up as he summoned his weapon on his arm.

* * *

See! There aren't any!

As Kanon moped around, he simply prayed. He prayed in his insides that someone might give him a chance on his dream, his oh-so-fervent dream! It wasn't hard to accomplish, but the cruel circumstances of his life had bound him, leaving him unable to actually pursue it further! Oh, if only life was easier on him, if only his sister would understand, if only his boss wasn't so caught up in staring at Lady Beatrice's older sister's portrait in the lobby!

If only….if only someone could hear him.

If only someone would hear his dreams! Oh, it wasn't so bad of a dream, and it wouldn't hurt to lend an ear to listen! He'd risk people laughing at his dream, but since no one would even bother to listen, he retreated to his drugs, which were the video games in his room. He would occasionally take out the ol' sock puppet and pour his woes masterfully, and immerse in his own world. If Lady Beatrice could work to her dreams of being an opera singer, then why can't he pursue his?

And then, he knew.

He knew what to do, and as he ran to his room, dropping his activities for the day, he took out a small puppet and beamed at it. The sun shone on his confident self as he raised the puppet in the air, opened the window and let the puppet state his wishes.

"I WANT TO BECOME A **VENTRILOQUIST!**" the puppet said, with Kanon smiling excitedly.

A seagull pooped on Kanon's window.

* * *

**A/N:That's part 1 of Kanon's Dream! Please support our young Kanon-kun! :D**

**Well, I decided to do an extra this time, since I was getting quite interested with this concept, xDDD. Please take your time to review! :D They're very much appreciated, as always! As the author of this fic, I'm so happy that it's loved!**

**GAMBATTE, KANON!**


	7. It Gets Downhill

_As Battler, Beatrice and Ange returned to the hotel (Lambdadelta decided to stay at the winery for the night since she wanted to hold a sleepover with Bernkastel), they all looked beaten up, tired and worse, exhausted. Beatrice's hairpins threatened to fall off, Battler kept rubbing his eyes and Ange was clinging onto her brother's arm for support. The trio walked weakly at the entrance, and slumped themselves onto the sofas at the lobby. And right when they needed their well-deserved rest, Kinzo burst out with a smile, laughing as he was apparently talking to a couple while holding a nice bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, dated 1944._

"_Oh god, what now...?" Ange groaned, looking at her grandfather lazily. But before she spoke, her blue eyes widened as she saw the couple beside Kinzo, and froze at the spot. Battler and Beatrice closed their eyes as if to fall asleep, but were rudely awakened by Kinzo's joyous laughter._

"_AARGH! Old man, what is it now? It's like, 9 pm! What the hell's wro….."_

_Before their eyes were the people they least expected to see, or wanted to see. _

_The three came face to face with Herr Heinrich Bernkastel and Frau Franziska Bernkastel, beaming upon them as they laughed aristocratically, signifying the beginning of their troubles._

"_Nice to see you again, young ones! Fukukukukukuuuuuuuuuu!~"_

* * *

Chapter 7

"W…what the crap is this?"

"Now, now, grandson," Kinzo jollily tutted as he put the wine bottle down and laughed heartily. From the reception, Beatrice looked imploringly at Gaap, who shook her head in despair. It's as if Gaap could hear her thoughts, and Beatrice interpreted her look as: _'Sorry Riiche, boss's orders'_. As Kinzo blabbed on and on about nothing, Battler simply slammed his hands on the table, exclaiming his heart out.

"Just tell me what's going on around here!" Battler shouted.

"QUIET!" Kinzo bellowed, forcing everyone to actually shut up. "Ahem…..Mr. Heinrich Bernkastel and Mrs. Franziska Bernkastel are honoured guests of the Rokkenjima Hotel, so they will be staying her for approximately a week! Since they are the parents of the little girl who delivers wine to our hotel, we must welcome them and give them accommodation!"

Battler was mortified. "You geezer! They're going to take Bernkastel-san to Germany!"

"Oh, since when were we going to do that?" Franziska giggled 'innocently'. She patted Battler's shoulder, but as she did, he felt as if her fingers were metal pincers simply penetrating themselves into his skin. He seriously thought that blood would seep out from his shoulder, and he certainly didn't want to feel those sharp, manicured blue nails ever again. Heinrich laughed gaily, patting Kinzo on the back as he stroked his moustache.

"Kinzo, my good man! We are honoured to be guests of your benevolent hotel! Now if you'll excuse us, my wife and I will register ourselves…"

"There's no need! I've already planned your rooms!"

The trio froze. "…What?"

In Kinzo's hands, there was Battler and Ange's room key, which he tossed to Heinrich without thinking. Battler and Ange simply froze there, and Ange reached out for her key, but it was too late. The adults have finally crossed the line by claiming their room.

"T…T…..THAT'S **OUR KEY!** And where did you get it anyways?" Battler exploded.

"From your parents, of course!"

"I don't think Kyrie-san or dad is that stupid to give it to you!"

"Ah, but they were stupid enough to leave them at the reception!"

"But aren't there like, OTHER ROOMS?"

"Well yes, but I was just lazy to send room service to clean them up. Also, it was their special request! How can I turn it down?"

_..._

_...Curse you all,_ Battler thought.

Ange tried her best to keep herself composed. "So…where are we going to sleep, grandfather?"

"You'll sleep with your mother, and Battler will sleep with Beatrice!"

The two mortal enemies took approximately ten seconds to register what the old man said.

"**WHAT?"**

* * *

It was tough.

Ushiromiya Battler has concluded that everything in the world is conspiring against him, starting with placing him in Beatrice's room. And what's worse, he couldn't switch rooms in fear of Mr. and Mrs. Bernkastel. In Beatrice's case, it was pretty much the same. As much as they'd like to admit that their daughter, Frederica was scary, they were much, _much_ scarier. It's as if with their mere presence, one would conclude that the devil actually existed.

Beatrice's room wasn't so bad; it had the usual nice velvet curtains, two single beds which were made neatly, a bathroom, a TV and a study table full of books. There was also a small music stand which held a few sheet music. It wasn't the room he disliked; it was the person he had to put up with for the entire night which was the problem. Imagine being in a room with a busty blonde, it would be any man's dream! But being in a room with a busty, snappy, incredibly rude, unmannerly blonde, well….it wasn't Battler's cup of tea.

Who knows, Beatrice might be the type of girl who snores in her sleep.

Eew.

As he soaked his entire body with water in the shower, he decided to think of happier things to combat his entirely horrid day. Battler tried thinking of Ange's tenth birthday party, when Ange was overjoyed with the handmade plush toy he made her. Okay, that was happy. He tried thinking of another one. What about the time when his elder cousin, Lion taught him car mechanics? That was quite a nice memory, for Battler really needed the knowledge, and it was rather funny when Lion's long, blonde ponytail was once stuck when he repaired the car they were working on. He could still remember Lion's 'AAAUGH! MY HAIR!', and Battler laughed quietly to himself as he remembered the hilarious scene.

Well, that incident might've scarred Lion, because since then, he never fixed another car again.

...Is Lion a _he_ or a _she_? Battler still had to figure out that one.

"ARE YOU DONE YET, BAH-TO-RRA?"

Oh great. All signs of positive thinking evaporated from his brain.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming out soon!"

Great, thought Battler. It seems that she's somewhat impatient as well. As he wrapped his towel around himself, he walked out boredly as he was suddenly surprised with Beatrice's presence right in front of the door, meeting her beet red face as they stared directly at each other with apparent shock.

For a second there, she looked sort of cute…

No! She's the devil's spawn! Living proof that the world's out to get him!

Instead of blushing like a usual shy girl, she downright laughed at him. Chortles of laughter escaped from her mouth, escalating octave after octave, and little beads of tears formed in her eyes. Beatrice was laughing, crying, until Battler stamped his foot to get her attention. She finally stopped, then laughed one little 'ha!' and tilted her head back.

"What? Can't a girl have her fun? Kyahahahaha….."

"Clothes," Battler crossly pointed at his body.

"….You expect ME to have YOUR clothes?" Beatrice stared disbelievingly.

"Well, I need my clothes which are on YOUR bed. I can't possibly walk right up to it since it's so goddamn cold, and the least you could do is hand them to me!"

"Ah, but the thing is, they're **NOT** on my bed."

Beatrice smiled slyly, pointing at her bed which had no presence of Battler's clothes anywhere. Battler's eyes widened with shock and anger as he clutched his towel tightly to prevent it from falling off. Glaring at Beatrice, he put on his angriest tone, hoping to scare her into giving him his clothes back.

"Where are my clothes, _Beatrice_?"

Instead of being intimidated, she brought her face closer to his, distancing around a centimetre away from his face. Smiling psychotically, she put her hands on her hips, revelling in her prank and the fun reaction the redhead had reacted to.

"Why don't you guess, _Ushiromiya Baaahtlerrrr_? AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Don't play games with me! I need them now!"

The poor Ushiromiya was actually freezing like crazy in Beatrice's air-conditioned room, but of course he wouldn't admit that in her face. Beatrice folded her arms, still donning her troll face as she pointed at her bed again, which was right next to the window. Looking back at Battler, she leaned against the bathroom door leisurely.

"Okay, tell you what, Battler," she began. "We're gonna play a liiiiiitttle game, and if you win, you'll get your clothes back~. Deal?"

Battler simply couldn't believe it. If he loses, he might freeze to death in Beatrice's room!

He didn't have that much of a choice anyways.

"What game…? What are the rules?"

"Make a theory about the whereabouts of your clothes, and if you get it right, you'll have them back. Make as many theories as you want, and I'll also give you a few hints to help your pathetic sooouuuul! If you want to confirm something, simply ask me to repeat it! Now isn't that eaaaasy, Battler? It's just a few guesses, and my room isn't that big! Kyahahahahahaha! Oh this is so fun! Seeing your shivering, freezing body standing on my cold bathroom floor is simply so entertaining~!"

"F…fine!" he managed to stutter, combating the shivering feeling he felt as the cold air made contact with his skin. "I will win that stupid game of yours, and I will get my clothes back! One way or another, **I will get them back, Beatorriche!**" He pointed at her determinedly, still holding his towel as he tried to channel more heat energy in his body so that he won't freeze too early.

The battle for Battler's clothes has begun.

* * *

Ushiromiya Ange, the seventeen-year old younger sister of Ushiromiya Battler, the only daughter of Ushiromiya Rudolf and Ushiromiya Kyrie was trying to avert her attention at the TV, watching a live concert put up by the most popular girl group around, which were the Seven Stakes of Purgatory. They were so popular that they sold approximately 2 million albums, released fan merchandise and hell; **they even produced their own video game!** * As they danced and sang _Egurite_ with pure spirit, she squinted at them, looking at their curves as she contemplated seriously to herself, imagining herself in her mind.

Did she have the right curves?

Was she even curvy enough?

Was her hairstyle getting too childish?

Should she go on diet?

Should she dress sexier?

Is she too antisocial?

…..How did they get those big boobs?

All these questions flashed before her eyes as she hopelessly bent down her head, which made contact with the soft mattress. At the very thought of Beatrice spending the night with Battler in a room, she cringed and turned green with envy.

"Aaaaargh….onii-chan….I hope you're okay….." she hugged her knees, rolling on the bed. Luckily neither her mother nor her father was there, so she moped as much as she wanted, burying her face in the bolster and screamed her heart out.

"You may have won this round, Beatrice," Ange quietly said in a threatening tone, immersed completely in her monologue. "But I'll win next time. I'll make sure onii-chan won't fall for some pig like you...and I'll guarantee it."

Gathering her resolve to exercise for a better, curvier figure, Ange started following the dance movements, hopping and jumping all around the room. If one looked from their window, they could see a mess of red hair flopping around in all directions, and a girl clad in fluffy pyjamas performing really retarded dance steps.

…Good thing Kyrie was out.

* * *

"Hey, Beatrice?"

"What?"

The two individuals were lying down on their respective beds, their backs facing each other as they didn't want to actually look at each other's faces. Battler finally had his pyjamas back after many gruesome guesses, and his feet nearly became blocks of ice just by standing on Beatrice's bathroom floor. But Beatrice showed him a tiny ounce of compassion after he successfully got his clothes back, for she prepared a small tub of warm water to heat up his feet, and even threw a pair of socks in his face for him to wear for the night.

"….Thanks for the socks," the redheaded Ushiromiya thanked her. Beatrice simply rolled her eyes, and then scoffed as she pulled the blankets over her, huddling up to her bolster to warm herself up.

"You should be thankful, because I so happened to pity an incompetent fool like you! And how on earth can I torture you more if you caught a cold….or something like that? I should say it is rather fitting that I did that, muuuh…."

"_BIS ZUM ENDE DER ZEIIIIT!_"

Both of their eyes widened as they got up quickly, clearly infuriated with the sound and opened the door slowly to search for the source of the sound. Battler, rubbing his eyes muttered a few curses under his breath, then held his head with pure irritation.

"What's happening now….oh gods….."

Beatrice followed where the sounds came from, and apparently she could tell that the singing was rather crappy. Being a vocal student, she knew everything about voices, and she could tell that this sounded even worse than a mule's. The trail finally ended right in front of Battler's room, and as Battler tiptoed to look into the reverse peephole (which Gohda assembled wrongly), his eyes widened with shock to see the grossest thing ever since Nanjo's retarded fashions.

Right before his right eye was Heinrich and Franziska holding microphones, clad in their nightwear, dancing and singing a really out-of-date German song on Battler's bed.

"...Well..." Battler walked past Beatrice with a pissed expression, the fires of hell finally ignited in Battler's very soul. Clutching his head, he screamed his entire heart out, releasing his bottled up rage.

"**IT'S USELESS! IT'S ALL USELESS!**"

* * *

**A/N: It's pretty long, and I hope you don't mind! .**

**So there you have it! The seventh chapter! (counting Kanon's Dream as the sixth) I hope they aren't too OOC...**

***This is referenced from Kanon's Dream, where Kanon faced the final boss, Lucifer, xD.**

**Umineko no Naku Koro Ni belongs to Ryuukishi07, but I do own this fic, xDDD. I don't own the song Egurite either, xD.**

**Please review! Onegaiiii~~~ And thanks for reviewing!**


	8. Nothing's Helping Anything

_It's already 4 in the morning, and the singing simply __**wouldn't**__ stop. Messes of screeching voices and sounds of bed springs being jumped on up and down were threatening to make their ears bleed, and even Ange from the next room couldn't get any sleep. It was a wonder at how Kyrie managed to sleep soundly (not to mention snore heartily) at all this noise and it was just….excruciating on their ears. Battler nearly snapped at the thought of his bed being broken by all the jumping the couple made, the image of bed springs flying everywhere flashed before his eyes and even wondered at how he is going to sleep in his room ever again. _

_He had enough._

_Beatrice had enough._

_Ange had enough._

_Suddenly, the frightfully dreadful singing came to a halt. Thanking their lucky stars, the trio counted on a good night's sleep, only to hear a button eject itself and press again. Curious, Battler went out, searched for anything suspicious and his foot came in contact with an object right in front of his door._

_It was a small automatic cassette recorder, which was replaying the recordings of Heinrich and Franziska's singing. Staring at it, he shut it off quietly, then spoke in a surprisingly threatening voice, clenching at the tape recorder as if he wanted to smash it into tiny bits. _

"..._**..They're going down."**_

* * *

It's now 7 a.m., and Ushiromiya Battler _**didn't want to wake up in the morning.**_

* * *

Chapter 8

Well, the couple didn't stop singing on the breakfast table.

They looked so happy, so gleeful as they sang with their mouths full of chewed scrambled eggs and sausages, it nearly looked grotesque. The adults tried to tolerate their behaviour, or even thinly put up with it, which seemed pretty impossible especially for Natsuhi and Krauss. Battler slept on the table right in front of his dish, Beatrice tried to stay awake (and also trying not to have her face in her soup) and Ange was nowhere to be found. In conclusion, it wasn't pretty. In fact, it was so bad that Kanon felt his ear buzz in annoyance, making his eyes widen at the very thought of him going deaf any second now.

But Kinzo didn't even bear a single reaction aside from a happy one.

"So what is your business on this island, Mr. Bernkastel?" he jollily asked.

Mr. Bernkastel cleared his throat and took out a roll of blueprints which he laid on top of the table, covering the food as Eva accidentally plunged her fork through the paper, intending to actually pierce the fork on her sausage. "We're just going to make a few developments around the island, like removing a few places which obviously take up space….like let's say the Siesta Day-care Centre?"

Battler jerked up from the table, shocked.

"Mr. Bernkastel!" Natsuhi gasped, obviously horrified at the fact that they would close down a Day-care Centre.

"What?" Franziska arched her eyebrow. "They're not advancing in business anyways, so we might as well close it down to build more profitable land, am I right?"

"If you close it down, who will take care of my Maria when I'm away?" Rosa protested, resulting in Maria 'Uuuuu~'ing uncontrollably. The Bernkastels waved it off; grinning horrifyingly as they simultaneously looked at both Natsuhi and Rosa with unsettling faces.

"**It's your prooooblem! And it's only one chiiiiilllld!"**

"FANTASTIC! That building was a nuisance anyways," Kinzo nodded in agreement, further shocking the adults.

"Fantastic? That's one building down! And who knows, even if you might not need it, the residents might need it too! Don't you ever think about the residents on the island, you old man?" Battler protested, banging his hand on the table multiple times, waking Beatrice up with a start.

"Maybe this will go out…" Franziska took out a red marker, crossing out the icon for the sundry shop.

"NO!" Jessica screamed.

"How about this one?" The souvenir shop was crossed out too.

"Don't you dare!" George retorted this time, rising up to side Battler.

"This?" This time, it was the stuffed toy store.

"UU! NO!" Maria cringed, little beads of tears forming in her little eyes.

Stopping their so-called-torture, the rich couple looked at each other, as if considering their actions. They plastered rather ashamed expressions, as if they regretted what they did earlier as they looked again at the cousins, who were staring right at them with wavering eyes. Then, as if they rehearsed the whole thing, Franziska huffed, returning back to her normal sadistic self and scribbled out the sundry shop with a black marker.

"Oh well. This one's already been bought anyways. Now what were you saying about investing in that new company we were planning to build, Kinzo-san?"

In insanity, Kanon chewed on a tissue box.

* * *

"Oh...I see...Thank you very much..."

Lambdadelta (now clad in a light pink spaghetti strap shirt and a white skirt) frowned as she held her notepad and her black pen, tapping her sandaled foot on the ground as she huffed with dissatisfaction. Her sandy blonde hair is now tied in two pigtails (but the beret was still there) to prevent herself from sweating, and the prim reporter looked at her new friend (whom she forcibly made a day ago) disapprovingly.

Frederica tied up her hair in a ponytail, and then said in a quiet voice, "I told you it was bought. My parents are the type of people who don't delay, especially when it comes to sundry shops."

"But I really needed to review it!"

"Do you think they care?"

"They'll have to care, because I'm going to be your future _waifu_~!"

"You won't make a very good MILF, that's for sure."

"Oooooh! Is Bern thinking what I'm thinking? Aww, you're so sweet, Bern~! Sweeter than any dessert ever critiqued, mm-mm! ~"

"I'm just saying that because it'll never happen."

"H…huh? BERN~! You big meanie! I'm taking that back!"

The blue haired heiress took out her mobile phone, which had its wallpaper recently updated with her picture with Lambdadelta at the sleepover that night (which showed Lambdadelta made a _sentai_ expression, while Bernkastel simply showed a peace sign with her fingers while snapping the picture with her other hand). Dialling a number, she waited for the other person to pick up, scrunching up her face in disgust as she made the worst phone call of her entire life. It's not that she had a choice to call this person, because her parents simply crossed the line with this apparent affair. Secretly wishing that the other wouldn't pick up, Bernkastel was about to end the call since it was ringing for too long.

Until the cursed person eventually responded with a brief 'Hello?'

_**Damn.**_

Taking a deep breath, Frederica Bernkastel clenched her fist as she mustered all her patience, and then responded with her usual stoic tone with much difficulty.

"Hello...Hachijo."

* * *

**A/N: BACK FROM HIATUS! WOOT!**

**….And I think my sense humour sort of expired….I need more inspiration to get away from writer's block in the future, muu….I somehow love Kanon here, he's so OOC, xD. The poor thing, xDD.**

**Please review! They're (as always) really appreciated! :D**

**-Densetsu-no-Maguro.**


	9. Happy Mother's Day

_Mothers are all slightly insane. -J.D. Salinger._

Chapter 10

Frederica Bernkastel felt as if her stomach lopsided, her insides churning and her fist threatening to gush out blood as she clenched it with all her might. The very thought of her calling this woman was sickening her to no end, but she really didn't have a choice. Her nonsensical father and her uptight mother pushed her to the deep end, all the way up to the corner until she had to call upon the person she hated most for help.

_There goes my credit, _the heiress thought.

"Oh hello, my _miko_," the velvetish voice came from the other line, emphasizing on Bernkastel's nickname oh-so-sweetly. "I see that you are in need of my services, mm? Running to me so fast, Frederica?"

"Don't get cocky, Hachijo," Bernkastel spat. "I just need one more favour from you, then you can just go die in a hole somewhere and I won't even care."

The woman known as Hachijo laughed. "Oh, Frederica, Frederica, when will you ever learn those manners I taught you? When will you ever apply them…and it's been so long since I've took you under my wing…"

"It was the **worst eight years** of my life," the girl returned. "And I didn't call you for the sake of reminiscing. I called you for a reason, so don't make me waste my credit."

Hachijo was interested, of course, for it has been quite a while since Bernkastel has even made contact with her. Smiling to herself from the other line, she picked up a black pen and started spinning it around with her free hand, and then sipped her mug of coffee.

"Hmm? You need me for something, Frederica? I must tell you this though; my services don't come free, even though you are my protégé…."

"Just tell me what the heck you want, monster. I just want this to get over with."

A seemingly 'innocent' giggle (yet of course it contained a bit of a scheming nature to it) could be heard, even if it was too low for Bernkastel to hear. Lambdadelta was huddling up to the winery owner's phone, trying to listen as well, but to no avail. Bernkastel was growing angrier and more impatient by the second, until Hachijo answered after a few torturous seconds.

"I know….what's that thing you always say when you were a child? That cute verbal tic you always do…the one that you say every time you end a sentence….I can't remember, but can you say that for me please?"

Bernkastel froze.

She widened her eyes.

And nearly crushed her phone into tiny bits and miniature pieces.

"…..No."

"Come on, say it," Hachijo continued on with her condescending voice. "It's just one word….surely you remember how it goes…"

She really didn't have a choice, and she knew it.

Taking a deep breath, Bernkastel closed her eyes, increasing the suspense and retaining the silence in the atmosphere. Lambdadelta and Hachijo were just waiting for the moment when Bernkastel would speak again, and biting her lip; Bernkastel cleared her throat, sighed and returned back to the phone to say that horrid verbal tic she used to utter every time when she was a little girl.

"….N…."

"….Go on?" Hachijo coaxed her.

"…N…N….Ni…Ni…." Bernkastel's face scrunched up a great deal, and she felt like choking any second now.

"Continue, Frederica."

"…Ni…Ni….Ni…Ni….!"

"You're getting there, come on."

"…Ni…."

_..Damn you….._Bernkastel thought, cursing the older woman with all her might.

"…_..Nii…."_

…_Damn you…..!_

"…_**..NIPAA~!"**_

* * *

Lately, Hachijo Tohya's editorial office is pretty messy.

Lambdadelta could say that it was a massive understatement, for it had papers flying everywhere, computer keyboards being typed on mercilessly fast and it simply looked like everything was unorganized and terribly out of control. It sort of looked like that editorial office of Lambdadelta's workplace, where she applied for a brief internship, but this was far worse. If it was spruced up a bit, it surely would've been nicer. The large windows taking up most of the walls were a nice touch though and it had a wonderful concept of a glass house. But that didn't matter at all to the heiress of the Bernkastel family. What mattered most was how to get rid of her parents, and that answer lies in her legal guardian, the famed author Hachijo Tohya, who smiled before her condescendingly while tapping her pen on her desk. Unlike the extremely cluttered editorial office they've just been to, Hachijo's office was completely spotless, organized and very professional looking.

"So you want something from me, _mm_, Frederica?"

Bernkastel simply looked around, and then sipped her tea begrudgingly. "Only protection and your advice. That alone would suffice for the issue of my parents."

"Protection?" Lambdadelta's eyes widened. "For what, Bern?"

"Defense against my parents. Hachijo is still my legal guardian, and my parents left my official documents under her property. So I want this witch to back me up legally."

The famed author who was known for writing 55 books in a month simply continued tapping her pen on her desk, wearing a placid smile as she crossed her legs sophisticatedly. Hachijo knew that Bernkastel hated that smile to death, and as expected, Bernkastel's fist was clenched automatically. Pondering about her request, Hachijo looked out of the window for a while, and then looked back at Bernkastel, who was waiting for an answer impatiently.

Finally, the ebony-haired writer leaned back. "Have you heard the story of Rapunzel?"

Bernkastel obviously hasn't got the time for any of this, judging from her expression. "I don't have time for this, Hachijo. Just give me your answer and I'll gladly take my leave."

"Oh, but I _am_ giving you my answer. Now answer me, Frederica, do you know the tale of Rapunzel?"

"Yes. It's about that girl with insanely long hair, right? You never stopped telling me that story every night until I had to scream at you to tell me another one."

"Now, now, _Rapunzel_," Hachijo smiled condescendingly upon her protégé. "You shouldn't run to your Mother Gothel to help you fight another Mother Gothel. It would ruin the entire story, now wouldn't it?"

At this, Bernkastel snapped her eyes open.

"I see, I see!" Lambdadelta sprung up, having kept silent all this time to analyze the situation. "So you're NOT helping Bern, but you're helping her at the same time! Oh, so smart, so smart~!"

The blue-haired winery owner didn't pay heed to Lambda's clue and slammed her hand on the desk. "Why not?"

"You must flow with the story, my _miko_. Instead of getting rid of your parents, why don't you try a different approach? Maybe, something that they would agree to? They would agree to you following their every whim, so why don't you do that?"

Bernkastel was aghast.

Was that the response that she was waiting for?

Was that the answer that she came all this way for?

"…Forget it," she got up. "I guess you're still the monster that I know. It can't be helped. If you're not going to help me get rid of them, then I will get rid of them myself."

With that, Bernkastel angrily left Hachijo's office, only leaving a rather amused Lambdadelta and Hachijo, who were both looking at the calendar at a certain circled date.

May 8.

* * *

It was the next day.

The hotel was decorated with lovely pink roses, and each of the family members looked very happy. The cousins were in the kitchen, hogging everything they could hog and literally kicked the servants out. Battler was sampling some chocolate, Jessica was baking a cake, George was trying to make parfait and Maria was intent on baking her mama some homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Thing is, it wasn't looking so good.

Jessica, for one hand, discovered that she couldn't bake. George, on the other, didn't know what parfait was. Maria at least knew how to make the cookie dough, but since she ate all the chocolate chips, they were nowhere to be found. And Battler used up all his cocoa, so the chocolate didn't taste at all like chocolate. It tasted somewhat like rust. Ange's gift was perfect, since they were only white lilies that she picked from the garden early that morning.

And they simultaneously wished for Lion to come back soon.

"Uu….Maria already made the cookies for mama, but they don't taste so good…"

"Same here," Jessica sighed. "I made the cake, but it tastes like soap…."

"And we're running out of time..." George checked his watch. "At least Ange knew what to do for her gift. Kyrie-obasan must be a very lucky woman to have a smart daughter."

Ange scrunched her nose. "Not so much, but thanks for the sentiments. I also have to help onii-chan with his gift, because it tastes rather like rust."

_But I'll gladly eat them,_ she thought.

Suddenly, Shannon and Kanon ran into the kitchen, calling out to the other cousins with huge megaphones in their hands.

"ATTENTION! THEY'RE COMING! GET EVERYTHING READY!"

The cousins bit their lips, dreading the reactions of their mothers with their horrible gifts.

* * *

"A…ah! Jessica, t…thank you..."

Natsuhi was of course, touched with her daughter's gift, but she had to keep reminding herself that it was the thought that counts, not the gift. Krauss kept on telling her that it was alright not to try and finish it, but she insisted to make her smiling daughter happy. Of course, Ushiromiya Natsuhi couldn't tell her daughter that she can't cook, but nevertheless, she was very happy that her daughter remembered this wonderful date. There was also a text message from Lion wishing her a happy mother's day, and that he would be back in a few days' time.

In Eva's case, she was dead happy. George had managed to decorate the ill-tasting parfait with the One-Winged Eagle, and instead of eating it, she decided to simply admire it with pride. Hideyoshi was laughing heartily at the antics of his wife, who was practically squealing and touching the One-Winged Eagle design.

Kyrie was bemused. She decided to put Ange's lilies in a vase, and promised to take good care of it. When she came to Battler's gift, however, she somehow felt like throwing up, but she decided to keep up her reputation as a strong former Sumadera. The Sumaderas, of course, have stomachs of iron, so she simply thanked her children and ran off with Rudolf for a nice mother's day breakfast.

Maria didn't want to give her mama such ill-tasting cookies, but Rosa ate them anyways, commenting that no one in the world would ever bake such cookies except for her dearest Maria. It sort of helped that Rosa had a blocked nose, so she didn't actually taste it, and she decided that she would give Maria a piggyback ride pretty soon after the mother's day festivities. Even Shannon, Gaap and Beato (who just came in with fresh mackerels and recently wished Virgilia) came in to wish Kumasawa a happy Mother's Day, although she wasn't their real mother.

Bernkastel and Lambdadelta were simply sitting down on the sofas, looking at the happy mothers before them. All at once, Frederica noticed her mother, who was looking pretty unknowing, but she could tell that her mother really wanted her to give her something, much less wish her. Franziska somewhat shifted everywhere, moving and moping before her daughter, who was just sitting there with the blonde reporter.

_It would ruin the entire story now, wouldn't it?_

_Now, now, you mustn't run to Mother Gothel for help to fight another Mother Gothel._

With that, Frederica got up, walked up to her mother and looked emotionlessly at her, contemplating on what to say. Hachijo had wanted her to follow her mother, and the witch certainly didn't do anything that would bring about negative implications to her, so she decided to go along with the story, as Hachijo had referred it to.

"….I'll go with you to Germany for four days since its Mother's Day. Don't expect a visit after that, though."

With that, Franziska Bernkastel's tears welled up in her eyes and hugged her daughter tightly, for the first time in many years.

* * *

_To Takano Miyoko,_

_It's May 8, right? Well, I know by the time you get this, it won't be May 8 anymore. It's been a long time since we've kept in touch, haven't we? This is gonna be short and sweet, because the mail worker here is looking pretty pissed at me writing this letter right at the counter. _

_Happy Mother's Day~. I'll try to send you something afterwards._

_Your daughter,_

_Takano Lambdadelta (Miyo)._

* * *

It was really awkward, but Kanon had to say it.

He never had a mother in his life, and he had missed so many Mother's Day occasions that he decided that he would wish a Happy Mother's Day to every single person who has taken him under his wing all this time. He already said it to Kumasawa, _Genji_, **Gohda** and _**Nanjo.**_

The last person is _**Kinzo.**_

Now he didn't know how to actually tell Kinzo, but he arranged his words very properly, and he found the most appropriate moment when he saw Kinzo walking to his study that afternoon.

"Um…Master Kinzo, I felt the need to say this, and I know you're not a mother, but happy mother's day," Kanon mustered his strength and gave Kinzo a bottle of absinthe he picked up from the Bernkastel Winery a few days ago.

Kinzo simply looked at the boy, took the absinthe and shut himself in his study.

* * *

**A/N: Huh? I didn't post this chapter on Mother's Day? I'M OVERDUE DUE TO HIATUS.**

I'm really sorry that this chapter came really late! . I hope you like it!

_**Nipaaaa~ Review, please! :D**_

-Densetsu-no-Maguro.


	10. Extras: Kanon's Dream 2

Extras: Kanon's Dream 2 (Chapter 10)

"So you want to become a ventriloquist."

In the hotel café, two figures sat at a table near the window, sipping tea as the bereted boy looked down at his pants, hiding his embarrassment. Elegantly decorated slices of chocolate cake were on two plates, each resting on the table at their respective consumers. Right across Kanon was the person whom he chose to tell his secret to, the person whom he thought would help him live his dreams even if it's for a few minutes. He was smart in picking the person, for the person had a massive link of connections and an incredibly social demeanour which elicits approval from anyone whom she asked for requests (but in sheer reality, he wasn't really sure of her tongue, which tends to slip every now and then).

But of all people, he wondered why he chose Gaap of all people.

_Gaap._

**GAAP.**

….Gaap.

What kind of person would name their daughter _**Gaap?**_

* * *

"AACHOO!"

In a separate kakera, the fashionable demon sneezed unceremoniously, greatly shocking the Endless Witch and her opponent in the midst of their chess game. Beatrice, holding her pawn in the air stopped midway, Battler jerked, Ronove nearly dropped his tray of cookies as he came in and Virgilia's eyes snapped open with shock. Her curls bounced, wobbling a bit as she froze for a while to comprehend her peculiar sneeze. Sniffling, Gaap whipped out a pink handkerchief from her pocket, blowing her nose as she rose up her hand apologetically, looking a bit bewildered and confused for a little while.

"S…sorry Riiche, my bad…*sniffle*…"

* * *

Well…

Gaap cleared her throat, clearly amused at Kanon's indirectly outspoken thoughts. In reality of course, Gaap wasn't her real name. She simply took that nickname due to her having such an embarrassing name that was considered taboo in her books. Being adopted herself (by Beatrice's elder sister), she was named, but it was too horrifyingly embarrassing that she couldn't even bring herself to write it down her employment form back when she applied to work in the hotel. Gaap looked at the younger boy in front of her, pondering about the best way Kanon could show his talent off to people. Obviously being a closet ventriloquist wasn't an option, and one could wonder how long Kanon had put this up until now. Gaap fumbled with all her business cards that she has collected in her socialite life, until it practically stacked up and accumulated on the coffee table.

At last, Gaap snapped her fingers and slammed her hands on the table with realization, making the tea spill slightly and shocking Kanon a great deal.

"AH! I know just the thing! Do you know the talent show the hotel is organizing for the arrival of the boss's family?"

Kanon nodded, obviously interested. "What about it, Gaap-san?"

"The auditions are tomorrow! You can enter and show the boss's family what you can do, and maybe," with this, she nudged Kanon playfully and winked, "you can impress that Mrs. Natsuhi's daughter you've been eyeing….what was her name again? Jessica! Maybe you could impress her and you could have fame if you're lucky! AHAHAHAHA! This is so perfect, Kanon! Join, join!"

"But…."

…_..Wait a second, Kanon_, his thoughts emanated. _Think._

_1: Audition._

_2: Perform._

_3: ?_

_4: PROFIT! _

…_YES._

With that, Kanon high-fived Gaap and ran to the audition centre, where his dreams might escalate to another level.

* * *

He couldn't.

He simply couldn't.

With his puppet in his hand, and with his shivering figure right behind Genji's, it's terribly impossible.

Shannon had her cleaning skills, Kumasawa has her mackerel juggling act, Gohda had invented a new frying pan, Nanjo found a new line of fashion, Ronove had his 'Super-Ultra-Delicious-Powerful Cookie Dough' that was known to have special effects and Genji's talent was simply standing there and making everyone suspicious of him. They were lining up one by one for the talent audition (with the exception of Beatrice and Gaap), and already Kanon could feel the unnerving tension.

"I sure hope George-san can see my potential in cleaning…I tried my very best to keep it up to par…I don't know what will happen if George-san doesn't approve, it just means that I'm not good enough…I'm not good enough…" Shannon said emotionlessly, her eyes being dangerously blank. "But don't worry, because George-san will be mine…no matter what Eva-sama says…"

With that, she smiled rather insanely, until Kumasawa had to whack the poor girl with a fresh mackerel until she was finally sane again.

"Shannon!" Gaap called. "You're up!"

"Ah, y-yes! I'll be right there, Gaap-san!"

Kanon could feel the drops of sweat from his palms drip on the floor.

* * *

"So what are you going to show me, boy? I have absinthe to drink, so you better hurry up!"

The rest of the servants were watching Kanon from behind Kinzo, who was fumbling and trying to muster up all his courage and confidence. He had given Gaap that instrumental CD, and all he had to do is sing. Sing through the puppet without opening his mouth at all. It's an easy task for him, but to do it in front of Kinzo? Not so much. But when he saw the encouraging faces of the fellow servants, he decided that he would get over this and show them what he's got. Maybe he could even be better than his _yandere_ of a sister who keeps cleaning, cleaning, AND CLEANING.

Bowing, he held up his Akemi Homura puppet, waited for the song to start and when it finally did, he was focused.

He would get a spot in this talent show.

He will impress Lady Jessica.

He will perform.

With that resolve, the Homura puppet opened her mouth to sing.

"….._Kawashita ya…_"

* * *

**A/N: And Kanon sings CONNECT by ClariS. I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica, nor Akemi Homura, NOR CONNECT. I'm merely mentioning it in this fic, tee hee.**

I'm sorry if this is really rushed, but please review! They're always appreciated (and you know that, right? ^^)! I'll plan to reveal Gaap's real name (which is not canon by the way, it's simply from my imagination) in later chapters, so stay tuned!

-Densetsu-no-Maguro.

_**[I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica, nor Umineko no Naku Koro Ni. Purely fanmade.]**_


	11. Ponytails

"_Hello, S.S. Van Dine and Associates, how may I help you?"_

_In the heart of Tokyo, there was an individual working stark early in his office, receiving the first phone call of the day. The digital clock on his desk said '09:12' and the sun shone in his personal office, illuminating everything with the familiar light of the morning sun. Taking his Styrofoam cup of coffee that he bought recently from Love~ Coffee (owned by the entrepreneur twins Zepar and Furfur, which had quite an embarrassing design to the male consumers' opinion), he sipped the freshly brewed coffee as he returned to his phone call._

"…_..Dlanor, didn't I tell you to call me during emergencies?" the man chastised the person on the other line, using a gentle yet stern tone. "And__** aren't you not allowed to bring your hand phone to school?**__"_

"_I'm sorry," a small, but strangely mature (with a hint of a childish) voice came, "but I guess this is an EMERGENCY. I found Diana in my bag, and the teacher wanted to confiscate her until I told her that I'll call you to come OVER. So she wants you to take Diana home, and I think you should come NOW. Apparently Diana is HUNGRY."_

"…_You didn't finish your lunch yesterday, did you, Dlanor?"_

"…_.How can you accuse me of such a THING?"_

_The man sighed. "Tell the teacher that I'm busy at the moment and feed Diana. Make sure she eats. Shut off your phone and make sure to take care of it, okay? I won't buy you another one if you lose it. And don't bring it to school again, you hear?" He stated his instructions to the girl as if he had memorized it by heart._

"_Of COURSE. Have a good day at WORK. Say hi to Lion-san for ME. What time will you pick me up from SCHOOL?"_

"_Around twelve. I'll get your stuff ready before we go to Nijima, alright?"_

"_Thank YOU. See you LATER."_

* * *

And that was BEFORE everything went wrong.

* * *

Chapter 11

"WILL, PLEASE! STOP THE CAR! IT'LL EAT MY HAIR ALIVE! I PROMISE NEVER TO PINCH YOUR BUTT AGAIN! OH GOD, WILL, **PLEASE STOP THE CAR**! _**PLEASEEEE!**_"

A proud prosecutor and detective, Willard Huntington Wright has a respectable job, a loving family to support and has many achievements in his 20 years of living. His cool, aloof demeanour has helped him gain many peers, acquaintances and friends, but Will only focused on performing his work for the sake of justice and the welfare of his mother, Clair Vaux Bernardus (who divorced twice and is currently single) and his stepsister, Dlanor Arbuthnott Knox. This unimaginably young prosecutor is well known for completing tasks with utmost perfection if he sets his mind to it, and Will is that type of person who can do almost anything.

Anything except convincing his best friend Ushiromiya Lion that _cars aren't evil._

"Lion," the prosecutor sighed, "the car's not going to do anything to you, nor your hair. As long as I'm driving it, everything's going to be perfectly fine. And stop your screaming, for God's sake! You'll wake up Dlanor."

Nevertheless, the Ushiromiya heir simply refused to accept that. "It WILL do something to me, Will. The last time I ever fixed a car was with Battler, and it tried to suction my ponytail in its horrid, nightmarish engine!"

"It won't suction your hair, Lion. This car is perfectly well-oiled and running."

"It's old."

"Yeah, sure it's old, but not THAT old!"

"Your father drove this car ever since you were a toddler."

"…..The exterior is holding up well."

"….You're kidding me, right? THE BOOT IS LOOSE. The brake lights don't work either."

Now Will was running out of positive points about his 20 year old car that wasn't supposed to get them to the port, much less move. The car was obviously grimy, hasn't gotten a carwash in years and the engine sounded worse than Lion's uncle Hideyoshi's singing. There were a number of things Will didn't know about Lion, mainly his gender, but he decided to reach the hypothesis that Lion was a really feminine guy. Dlanor was scrunching up her nose during the whole trip, and Diana was simply _itching_ to scratch Lion's face if he didn't shut up.

"So a-anyways," Lion stuttered, trying to distract himself from the fact that he's on a moving car, "why do you want to go to Nijima too, Will?"

"I was given a case. Apparently there are rumours about a hired spy looming about in Nijima….so I decided to go with you to try and solve it. Can you take the files from the back seat and read the particulars?"

Lion then reached for the yellow file Will mentioned and proceeded to open and read the contents.

"Apparently…the people connected to the spy is Mr. Okonogi Tetsuro and Miss Sumadera Kasumi….wait, Kasumi-obasan is…."

"Related to your aunt Ushiromiya Kyrie," the detective finished. "So yeah, we might need to keep our eyes and ears open, if you want your grandpa's hotel to be safe."

Lion thought long and hard about it, and then nodded his head in agreement to cooperate with Will's case.

"So how do we find this spy?"

"Oh, pretty simple actually….." Will drove on. "A guy with a ponytail seems pretty easy to spot on a little island."

"…By that, do you mean ME?"

"…..Asides from you."

* * *

"Well, thank you so much Kawabata-san!" a middle school student smiled at the ferryman with a catty smile.

Tightening her blue pigtails, the girl walked towards the hotel with a pretty confident look. As she whipped out her cellphone, she dialled a foreign number, and then waited for the person at the other line to answer.

"I'm here, my cousin," she smirked, taking her stride in the Rokkenjima Hotel.

The new guest has arrived.

* * *

**A/N: Try to guess who's the new guest, xD. It's pretty simple, mm?**

Please review! I've actually been rushing with this chapter, and your reviews are always appreciated! Thank you so much for the previous reviews!

-Densetsu-no-Maguro.


	12. LOGIC and capital letters

Chapter 12

**1156 hours, Rokkenjima Hotel, Nijima Island, **according to Will's super-programmed watch.

"...And this is the resident doctor around here, Doctor Nanjo Terumasa," Lion introduced with a very charming smile while gesturing to the coconut-bra clad doctor.

Now Will had no qualms with being introduced to Lion's family, but the way Lion lengthened their descriptions simply called for a moment when his brain would explode due to unnecessary (and intimately private) information. He definitely didn't need to know that his cousin George had a _maid fetish_, his OTHER cousin Maria _loved watching shows concerning blood_ **NOR** the fact that Nanjo had a _hula skirt_ in his closet. The whole family seemed content with the fact that Lion brought a friend home, ESPECIALLY Maria, who gushed about Dlanor until she ended up shouting "UU~ UUUU~!" at the top of her lungs, greatly aggravating her mother, Rosa until she had to yell at the little 9-year-old to shut up.

_This is a very weird family, _Will thought to himself.

"Lion," Natsuhi stepped forward and smiled at her _brilliant, wonderful, handsome, utterly ingenious_ son. "We are privileged to be introduced to your friend here, but could you introduce him to us, please? We would very much want to know what is his background."

Lion nodded. "Of course, mother." He then proceeded to take out some mounting boards which was decorated for Will's grand introduction to the family. Will stepped forward, hands in his pockets and prepared to boast about himself to the family.

"My name is Willard H. Wright, and I work as a prosecutor."

The Ushiromiya heir raised the mounting board which said, **'He is Willard H. Wright. He drinks Love~Coffee every morning.'**

A fraction of the family made rather funny faces, making Will rather bewildered. However, he decided to continue.

"As I was saying...you can call me Will. There's no need to be formal with me."

**'Free Willy! Free Willy!' **with a cute dolphin drawing on the second board. George and Jessica were giggling to themselves now, prompting Will to turn around just to see Lion look at the entrance, whistling as if he had nothing to do with anything. So he decided to continue yet again.

"I'm always at the top of my class, even in college..."

**'Pinch Will's butt for 200 yen! Guaranteed softness and buoyancy!'**

This time, Eva was laughing unceremoniously, clinging onto her brother Krauss, who was wiping the tears from his eyes. Will turned around, catching Lion in the act, who in turn hid the mounting board behind him, smiling rather nervously as the entire Ushiromiya family rolled on the floor laughing. Even Kanon hammered a nail to the wall, which was really...peculiar for someone who experienced a large amount of humor.

"Ey Will, your butt bounces? Man, Lion must be really lucky to pinch those everyday!" Battler erupted in fits of laughter with Beatrice leaning onto him for support. The girl hasn't had a good laugh in years ever since, but for some reason, Battler stopped laughing. Instead, his face was discovered to be a bright red, and as Beatrice realized that she was clinging onto him, she immediately let go, blushing beet red as well.

But Will was red for a different reason.

He was red with anger.

Red with humiliation.

And as he turned to the blonde butt-pincher, he yelled at the top of his voice just for the whole world to hear.

**_"USHIROMIYA LION!"_**

* * *

"Um...may I come in...?"

The atmosphere suddenly became really quiet as the family averted their attention to a middle-school girl wearing a school uniform. She looked pretty shy, blinking her blue eyes like that while holding her brown school bag. The girl looked like she was recently drenched in the ocean somehow, because her clothes, her hair, everything was dripping wet until it even formed a little puddle on the hotel floor.

For some reason, even though there was no wind in the hotel (save for the air conditioner, but it didn't help much), her blue pigtails were blowing in the wind.

"Who...are you?" Kinzo asked. "You look like a broken bottle."

The girl mustered up her confidence and bowed politely. "My name is Furudo Erika. It's a pleasure to meet you...You see, I'm homeless...and this is the only thing I can wear..." She even feigned tears as she quivered her lip. "If I could just dry off here..."

"Wow, you're a really bad liar, do you know that?" Battler sighed. "**LOGICALLY** speaking, how the hell can you go to school if you're homeless? And it's definitely not **LOGICAL** that your pigtails are blowing in nonexistent wind..." He then paused, then looked at Beatrice with an incredulous look.

"Why is it that this world I'm in is terribly** ILLOGICAL**?"

"Because, Battler," Beatrice smirked. "It's magic."

"Magic...AH! I see what you're doing! You're trying to mess with my head as we speak, you golden-haired monster! Trying to put** ILLOGICAL** things in my head even though this world is clearly not **LOGICAL**...You're very clever, Beatrice!" Battler exclaimed.

"...Battler, are you okay?"

"Okay? I'm more than okay! I'm merely stating that you are not **LOGICAL** just to mess with my **LOGICAL **brain and disrupting my **LOGIC!"**

"It's magic, ignorant Battler," she huffed. "You don't have to emphasize your usage of the word 'logical' every time, because it'll never be logical. Here, I'll show you. Maria dear, come over here for a while, mm?"

"Uu~?"

"Show him some magic, mm, Maria?"

"Yes, Beatrice! UU! Come, Battler! Just believe magic is possible!"

* * *

**We shall skip this scene of Beatrice demonstrating to Battler through the actions of Maria conjuring up bunny girls from nowhere and focus on Erika.**

* * *

"That...can't be **LOGICAL**..." Battler twitched.

"I know you!" Lion exclaimed, proceeding to shake Erika's hand. "You're Frederica Bernkastel-san's cousin, Furudo Erika! It's a pleasure to have you here! Though you really didn't need to make up the story about being homeless, there's really no point."

"My cousin's currently in Germany, so please excuse my indecent entrance. She actually called me to come here because I had stuff to do in Nijima," Erika smiled.

Ange somehow realized there was something missing among all the mayhem that was happening right at that moment, but she couldn't put her finger at it somehow. More guests were coming in the hotel, and Grandfather was being incredibly lenient due to the massive amount of coincidental connections, but somehow, there was something not right about the atmosphere. Something that was lacking. Something...blonde.

"Onii-chan," she asked. "Where's Lambdadelta?"

* * *

**Snap**. _**Snap**_. _Snap snap snap snap snap snap snap._

"Lambda," Bernkastel stoically looked at the blonde-haired wonder with her photographer's camera. "Why are you here?"

The blonde reporter smiled as she held up a magazine with her article in it. "Comes with the job, Bern~."

* * *

As the Ushiromiyas and their guests sat on the lunch table, they had a terribly unique style of cutlery this time. Shannon and Kanon claimed that it was a new trend for hotels, which was to put forks, spoons, knives and chopsticks. When the food was served, everyone used the forks, spoons and knives laid out for them on the table and proceeded to eat the delicious food the cooks had made for them.

But there were two people who didn't pick those. They chose the chopsticks, and albeit immediately, Ushiromiya George and Furudo Erika's eyes met.

"Ah, Furudo-san, you chose the chopsticks too?" George faked a smile. Obviously, he didn't want someone else to use chopsticks, because it was considered a privilege that he was the only one who could use those godly utensils on the table.

Erika smiled snidely as well. "Oh yes, Ushiromiya-san. Chopsticks are my forte, you know. I absolutely adore them, and I vowed to use them on every meal I encounter on the table for the rest of my life."

"Well then," he carried on smiling, his glasses glinting dangerously. "I'm sorry, Furudo-san, but I won't be having that on the Ushiromiya table."

The atmosphere drastically changed until everyone felt the dangerously suffocating aura in the dining hall.

"Oh? What do you propose, Ushiiiiromiya-saaaan?" Erika put on her troll face. She could see George's grip on his chopsticks tightening as he got up, placed them in a bowl which contained the last piece of chicken and looked back at her.

"Chopstick battle. Are you game, Furudo-san?"

Erika rammed her chopsticks in the bowl as well, welcoming the challenge. "Whenever you're ready, Ushiromiya-san."

* * *

**A/N:** I really hope this makes up for Chapter 11...It really was short, wasn't it? XD. I guess I'm that type of writer who wants to get straight to the point and not describe everything in detail, xD. To all my reviewers, you really boost up my spirit to write this fanfic! :DD

**[I don't own Free Willy.]**

-Densetsu-no-Maguro.


	13. It Won't Crash? Really?

Chapter 13

"We will now ask the contestants to enter," Lion announced from the podium.

The competition has moved to the closed hall of the hotel, and right at the middle was two pairs of chopsticks, one pair which is blue and the other red. There were two bowls which contained a jalapeno pepper each, and from the two entrances of the hall emerged Ushiromiya George and Furudo Erika themselves, wearing a red yukata and a blue kimono respectively. Taking their places and picking up the chopsticks that matched their coloured outfits, they awaited Lion's instructions before he commences the competition.

Adjusting the microphone, Lion nodded to himself. "The rules of this chopstick battle are simple. No major casualties and you only battle using your chopsticks. Water will not be provided, as shown, for after you eat your jalapenos, you'll have to fight each other armed only with your chopsticks with that spicy sensation in your mouth…..oww."

Everyone squirmed, but Eva looked very confident, chewing a jalapeno pepper herself.

"Are you clear with the rules?" Lion asked, sipping his green tea in that mug his grandfather gave him for his birthday that said 'Best Grandson Ever', with the word 'Grand' written in black marker right in front of the word 'Son'.

"We adhere to the rules," Erika and George spoke up, grinning confidently at each other.

"Then we shall start…..NOW."

* * *

_3.14 pm, plane to Tokyo (Frankfurt Airport), Germany. _

"Now Bern….Do you like ponies?"

That was the one hundred and seventieth question Lambdadelta asked Bernkastel while waiting for the plane to depart. Somehow, the plane some 'technical difficulties' or something like that, so Lambdadelta was so paranoid that at one point, she thought that the plane actually departed from the ground already. The plane hasn't budged one bit, and the passengers were impatient, angry and strangely hungry. Bernkastel sighed as she looked out of the plane window, and then turned to answer her forcefully made friend.

"No, I do not like ponies," she answered coldly.

Lambdadelta dramatically gasped, catching the attention of the people behind and in front of them. "You don't like ponies?"

Bernkastel rubbed her temples. "No, Lambda."

"Then….do you like pencils?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Because if I don't ask you questions, we'll get bored! We'll die out of boredom!"

"_You_ will die out of boredom, not me," Bernkastel said in an indifferent tone.

"BERRRRRN!"

All of a sudden, a little boy came up to Lambdadelta, stared at her square in the face and made himself at home by sitting on her lap. Lambdadelta widened her eyes, blinking them rather shockingly and managed to muster at least a squeak because she was too shocked to even talk.

"U-um…hey…little guy! Why're you sitting on my lap…?"

Bernkastel somewhat stared the little boy down, maybe out of jealousy, but he paid no heed. "Do you like ponies, lady?"

"E-eh?"

"I said, DO YOU LIKE PONIES?"

"Uh…..yeah?"

"Great!" the little boy laughed. "SAY YAY TO PONIES!"

Lambdadelta was very, VERY confused. "Um…yay!"

"Ponies….are….decent…" Bernkastel managed to mouth out, but she immediately drank her water out of disgust due to her unexpected choice of words. Trying to get a response from Lambdadelta, she sort of waited for some sort of reaction, but Bernkastel saw not even the slightest attention towards her incredibly absurd statement. Instead, Lambdadelta was squealing at the unbelievable sight before her and started ranting all about ponies from all around the world, stating their sickeningly long breed names and whatever she could blurt out from that petite, pink mouth of hers.

_Wait_, Bernkastel thought.

_I was looking at her mouth?_

…_..Ick._

"I LIKE PONIES, MISS!"

_Oh God, PLEASE SHUT UP._

Suddenly, the flight attendant came up to them and smiled politely, giving them hot towels for them to use. "Please put on your seatbelts. We are about to depart soon."

"Thank you!" Lambdadelta perked up, feeling the warmth of the towel.

* * *

A few pony-mentioning hours later...

As the plane was departing, Bernkastel felt something strange. The plane emitted really strange sounds, but no one actually seemed to notice or hear it. She wanted to nudge Lambdadelta, but apparently she was too busy humouring the sickeningly inquisitive little boy. With a worried look on her face, Bernkastel shivered somewhat.

"Did you hear that?" Bernkastel asked in a low tone.

Lambdadelta simply tilted her head rather unknowingly. "Huh? Hear what?"

"HEAR PONIES? I KNOW I HEARD A BLUE ONE NEIGH FROM BELOW THERE."

"Not that, you twit. It's the plane. Planes don't make those sounds unless something's damaged in the…"

All of a sudden, the plane jerked downwards, causing Bernkastel's fears to be realized.

* * *

_1.17 am, Rokkenjima Hotel, Nijima. _

With no intent to lose, both parties already began striking each other with their chopsticks, neither wielding nor leaving any openings. The spicy sensation stung both George and Erika's mouths, but they persevered, dealing wounds and blisters on their opponent's hands. With the 'cling' and the 'clang' of the chopsticks striking each other, nails were being broken and tears formed from both of their eyes in less than five minutes.

'_Damn….it's spicy!'_ Erika thought to herself. "C-crying already, Ushiromiya Geoooorge?"

Erika taunted, wiping her own tears with her free hand. Her left foot was on the table, helping her get up to taunt George more by literally fighting him from the top of the table. George tried to defend himself by trying to poke Erika with the deadly strikes of his chopsticks, but the sensation in his mouth wasn't helping at all.

"Don't g-get so cocky, Furudo Erika! I have the upper hand!"

"Upper hand? I can only see your upper hand adorned with beautiful wounds and scratches!"

By now, there were a lot of wounds on the contestants' hands, but neither of them cared as they leapt from their positions, this time aiming to deal heavy damage on their opponent's bodies instead. George managed to land an attack at Erika's face, and Erika managed to attack George's chest area, to which they screamed simultaneously due to the extreme force channelled into the chopsticks.

"OWW! MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE THAT I ALWAYS MAINTAIN FOR MY COUSIN!"

"ARGH! MY CHEST! MY SEXY, UNTONED CHEST THAT ONLY ATTRACTS SHANNON!"

…..No mercy will be shown in such a battle.

* * *

_6.20 pm, plane to Tokyo, mid-air._

"Everyone, please calm down!" the flight attendants attempted to soothe the passengers.

"EVERYONE, I LIKE PONIES!" the boy confessed amidst the panic stricken passengers.

Bernkastel could do nothing as she put on her oxygen mask which dropped from the ceiling of the plane. Lambdadelta herself put the oxygen mask on, but she showed no signs of distress or panic. Instead, she simply looked around, then up and down, and then right back at Bernkastel, who was clutching onto her drawing tablet.

"Hey, Bern?" her muffled voice came from the mask.

"Yes?"

"….The plane is about to crash, right?"

"Pretty much."

"Aren't you scared?" Lambdadelta asked curiously, cradling the little pony-obsessed boy with much care without paying any heed to his panicking mother, trying to reach out for her son. The boy didn't look too panicked either, partially because he was too engrossed in his own fantasies about ponies to even bother about being in a crashing plane. Despite his mother screaming "TATSUYA! COME HERE, TATSUYA! YOU'LL GET KILLED!" he simply sat over there on Lambdadelta's lap without a care in the world.

"Well, we're about to crash head first into either a country or a sea; _of course I'm not scared._"

"Ouuuch Bern, that _burns_."

Tatsuya looked at Bernkastel rather incredulously, as if he wanted to protest. "The plane's not gonna crash, lady! It just wants to go potty!"

"Go potty?" Lambdadelta paused for a while, twitching. "What are you, some sort of kid who escaped an asylum or something? You're not even scared!"

"What's there to be scared of?" he beamed.

Lambdadelta froze, and finally setting her priorities straight, she had a massive jawdrop of utter disbelief and fear.

"…..THE SHIT?"

"Well, seriously! This plane won't crash! I'm _certain_ it won't crash!"

"You're certain this plane won't crash? Are you crazy? It'll crash little kid! It'll crash! And you say you're CERTAIN it won't crash…."

Then, albeit suddenly, she paused for a while.

"…Lambda?" Bernkastel looked at her friend with her usual indifferent look; however, she was quite concerned.

The blonde reporter instead grinned snidely before looking back at Tatsuya.

"…Well, well, you're _certain_ this plane won't crash?"

"HOLY SHIT WE'LL DIE!" one woman yelled.

"I HAVEN'T EVEN SMSED MY SON GOODBYE!" one elderly woman screeched.

"WE SHALL GO TO A LAND FILLED WITH GOLD!" a deranged psychic held up her crystal ball.

Tatsuya nodded confidently, and then lost his balance after slipping from Lambdadelta's lap, causing him to fall flat onto the airplane floor. Lambdadelta crunched her knuckles, as if she was preparing to do something that might help alleviate anything that's going wrong. Bernkastel looked at her with a shocked look as the blonde wonder simply folded her legs with a smug smile.

"W..what are you going to do?" Bernkastel asked, feeling a tad hopeful.

"Huh? Nothing, why?" Lambdadelta tilted her head. "You don't expect me to DO something, do you? Not like I have a plan or anything. I'm just a reporter, Bern! What do you expect me to do?"

Tatsuya hyperventilated.

* * *

_1.56 am, Rokkenjima Hotel, Nijima._

"I…seriously think both of you should stop…Erika-san…George-san…"

Lion was a bit startled at the amount of blood shed and scratches on the Ushiromiya floor as Erika screeched her chopsticks on the ground, trying to distract George with the irritatingly sickly sound. Krauss was tending to his wife, Natsuhi (who apparently fainted due to the sight of such an unsightly fight), Jessica was helping Eva sell off merchandise and bets to the family, Kinzo was uninterested and decided to sleep in Nanjo's room for some unknown, suspicious reason and the rest of the family were placing insane bets on who would win the competition.

"DUCT TAPE!" Erika yelled, taking a wad of duct tape and wrapping it all around George's chopsticks in a flash. Being unable to move his chopsticks, much less use them, George decided to kick his way to winning this competition. It was a battle of blood, guts and sweat, but he'd kick a girl just to get his position as the only person who would use the chopsticks at the table.

"Oww!" Erika feigned hurt, covering her chest area which George only made a slight swing at. "T-That's sexual harassment, Ushiromiya George!"

"I-I'm sorry, Furudo-san!" George apologized profusely. "I-I didn't mean to…!"

Using this advantage, Erika took this opportunity to stab his chest using her chopsticks, making Eva gasp and Hideyoshi…burp. Stepping on his now almost defeated form, Erika grinned victoriously, looking at Lion who was clutching onto the rostrum for dear life.

"Now, who's the winner?" she yelled, but as she was about to revel in her victory, the entrance blew open, revealing a girl wearing an 'I LOVE GUYS WITH GLASSES' t-shirt, a white miniskirt and sandals, holding a cleaver in her right hand.

Everyone's eyes widened at the sight of Shannon, who took up the cleaver and started swinging it wildly with glaring eyes that would turn anyone into stone.

"DON'T….."

* * *

_6.57 pm, on the crashing plane, sky._

They were still falling, but they were reaching the ground pretty soon.

* * *

_1.58 pm, Rokkenjima Hotel, Nijima._

"HURT….."

Shannon started walking up to Erika, who was rather taken aback and terrifyingly horrified of the brunette before her. The cleaver in her hands was still swinging everywhere, and staring right into Erika's blue eyes, it screamed possessiveness over her George.

* * *

_6.59 pm, near land, sky._

Still in the sky, but the plane seemed to be strangely in control.

* * *

_2.00 pm, Rokkenjima Hotel, Nijima._

"MY…"

Raising it in the air, Shannon got ready to swing and bring the weapon down at Erika, who was looking everywhere with hopes of someone saving her. George was too immobilized to even stop Shannon, and Shannon had that scary _yandere_ aura that Kanon dreaded and feared. Taking George by his hair using only one hand, she dragged his body, threw it at Kanon and screeched.

"GEEEEEEEORGEEEE!"

Furudo Erika ran for her life.

* * *

"See Bern? The kid was right; the plane DIDN'T crash after all! Now let's get some hot chocolate, mm Bern?~"

"….Oh shut up."

* * *

Kanon rubbed his temples.

Right in the servants' room, Kumasawa, Nanjo, Gohda, Genji, Gaap and Ronove were observing Shannon, who seemed pretty apologetic and remorseful over her actions. Kanon took a teaching baton, tapped her head and pointed at the whiteboard for her to read. Shaking his head disappointedly, the ebony-haired servant took his firm position at the board.

"So, what did you learn, nee-san?"

"D-Don't attack the customers…?"

"And don't borrow cleavers from that Ryuuguu girl again. PLEASE, NEE-SAN. PLEASE."

* * *

**A/N: I'M BACK! Man, this chapter was long. I'm really sorry if it was too cracky….but thanks for the reviews on this story! It's really appreciated (I tend to use this word often, but I just want you all to know how grateful I am!)! :D I really need to gain inspiration again, and please review! :D**

**-Densetsu-no-Maguro.**


	14. Extras: Kanon's Dream 3

Extras: Kanon's Dream 3 (Chapter 14)

_For the final round, you may use or improvise your act. You can also add the number of members to back you up in your act._

Kanon simply stood in front of the calendar in his room, staring at it. He looked at a certain date, circled in red marker which was also added with the words 'Jessica-sama's arrival'. It was night-time, 11 pm to be exact, but all Kanon could do was just stand there like a kid during timeout, and the reality of him being accepted during the talent show hit him hard just like that. Just recently, he went to Shannon to reconfirm what he just heard, but all that he received from his _onee-chan_ was a slam of her room door and a really disturbing squeal of her usual "GEORGE-SAMAAA!"

So since he couldn't sleep, he went down to the hotel's café just to find another sleepless person who couldn't make it through the night either, which was none other than _Beatrice._

**Beatrice**. Yeah. Beatrice...something...whatever her last name is, is drinking a latte macchiato at 11 pm.

...Come to think of it, _what's her last name?_

* * *

Sounds of gurgling water could only be heard from another kakera.

* * *

_Something's not right_, Kanon thought. But oh well. He walked over to Virgilia's singing apprentice and hesitantly took a seat at Beatrice's table, just right across her. Beatrice took notice him and smiled one of her signature smiles, then got up and spread her arms as wide as she could, shocking Kanon.

"COOONGRATULATIONS, KAAANON!" she laughed happily, burying Kanon's face in her large bosom until the poor boy couldn't breathe at all. As she kept on ranting on and on about how proud she was of him and other unnecessary things, Kanon was merely focusing on how to get away from this large-breasted lady and her marshmallow hell. After he did manage to pry out from her hellish grasps, he then decided to get on to the point, propping himself on the chair and ordered a glass of warm water.

A few seconds passed to keep the silence.

"So what brings you here this late, Kanon?" Beatrice sipped her macchiato with an elegant air.

"Nothing much...what are you doing here, Beatrice-sama?"

Beatrice simply frowned childishly, waving her empty cup as soon as she drank the last drop of her macchiato. "I couldn't sleep."

"Ah...sou..."

"...So, have you thought of the act you want to do for the talent show?" the blonde vocal student trilled, leaning forward to hear him more properly.

Kanon looked down at his warm water, then sighed. "W-what do you think of...me doing an act with the Hinamori Amu puppet?"

Beatrice simply looked at the puppet, held it up in the air and gave it back to Kanon with a straight face. "You don't look too confident with this puppet though. Are you sure you want to perform your ventriloquist act with this puppet?"

"I-I'm not very sure myself, Beatrice-sama..."

"Not very sure?" Beatrice's tone grew louder. "Giiiiiiiving uppp so fast, Kaaaaanon?"

"No! It's not that! I'm just...scared that I might lose. And I have to tell Jessica-sama that I won, if I do win...to make her happy, and all that..."

"In Jessica's case, you really should try your best then," Beatrice hummed a tune to herself. "Try...improvising."

"Improvising?" Kanon tilted his head to the side. "How do I improvise?"

"Surely being a ventriloquist isn't the only talent you have, Kanon. I've known you for years! Why don't you do something more...extravagant, extraordinary, something that you can boast to Jessica about?"

"W-What's your plan?"

Beatrice took the young boy forcefully and spread her arm as if she envisioned Kanon's future with a big grin on her face. "How does a band sound?"

* * *

Amplifiers, check.

Bass, check.

Electric guitar, check.

Drums, check.

Keyboard, check.

With everything being plugged in, Virgilia tested the keyboard's pitch bend, Hachijo tuned her bass, Beatrice replaced her guitar strings and Kanon was testing out the sound system. The main objective for Kanon's performance for the final round is that Kanon will use his ventriloquist skills to make the puppet sing with a live band accompanying it. Sounds easy, but it got harder, because Kanon has to play the second electric guitar in the band, WHILE holding the puppet and making it sing at the same time.

And it sort of made him wonder; _WHY ARE THE BAND MEMBERS ALL FEMALE?_

"It's been such a long time since I've touched my bass, Virgilia-chan," Hachijo laughed, tying up her ebony colored hair. "Sure brings back memories..."

Virgilia smiled, bowing respectfully at the elder woman (who was only older than her by a few months). "I trust you haven't lost your touch now, Ikuko-chan. How many years has it been already since you played?"

"Quite a long time, ever since I took up writing, I had no time for it...but this is a wonderful opportunity to take it up again," Hachijo smiled nostalgically.

As for Kanon, he was terribly stumped. How the hell can he hold the Yamanaka Sawako puppet near the microphone while he's playing the electric guitar? Fumbling with his guitar, he tried to make the puppet stay still at his left hand, but it was no use. Sawa-sensei kept dropping, and dropping, AND DROPPING.

And finally, he lost it.

"EAAAAAARGHHH!"

* * *

"What do we do, oshio-sama?" Beatrice asked her teacher right before they started. "Kanon's not here yet."

Everyone already took their places on the stage with Hachijo playing bass, Beatrice playing the electric guitar and Virgilia at her place at the keyboard. The audience were already there, flooding the Nijima Outdoor Stage Hall and the star of the show hasn't come yet due to having a terrible nervous breakdown. All the contestants did their best, and Kanon's performance was the last.

At last, Kanon came out with a rocker's outfit, took his place at the microphone and strummed one, long, rough note on his electric guitar, echoing from the large stage speakers. His band were rather taken aback, but they paid enough attention to know when was the cue to play the heavy metal song. Taking off his tie, Kanon threw it to someone in the audience, who squealed with delight and fainted.

"Ladies and gentlemen, listen up," Kanon said in a seductive voice, making more people swoon. "WE'RE GONNA BRING THE DAMN HOUSE DOWN! BEATRICE, CUE!"

Epicness ensued, for Kanon had finally realized his true dream. It wasn't being a ventriloquist at all, really. That was just a confusion of what he really, REALLY wanted to be.

Which was to be a screamo singer who swoons the ladies with one sweep.

* * *

Oh, and Hachijo was awesome on the bass. She ended up playing it in the Siesta Daycare the very next day for nonexistent children because there were no children to begin with.

* * *

"Guess what, J-Jessica-sama!" Kanon excitedly spoke to Jessica through the phone.

"What is it, Kanon-kun? You sound so happy!"

"I rocked the house, Jessica-sama! I sang a screamo song! And I won!"

"W-Wow, Kanon-kun! Congratulations! Did you have any fans?"

"Yeah! One of them wanted to take me home with her, so I said maybe another time, and we set up an appointment for next Monday to come over to her place! Best to keep the fans happy, right Jessica-sama?"

_*click*_

"...Jessica-sama? Hello...? J...Jessica-sama...?"

* * *

Well that was screwed. Kanon propped himself on his bed, shut off the nightlight and closed his eyes to sleep.

But what's with that uneasy feeling he's feeling right now?

* * *

**A/N: Well, that's the end of the first extra of Rokkenjima Hotel! What the hell did I just write... ._. **

**The next extra might come after a few chapters, and if you squiiiiint very carefully, this chapter contains a beginning to the real plot of Rokkenjima Hotel, so if you DO spot it, good for you! :DDD Please review and thanks for reviewing! :DDDD**

**EYE DON'T OWN K-ON.**

**-Densetsu-no-Maguro.**


	15. White Ponytailed Guy

Chapter 15

"Aaaaargh."

Plopping onto her bed clad only in a light textured t-shirt and white shorts, Lambdadelta took the initiative to crawl into the queen-sized bed in her room to rest after that really refreshing shower. It was a really hellish day ever since they landed rather safely from the faulty plane, and Bernkastel could only thank their lucky stars that they managed to survive. With the cabs overcharging them (to which Lambdadelta had to pick a fight using a game of rock, paper, scissors), finding their luggage at the airport (to which Lambdadelta listed 9 variations of the colour pink since she wanted to be specific about hers, much to the airport worker's annoyance) and having to wait at a long line in the ladies bathroom (to which Bernkastel simply threw the poor woman out of the stall and walked in), it wasn't a good day. Nevertheless, Lambdadelta still remained positive, going so far as to cheer Bernkastel up by looking at some wine in the airport's duty free wine shop.

It didn't work. The wine wasn't to her liking because they weren't old enough nor placed in the right conditions, as Bern has said.

So much for cheering her up.

So now, Lambda's getting her well deserved rest, with the 'Do Not Disturb' sign in front of her door, everything's simply _perfect. _

_Certainly perfect._

Until...

"WHERE ARE YOU, AMAKUSA JUUZA? COME AND SHOW YOURSELF!" Will suddenly appeared in Lambda's room, apparently coming in through the window with a gun and with Lion trying to catch up. Lambdadelta woke up with a start, covering her lithe form with her blanket urgently.

"W-What are you doing here?" she exclaimed. "GET OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW! YOU PERVERT!"

"E-Eh..?" Will stared at her, then bowed with utter shame and embarrassment. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't know you were resting here..."

Lion immediately tried to calm Lambdadelta down. "M...Miss Lambdadelta, we're very sorry about this! I'll get Will out of here immediately..."

"You guys planned this, didn't you? You sick, loli perverts!" Lambdadelta bit her lip, making sure to make it quiver. In reality, she was just reveling in the fun of seeing the two individuals try and deny her accusations, so she took it up a notch. "I...I'm older than I look, you know~! I'm not some 12 year old loli even if I look like one!"

"I-It's not that! We're looking for a very dangerous spy!" Will defended himself, stating his cause. Lion nodded as confirmation.

"Dangerous spy? Is it that Amakusa Juuza guy you just said earlier?"

Will took out a picture of Amakusa, then showed it to the reporter. Analyzing it, Lambdadelta took her equipment to trace a few records regarding this 'Amakusa Juuza' guy, but there was no luck. Reading over Will's files, she arranged them back, then shook her head disappointedly.

"Sorry, I don't know him~. Can I locate him?~"

Will shook his head. "No. Little kids can't do this job. It's too dangerous."

"...Little kid? I'm no kid! Take me with you!" Lambdadelta jumped up and down like an kid who was denied her candy. "Come on! Pleaaaaaaaaseeeee? I'm a reporter! I'm supposed to do this stuff, not stay at home!"

"Sorry, no."

"If you don't bring me along, I'll tell _everyone_ that you have a **loli fetish** and that you're a pervert who chases after lolis!~~" Lambdadelta blackmailed.

"Hah, you will? I'd like to see you try!"

Taking a large breath, Lambdadelta gathered her voice together and screamed at the top of her lungs. "HELP! HELP ME! I'M BEING MOLESTED BY WIL-"

Will abruptly silenced her by putting his hand over her mouth, causing Lambdadelta to make muffling sounds. "Fine, fine! You can come!"

"Thought so.~"

"...You're really sneaky, you know that?"

"Hehe, I know~."

* * *

Furudo Erika bowed before the students of the Fukuin University of Performing Arts, with her cousin Bernkastel right beside her, looking very uninterested.

"Now let's begin. Good afternoon!* My name is Furudo Erika, the detective for this case. Nice to meet you all."

Apparently, Erika was called to the university to solve the mystery of the university, which consisted of eerie sounds from the main performance hall at nighttime. They weren't truly eerie, but it was somewhat like a terrible imitation of a French accent and an Italian accent smashed together. The faculty or the students who went there claimed that it was the ghost of the legendary singer and founder of the Fukuin University of Performing Arts, **Bronove Monocle**. Well, that was according to their observations, because the clothing and the appearance of the 'ghost' were the same with Mr. Monocle's appearance in his huge portrait.

_What kind of guy would be named_ **_Bronove Monocle_**? Erika thought. _His parents must've been on crack when they filled in his name._

Virgilia smiled politely at Erika, shaking her hand. "My name is Professor Publius Virgilia Maro. Wonderful to have you here, Erika-san. These are my students, and the blonde-haired child there is my protege, Beatrice."

"...No last name?"

"I have a question," Beatrice piped up immediately. "Where's the detective we asked for, Willard H. Wright?"

Erika stuck out her tongue. "Busy. So I'm filling him in. Any more questions, Miss Beatrice?"

"Oh...so he's not available, hmm...I trusted Lion to send him to us...Well, I obviously didn't expect to find a little girl filling him in..." Beatrice sneered.

"At least my brains are better than a dumb blonde's," Erika countered.

"I wonder if your long hair pulled your brain down until the very core of your skull. Must've been heavy on your head, mm, Miss Erika?"

"E-Excuse me?" Erika exploded, prompting Virgilia to put a hand on Beatrice's mouth. However, Beatrice swatted it away, standing up from her desk and confronted Erika at the teacher's table, smirking slyly.

"Amateur," Beatrice smirked.

Bernkastel could see Erika's face contorting into a contesting smirk as well, but simply ignored it. Erika then decided to counter that. "Thick-headed bitch."

"Pig faced weirdo."

"Fatass."

"Flat-chested loli."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?" Erika lunged at her, taking duct tape from her breast pocket and tore a piece to plaster on Beatrice's mouth. Beatrice took a pair of scissors and cut the duct tape in half, thanking her fast reflexes.

"I CALLED YOU FLAT-CHESTED! ANY PROOOOBLEM, FURUDO ERIKA?"

"I...!"

Just then, Battler came in while bringing over a container of food meant for Virgilia, which was cooked by Kumasawa. "Eh, Virgilia-san! Kumasawa-san told me to deliver your lunch, so here you go...Oh, hey Beatrice."

Oh, hey Beatrice.

**_Crap._**

_Ishouldn'thavesaidthatohshitshe'..._

"WHY HELLO, BATTLER! A DELIGHT TO SEE YOU HERE! AHAHAHAHA!" Beatrice immediately straightened herself up, using her diaphragm strength to release that commanding voice of hers. Bernkastel looked at Battler, giving a small "Hello," out of courtesy.

_Well, I saw that coming._

"W-What were you doing to Erika?" he exclaimed, looking at the scissors in Beatrice's hand.

Erika could only stare at Battler, then at Beatrice, then the both of them. Making calculations in her mind, her mind started gearing up.

"I was merely setting her to her place, Battler! She went over the top with me, so I thought I'd teach her a lesson or two!"

_Now if my calculations are correct, there's a large unresolved sexual tension between the two. It's very obvious, like information in a book._

"WHAT? You don't 'teach lessons' to people with scissors!"

_And they're trying so hard to deny their affections..._

"WELL, NO ONE THINKS LIKE YOU, HA! She deserves at least a scratch or two," and with that, she smirked. "Were you scaaaaaared, Eriiiikaaaaaaa?"

_If I try to split them up and make Battler mine, it would leave Beatrice in the dust! I'm so smart!_

The self-proclaimed great detective giggled sinisterly to herself, then announced at the top of her voice. "I challenge you, Beatrice, to try and solve the Fukuin mystery before me! If you do, I'll do whatever you want!"

Beatrice's eyes widened with surprise.

Here was a girl she only known for a week, challenging HER to a mystery solving battle.

Hell, Beatrice didn't look it, but she read dozens of mystery books and even studied them (causing some of her grades to slip, but to hell with them, she thought).

This could be very interesting.

"Welllll...I accept, Furudo Eriiiika! But what happens if you win, though?"

"I shall take Ushiromiya Battler to be my fiance!"

Wait.

What?

"...**What?**" Battler and Beatrice said in unison, both confused.

"That's right, Battler! You will be my fiance, and I know how much you love each other, so this is the perfect opportunity to split you both up! I will make sure Beatrice loses, but try your best anyways, mm? AT LEAST A FIGHT'S BETTER THAN NONE! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Um...Erika..." Beatrice tried to cut in, but Erika continued on.

"I know how much you love him, Beatrice. That unresolved tension is clearly obvious, the way you two look at each other, everything! Ehehehehe, don't think it's unnoticeable! And you, Battler, get ready to say goodbye to your princess!"

"Erika, I..." Beatrice tried again.

"So get ready, Beatrice! Get ready to face the agony of losing your love! KYAHAHAHAHA! It's so GOOD!" and with that, Erika pranced out of the room, leaving a gaping Beatrice, a confused Battler and an entire class of music students. Bern was just sitting there, trying to dial Lambda's number that kept saying it was busy.

"...I never liked Battler in the first place," Beatrice blinked.

* * *

Ushiromiya Ange could just stare at the white-haired guy who just climbed into her window.

He swooped in her room just like that, and at the sight of Ange, he stared as well. He really didn't expect to climb in a girl's room, much less an Ushiromiya girl. Ange snapped out of her reverie, then stared defiantly at him, doing a martial arts stance.

"What are you doing in my room? State your name and purpose!"

"Whoa, chill, Lady. I just wanted a place to hide." he smiled, tilting his black hat. "Your name, please?"

"I don't give my name to just anyone," Ange glared daggers at him. "What are you doing here in my room? I suggest you leave right this instant."

"Aww, don't be so uptight. I'll tell you mine then. Amakusa Juuza, but you can call me Juuza."

Ange sighed. "Seriously, I can just yell from here to my mother and she'll have you out of my room immediately. Is it cash you want?" With that, Ange took out a briefcase full of money and gave it to Amakusa. "Here. Take it and leave the way you came in earlier."

"I don't want money, Lady!" he laughed. "I simply want to sp...I mean...survey around the hotel. You know what I mean, right Lady?"

"A-Are you testing me?" Ange flared, her anger rising.

All of a sudden, Ange heard Lambdadelta's voice from her window. "My GPS system tells me he's up there! In Ange's room!"

_Shit!_ Amakusa thought.

He winked at Ange, then made a dash for the window and clicked his tongue. "See you around, Lady. Sorry about that, I can't stay too long."

And he left like the wind.

By the time Will, Lion and Lambdadelta came in her room, all they found was Ange keeping her briefcase of money, and decided not to disturb her since there was no Amakusa in her room anymore. Lambdadelta's GPS led them somewhere out of Nijima, which they didn't want to chase after because the location was too far. So all that's left was a bewildered Ange and one of her name cards missing.

* * *

_"By the way, what's your name, Lady?"_ Amakusa's text appeared in Ange's phone, which made her even more suspicious. Should she answer? Or not answer?

He did say he was surveying the hotel, so maybe there's nothing wrong with that, right?

There were a lot of things wrong, Ange was sure, but it sort of...didn't hurt not to tell. It was her choice anyways. Reaching for her phone, she punched in the buttons.

_"As if I'd tell you."_

* * *

*Erika's speaking in English here.

**A/N: I'm not good in romance stuff, but I tried! :D**

**Thank you so much for your reviews! They really help me get through this fanfic and it also helps me to stay dedicated to it! Please review! Criticism is okay as well! :DD**

**-Densetsu-no-Maguro. **


	16. Beehahhhtowwh

___ I don't want to remember what you've done._

* * *

Chapter 16

_"__Sasa no ha sara-sara, __nokiba ni yureru..."_

The morning radio station of Nijima played this song over and over again in commemoration of the upcoming Tanabata Festival. Somehow, Kanon wondered why the hell did he leave his radio on from midnight until morning, but he was sort of glad to be informed that the Tanabata Festival was going to be held in a few days time. Getting up from his bed, he did his usual morning rituals, brushing his teeth, bathing in his undershorts with cold water (apparently, it was to keep him awake somehow) and taking a glob of hair gel to make those bangs slick and sharp. Right as he opened the door to go out from his room, Lambdadelta pranced around, singing the childhood Tanabata song rather excitedly, until she noticed the ebony-haired servant at the door.

"Eh? Hi, Kanon! Getting ready for work?~" the blonde-haired girl laughed. "Poor thing, you have to wake up so early, but I guess it's not so bad, because I woke up early too! Guess hard workers are born from the habit of waking up early, don't you agree? Hehehehe!~"

Kanon nervously bowed, startled at the presence of one of the hotel guests and the mere fact that she took the time to talk to him. "G-Good morning, Lambdadelta-sama..."

Lambdadelta flashed a catty smile, adjusting her prized checkered newsboy cap. "Kihihihi! Well, good morning to you too! Actually, scratch what you just said; it's a _certainly_ **BEAUTIFUL** morning for me! Wanna know why, Kanon? Wanna know why, wanna know why, wanna know why?~~"

"Um..." Kanon blinked. How the hell can she talk so fast in such a short time? "...Sure, Lambdadelta-sama...?"

"BEEEECAAAAAUSEEE, I'M ACCEPTED AS HACHIJO-SAN'S EDIIIIITORRRR!~" she sang, jumping up and down like a little girl who just gotten her candy. "You see, working for Hachijo-san as her EDITOR requires a lot of qualifications, so I'm really PSYCHED to have this job! IT'S LIKE A DREAM, KANON!"

"L-Lambdadelta-sama, please keep your voice down...The guests and relatives are still sleeping, so..."

"Oh, oh oh, I'm sorry," she abruptly stopped, putting a finger at her lips to signal her self-silence. "So have you thought of a wish for Tanabata?"

Kanon looked pretty surprised at the question, but he tried to regain his composure and still retain his good manners at the same time. "No, I haven't, Lambdadelta-sama. We aren't supposed to be thinking of such things, because we are staff of the Rokkenjima Hotel."

"Whaaaaat?" Lambdadelta whined. "It's just making a Tanabata wish! It's so simple, you can do it with your eyes closed! Well, of course you make wishes with your eyes closed, but..." with this, she leaned forward. "Could it be that you're thinking carefully about your wish? Do you want something magical to happen this Tanabata?~"

He REALLY didn't know what to say, but truthfully, he was very suspicious about this young journalist for quite a long time. Although she was just like everyone else, there was just _something_ about her that somewhat bothers him. In a really picky, edging and 'I-won't-leave-you-alone' type of suspicion. Kanon shifted a bit, pulling down his shirt before looking at the blonde journalist with wavering eyes.

"Ne, Kanon," she started again, leaning forward. "**Do you believe in magic?~**"

Kanon's suspicion started to increase somehow. Mild paranoia started flooding in his head, but the poor teenager tried to suppress it as hard as he could. Wanting some answers from Lambdadelta, he struggled to look at her crimson eyes, which had that somewhat inhuman sharpness and confidence to it. Trying to stay firm and emotionless, he adjusted his eyes right until they made contact with hers, and proceeded to ask the question that has been lingering in his mind ever since she arrived in the hotel.

_**"...Who are you?" **_he asked in a surprisingly commanding voice.

Lambdadelta seemed unfazed at all. Instead, a cheeky grin formed on her petite face, as if she didn't heed Kanon's question at all.

"...Huh?** Me?** Oh, just your average intern reporter!~" Lambdadelta stuck out her tongue childishly. "Don't you have work to do, Kanon? I'm going down for breakfast, so why don't you help Shannon or Kumasawa or something, huh?"

"Oh...yes, I do...Have a good day, Lambdadelta-sama..."

Lambdadelta nodded, patting Kanon's head as she walked past by him, leaving him still rather suspicious and somewhat puzzled, since he didn't get his desired reaction from her. He half expected her to stutter a lot, and he would've caught her true motives, but it seems that she's as she says she is, a mere intern reporter. As Lambdadelta walked on, she grinned to herself as she played with her thumbdrive .

_"Just a mere intern reporter, Kanon. Just a mere, intern, reporter~"_

* * *

Beatrice wasn't in a good mood.

Lying down on her bed and refusing to get up, the college student's bed had books and pens everywhere, with papers and folded pages all over the place. She was still jotting down and researching about the Fukuin mystery, and her brain simply wouldn't function somehow. Beatrice scowled to herself; cursing her mind for not working, and cursing herself for being so emotional regarding this stupid mystery about some guy named Bronove Monocle who looks EXACTLY like Ronove. A vein popped in her head, and out of frustration, she dropped whatever she was doing and went up to Battler's bed, which revealed a sleeping Battler with his drool rolling down his face.

Somehow, he sort of looked hilarious to Beatrice, which slightly lightened up her mood.

With a sly grin on her face, Beatrice proceeded to poke Battler's face repeatedly, prompting the red-headed Ushiromiya to wake up.

"E-Ergh...B-Beatrice...?"

"GOOD MORNING, BATTLER!" Beatrice sang, smiling happily as she pranced around the room, and then proceeded to pull back the curtains, unleashing the cruel morning light of the sun to shine directly into the room. Battler immediately shielded his eyes with his arms, screaming as if the sunlight would kill him or shrivel up his very existence into dust.

"EAAAUGH! CLOSE THE CURTAINS, BEATRICE! CLOSE THEM!"

Beatrice shook her head, clearing up the books and papers on her bed while pouting at the Ushiromiya. "Man, you're no fun, Battler! Anyways, are you up for another game of 'Guess Where Your Pants Went'? I guarantee, IT WILL BE FUUUUUN!"

"WHAT?" Battler panicked, looking in his blanket to see if his pants were still there. "You witch! If my pants aren't here...oh, phew, they're still there."

"Of course they're still there, you incompetent fool. Do you think I have the time to embarrass you when I have work to do?" With this, Beatrice sighed, putting everything in order. "Or maybe I could make some time to do that...don't you think that's a good idea, BAAAATTLEEERR?"

During the past few days, since Bernkastel's family moved out of the hotel, Battler had no choice but to stay in Beatrice's room due to his room being repaired (since the girl's parents practically jumped on his bed, driven nails on the walls and apparently made the ceiling unstable to walk on due to the pressure of jumping on the bed). Ever since he moved in, Beatrice had been playing nonsensical mind games with him, such as making him find his underwear and anything that practically belonged to him (as long as they're personal items) for her own amusement. She would then set 'punishment games' (because Beatrice sort of found that 'Mion' girl from that anime she watched recently rather interesting with her methods of finding amusement in her life, as she called it) by doing all sorts of punishments when he couldn't find his belongings in the provided time limit, such as chaining him up and all sorts of sick pleasures she had in that mind of hers.

With that in mind, Battler cringed at the suggestion, pointing at her rebelliously and announced at the top of his lungs.

"There's no way I'd play those games with you anymore! It's just sick! What am I, your toy or something?"

"Technically, I'd say you are. You're very interesting to play with, you know, Battler! Kihihihihihi!"

The red-head was about to protest some more, but he glanced at Beatrice's 'work', which mainly consisted about the history of the Fukuin University (which were strictly confidential, and Beatrice had to beg Virgilia to give them to her for more 'research'). Picking one of the confidential papers up, he skimmed at it and came across a picture with a man in his early forties, with a rather weird haircut, a nicely shaped moustache and a monocle.

"Wait a minute," Battler squinted. "This guy looks like Ronove!"

"Yeah, he does," Beatrice sighed. "I don't even know if they're related or something." With that, she made a really sour face, took the paper back from Battler and sighed to herself. "Where should I start..."

Battler sort of pitied Beatrice when he looked at her, trying to place himself in her shoes. The girl obviously was stupid in a way, such as provoking Bernkastel's cousin, Erika, which invited such an uncompromising bet of sorts and placed unnecessary stress upon herself. She was obviously trying to solve this herself, doing everything her way so that she wouldn't inconvenience other people, or maybe it's just to protect her own pride. It could be any one of the reasons there, but Battler knew that she needed some help. Fast.

Or she'll be Erika's little bitch in a matter of days, and he'll be Erika's fiance. That stupid SMS from Erika to both Battler and Beatrice's phones saying _'Oh, one more thing. If I win, I'll make little Beatrice my bitch! This level of reasoning is possible for Furudo Erika, riiiiiight? Good night!' _didn't help either.

How the hell did she get their numbers anyways?

Well, come to think about it, it wouldn't be so bad if that happened.

But what if Beatrice somehow comes back, curb stomps Erika, rages upon Battler and screamed at the top of her lungs, "YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL! LEFT ME THERE TO BE HER BITCH?", what would he do?

He obviously couldn't do anything if she somehow stripped him naked for her own sick pleasure, making him walk in all fours in the hotel and killed his family in the shed.

_But she looks so helpless and frustrated here..._

"Why don't you round up a team, _**Beato**_?"

Beatrice stopped gathering her stuff, looked at Battler with a rather shocked expression, and right after that...

She pouted.

Not those 'I'm-annoyed-at-you' pouts, oh no.

It's one of those pouts that makes one take the poor thing home with them.

"..._Beato_? What kind of nickname is that?" she asked incredulously. Batter sighed in a matter-of-factly way, helping Beatrice gather up her stuff and smiled at her as an attempt of cheering her up.

"Well, since your name is so damn long, and since I didn't want to call you '_Beeh-aaah-toooh-reee-chay_' all the time, so I settled for 'Beato'. You fine with it?"

"Beato..." Beatrice repeated. "_Be-ah-to_..." Her efforts on trying to pronounce the simple nickname made her look like a child trying to learn the alphabet.

"Yeah. Beato."

"...Peculiar, but I like it! Kyahahahahaha!"

She laughed aristocratically, being absolutely thrilled at the fact that she has a nickname for herself. Battler laughed as well, as if there was something in Beato's laugh that made him laugh along with her. It was nice to get along with the girl once in a while, to laugh like this and to get along really nicely with each other for quite some time. In fact, he thought the nickname he gave her was pretty cute, but right as he thought of that, Beato reverted to her old self, sneering at the Ushiromiya as if her 'happy time' had expired a second ago.

Way to go back to square one.

"Soo, what do you mean by a team, BAAATTTTLER?"

"We can round up a team to find out about the mystery, I suppose. Erika didn't say that you have to solve it on your own, right?"

"Hmm...You're right about that...But who'll help?"

* * *

Bernkastel simply rolled her eyes, sipping her wine like it was no one's business and simply stared at Battler as if he just asked her to round up ten thousand Lambdas.

"You want me to join you to help solve the mystery in Fukuin University of Performing Arts?"

"Well, um, yeah..." Battler scratched his head rather nervously.

"I wasn't talking to you."

"Huh? O-Oh..."

Beatrice somewhat shuffled her feet, trying to be presentable to the young, yet mentally matured girl. However, Bernkastel raised her hand as if to signal silence and sipped her wine yet again, staring at the two of them with her infamous glare.

"I'll think about it."

* * *

Hachijo Tohya smiled happily when she saw Lambdadelta arrive at her office that morning.

"Oh, wonderful! Now, your first job is to clear up that room over there. It's been so many years since I cleaned up that room, so could you be a dear and clean it up for me? Last year, we had this wonderful year-end party, and we sort of forgot to clean it up! Oh, it was an awesome Friday, aaaaaah..."

Lambdadelta blinked when she was shown the room, which was full of papers everywhere, dust hanging from the ceiling and the door squeaked so loud it was evident that it hasn't been oiled for years. The sofa was dusty, the computer was spoiled and what's worse, a leftover batch of year-old popcorn rested on the dusty table. Confetti were everywhere, old beer bottles were on the floor and the smell of expired beer reached Lambdadelta's were no cleaning appliances, and when Lambdadelta turned to protest, Hachijo was gone. Her phone rang, and when she saw the ID, it was Battler asking the very same question he asked Bernkastel earlier.

_'Hey, Lambdadelta, do you wanna join us to solve the Fukuin University mystery? -Battler.'_

Groaning as she picked up and fingered a piece of the year-old popcorn, she threw her head back and heaved a really long sigh.

"OH. TEE. ELL."

* * *

"Well, Lambdadelta and Bernkastel don't seem to respond well," Beato sighed.

"Oh, relax. We can call Ange, or Jessica, or Lion, or Will, or even Kanon! What do you think?" Battler tried to be optimistic after receiving Lambdadelta's text (which obviously said she had no time). Instead, he had to see Beato sigh, hold her head in her hands in despair and kick a nearby pebble, which flew and broke old man Kawabata's window.

"AAAAAIGH! MY WINDOW!" Kawabata screamed.

"...What do you say, Beato?" Battler asked again.

"Please. NO."

* * *

**A/N:** Another hellish chapter, eh? xDDDDD

To all my loyal reviewers, thank you so much for constantly reviewing! And to those who reviewed my work, thank you very much as well! I know I've been saying this for every single chapter I write, but I'm just grateful for all of them! :DD

*getting hyped up to finish this story*

-Densetsu-no-Maguro.


	17. Eating Tables

_Dlanor A. Knox merely stared at the blue-haired, pigtailed girl before her with no expression at all, as if she was used to seeing girls in school swimsuits asking her to join a detective group of amateur sleuths while holding a pair of chopsticks and a roll of duct tape, which Erika masterfully spun with her forefinger. Apparently, Erika found the little girl at the nearby sundry shop eating a popsicle, and immediately knowing that she's the little sister of the famed prosecutor, Willard H. Wright, Furudo Erika quickly grabbed the opportunity to make her join her team, estimating that Dlanor could be smarter than the average child._

_"So what about it? Join my team and you can reap benefits! With the support of my cousin, the great heiress of the Bernkastel family, we will prevail! And we'll crush that Beatrice into the dust, maybe with her face in the ground as we step on her pretty little head! Isn't that GOOD? AHAHAHAHAHA!"_

_The silver-haired child simply blinked, showing no response. "Miss Erika, why do you despise Miss Beatrice so MUCH?"_

_"E-Eh?" Erika was a bit taken aback. "Well...because she insulted me greatly! She underestimated my EXCELLENT skills as a detective! And I want you to help me extinguish her!"_

_"You do know that is not a valid reason to greatly despise SOMEONE." Dlanor stared, unamused._

_Erika blushed with embarrassment, but tried to cover up her thin excuses. "T...That's not the point! I want you to help me! And you'll get something in return!"_

_"...What will I get in RETURN?"_

_"An exclusive chopstick set with your name engraved on it with GOLD letters!"_

_"I sort of expected that I get to play Witch Hunters while I help YOU."_

_Erika blinked, concluding that Dlanor still has some childish attributes that she couldn't get rid of. "...Yeah, sure, that could do too."_

_All of a sudden, Dlanor snapped her fingers, and as soon as she did that, two helicopters whizzed in the sky, dropping down rope ladders until they touched the ground. Two girls taller than Dlanor climbed down, one with long blonde hair and the other one with brownish, short hair. Arriving by Dlanor's side, they saluted respectfully, even though they were a few years older than her._

_"Eiserne Jungfrau, assembled! The Witch Hunters are united!"_

_"Let it be known that I am Cornelia," the brown haired shrinking violet mustered her voice._

_"And let it be known that I am Gertrude," the blonde haired one shouted._

_"AND WE ARE EISERNE JUNGFRAU! WE WILL PREVAIL!" the two said in unison, bowing before Dlanor as if she was some sort of deity that is worthy to be worshipped. "Gertrude and Cornelia, present!"_

_Dlanor nodded in approval, then smiled a smile that looked like a sideways '3'. _

_"GOOD."_

* * *

Chapter 17

"Gaap."

"Present! Oh hi, Riiche!"

"Yasuda Yoshiya."

"Present, Battler-sama."

"Ushiromiya Maria."

"Uu!~ Present, uu!"

"And we are set!" Battler grinned, with Beato looking at her assembled team of amateur sleuths rather disbelievingly. Blinking her blue eyes in shock, and all she could do was sit there at the lobby and feel her stomach churn with hopelessness. She sort of expected Bernkastel or Lambdadelta to help, but they apparently went M.I.A. on her and left her with this. THIS weird team which consists of her teacher's stalker (and the very personification of annoyance), a bipolar teenage boy and Maria. Well, she didn't have anything against Maria, so it was pretty much okay for her to be in.

"Oh wonderful, Battler. WONDERFUL. Now could you tell me, what can THEY do?" Beato slurred sarcastically, grabbing her long pipe and lit it up, proceeding to smoke it.

Battler walked up confidently, then pulled out a teaching baton out of nowhere and pointed it at the whiteboard, which contained their team members' statistics. He pointed at Gaap's one first, mainly because Gaap took the entire space of the original whiteboard that they had to use another one to fit Kanon and Maria's statistics for later. Gaap then sat down, swinging her legs and grinned to herself as she saw her hard work being explained to stuck-up, cranky ol' Riiche.

"Well, for starters, Gaap has a very good affinity for making traps..."

"Oh god," Kanon muttered to himself, widening his eyes in fear. "Maria-sama, am I a trap? Did Gaap-san make me into a trap?"

"Uu...you're just being paranoid, Kanon-kun..." Maria responded, even though she didn't know the OTHER meaning behind the word.

"Oh...Okay, thank you, Maria-sama."

"And in addition to that, she can be a decoy whenever we need to sneak in confidential areas. Like, notably..." with this, Battler leered at Gaap's massive...bosom rather lecherously, giggling to himself rather disturbingly. "Her large _assets_ can come in handy anywhere, ihihihihihi!"

Gaap snickered to herself, winking at Beato with a sensual air. "You see, Riiche? I'm useful for once!"

"Oh, shut up."

The redhead then proceeded to point at Kanon's statistics. "As for Kanon, he's really good with melee weapons. I mean, if Gaap fails to do her job, Kanon here can beat the poor guy into a bloody pulp! Right, Kanon?"

"W-What? B-Battler-sama, I can't possibly...!"

"And as for Maria-chan here," Battler gently patted Maria's head, "She might be young, but her knowledge exceeds ours when it comes to these mystery stuff! I mean, I know her academic results aren't...um...at the same level with that..."

"UU!" Maria pouted, obviously not happy.

"But she's a valuable asset to the team! Her entire knowledge and keen mind shall lead us to victory!"

Beato merely stared at the statistics, then at the seemingly useless team Battler rounded up for her with a blank expression. "One question. Do we have life insurance?"

Kanon took out their insurance cards, passing it to everyone respectively. "We have auto insurance, home insurance, accident insurance, sickness insurance, unemployment insurance, casualty insurance, and...yes, we do have life insurance, Beatrice-sama."

"...Wow."

Maria frowned, taking everyone's hands and putting them on hers, clamping theirs with her free hand. "We shouldn't be like this, uu! Because we are Beato's team, we have to give our best, uu! We have to give our best and to make Beato win! Uu! UU!"

The little girl tried her best to convince everyone to work together, and it sort of worked as they all broke into grins, confident grins that simply told each other that they were going to solve the mystery, no matter what happens. They will solve it with a smile, and they won't lose to Erika without a proper and proud fight. Battler, Kanon, Gaap, Beato and Maria nodded simultaneously, and then Maria took a deep breath before counting from three to one.

"Okay! When Maria counts from three to one, we must all raise our hands and shout 'Gambatte'! UU! Three...two...one!"

**"GAMBATTE!" **they chorused, with the determination to get this mystery solved. All of a sudden, Kanon belched, ruining the entire upbeat atmosphere.

"...Oops."

* * *

Purgatory Cafe was usually crowded around that hour, but somehow, it was unusually quiet. The entire place was empty, and Ange really couldn't put her finger on it. The staff were all lined up at the entrance, bowing before her as she made her entrance into the classy cafe with no clue about what was going on. At a table, Ange spotted her mother and her aunt Eva chattering away, laughing and full of smiles as they sensed her presence.

"Ah, Ange-chan!" Eva called out to her, beckoning her niece to come over with a smile. "So good of you to make it today!"

Ange merely sat down, nodding her head as she smiled at her favorite aunt and at her mother. "I try my best to come, Eva-obasan. So what's this all about?"

Kyrie took out a folder full of papers inside, opening it as she searched for a certain biodata. The folder was titled 'Bodyguard Applications', to which Ange quickly caught sight of. With a look of horror, Ange tried to to snatch the folder from her mother, but Kyrie let her snatch it, having had the biodata in her hand already. Eva giggled, and then snapped her fingers, causing a young man with white hair, a tourism shirt and short pants to walk into the cafe, making Ange's stomach churn with shock and her jaw drop as low as it possibly could. The man simply grinned, ruffled his hair and pointed at Ange with his thumb.

"Oh heya, Ushiromiya-san!" the man grinned at Eva. "So this is the Lady that I have to protect?"

"Y-You are...!" Ange pointed accusingly at him, but the man merely took her hand and shook it with a smile.

"Well, hello, Lady! My name's Amakusa Juuza, and if the lovely Ushiromiya-san would permit me, I'll be your new bodyguard!"

Eva laughed aristocratically, nudging her sister-in-law with an amused air. Kyrie took the biodata, patted Amakusa at the back and clapped her hands with approval. As for poor Ange, she was left gaping and twitching as she came to the bitter and horrific realization that she had to put up with HIM every single day of her life. Taking a few steps back, Ange made a fighting stance and gritted her teeth begrudgingly.

"I won't have you as my bodyguard! If you insist, mother, I'll get onii-chan right here!" Ange cried out. Kyrie sighed, went up to her daughter and patted her shoulder.

"Darling, THAT'S why we need to get you a bodyguard. You're too dependent on Battler! I mean, you can't cling onto your elder brother forever, Ange-chan."

"But I'm not too dependent on him, mother!"

"Is that so?" Kyrie smiled, remembering all those times when Ange, despite her age, clung onto her brother like a little grappling hook, never letting go even though the times didn't call for it. There were those times where Ange wanted to take a bath with her brother when she was 14, where Ange kept waiting for her brother to come back home until it was 3 in the morning and there was also the time where Battler had to shoo a whining Ange out of his room because he really needed some sleep.

"Yes!"

"Well, sorry dear, but you're having Amakusa anyways!" Kyrie gaily laughed, shooing Amakusa and Ange out of the cafe and waved at them. "Remember to protect my little girl, Amakusa! Or..." with this, she gave a very inhuman glare that made Amakusa's hair stand on end. "There will be more than your deducted pay check..."

"...G-Got it, Ushiromiya-san!" Amakusa said with a grin, but his voice faltered a bit just looking at Kyrie. Smiling at Ange next, he extended his hand for her to shake, but she merely glared at him, as if he was repulsive to look at.

It wasn't gonna be easy to be Ushiromiya Ange's bodyguard, that's for sure.

* * *

First thing's first, information.

"Alright, Kanon, you can do this," Gaap nudged. "It's just a girl."

"But I'm allergic to girls who aren't affiliated with the hotel, Gaap-san! And I've sworn to be with Jessica-sama!"

"Kanon, she's just a librarian! Just relax, take a deep breath...okay, not so deep. And breathe out."

"Gaap-san, I tell you, I can't do it! How the hell am I supposed to ask her for a book regarding Fukuin's founder?" Kanon freaked out, chomping on a chair as he fumbled in his brain about what he should do, or not do, or wasn't supposed to do, or what he was supposed to do, or what he was...

"You can do it, Kanon! We believe in you. WEEE. BEEEELLLIIIEEEEVE. EEEEN. YOOOOOH."

"U-Um...alright...I-I'll...try..."

Walking hesitantly towards the librarian, Kanon gulped, moved forward until he reached the counter. The librarian seemed to be busy and didn't notice the ebony-haired boy, but Kanon simply stood there, not knowing what to say. Taking a library card and slid it repeatedly on the counter, Kanon fervently waited for a reaction from the librarian as he kept on doing the same action for a minute.

_Shsht._ **Shsht**. **_Shsht shsht shsht._**

The librarian sighed, then looked at Kanon with a rather annoyed look. "Yes, can I help you?"

Kanon could only whimper at her annoyed tone, and struggled to speak in his condition of utter fear and nervousness. His lip quivered, his entire body shook and what's worse, he looked as if he would cry at any second now. The entire team braced for the worst, and Beato wanted to just drag him out of there to spare him the humiliating embarrassment, but she forced herself to hold back. The librarian's expression abruptly softened as she saw a literal _moe_ blob right before her eyes, quivering and shaking like a little lost kid who's looking for his parents.

"C-Can I borrow a book about Bronove Monocle..?" Kanon asked.

"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, but that's classified information."

"It's just for a second..."

"Again, sorry. We're not authorized to give information regarding the Fukuin founder."

"Pleaaaaasee?"

"NO."

And then, Kanon hiccuped, sniffled...

And bit off a piece of a table.

It was terribly illogical, but Kanon had this weird, inhuman strength he was born with ever since he was young.

"If you don't give me a book about Bronove Monocle, I'll eat your furniture." the hotel servant pointed out, causing the librarian to rush to his side and try to get him off the table as hard as she could. Everyone wore shocked and disbelieving expressions, but they simply wanted to see what else Kanon would do. The librarian wore an expression of utter shock and horror, which she quickly turned it into anger.

"Hey kid! Get off the furniture!" the librarian exclaimed, pulling Kanon from the table as he bit hard on it, the wood peeling off due to his teeth grating it.

"GIVE ME THE BOOK OR THE FURNITURE GETS IT!" Kanon growled, then paused for a while. "ALTHOUGH THAT SOUNDED IRONIC WHICH I DON'T KNOW WHY, YEAH!"

"I'll call security! SECURITY!"

"DON'T BOTHER!** I'LL EAT YOUR SECURITY!**"

With this, the librarian widened her eyes as she saw Kanon's crazed expression, and then stopped pulling him from the wooden table, concluding that this boy is seriously a nutcase. Sighing to herself, she looked at Kanon with a desperate look.

"...If I get you the books, will you stop disrupting the peace in the library and quit eating the furniture?"

"Give me the books first," Kanon glared, chomping pieces of scrap paper.

"...Wait right here," the librarian blinked and left.

Battler grinned from the sidelines, checking off the first initiative from his notebook, to which he showed it to Beato. "Information, check."

* * *

"When will this mess end?"

Lambdadelta was at her wits end when she opened a drawer full of dusty party items, contaminating the recently mopped floor of the room. Her entire body was covered in sweat, her clothes had grime all over and her hair was full of dust. When she thought that she cleaned up everything already, she was horribly, HORRIBLY wrong. Just then, Hachijo entered the room, looking at the dusty drawer with surprise.

To Lambdadelta, it was more of _mock_ surprise, because **she made it in the first place!**

"Oh...I didn't know that part was dusty too...Well, good luck with it! I see that you're doing a fine job!" Hachijo smiled, then left as soon as she came.

The reporter simply wanted to throw her mop on the floor and whine, scream, or do ANYTHING to get away from cleaning this hellish room.

* * *

The _Eiserne Jungfrau_ (or as they call themselves) set up their base on top of some sort of weird tree right behind the Bernkastel Winery.

Cornelia and Gertrude studied the blueprints regarding each nook and cranny of the Fukuin University, taking out their high-tech equipment and everything that was a bit too advanced for a mere sleuth case. Dlanor helped Erika up to the treehouse with much difficulty, since she was quite heavy for Dlanor to pull up. Erika gaped as she saw everything being assembled in a mere treehouse; CCTVs, weapons, databases and of course, chopsticks and a kitchen. To the Furudo girl, it was more than enough, and it was the ideal base to record every single thing that would happen in the university.

Dlanor cleared her throat. "We have assembled all of this to catch evidence of a spiritual entity known as Code 145: Bronove Monocle, which is the 145th code in our FILES. Please make yourself at home, Lady ERIKA."

"Y-You did all of this...for me...?" Erika gasped.

"Let it be known that we have done all of this for the sake of Lady Furudo Erika, and for the sake of the Eiserne Jungfrau," Gertrude smiled. "If you're hungry, Lady Erika, you may get some food from the kitchen."

"I-I'm sorry, but there's no time for eating just yet, Gertrude!" Cornelia exclaimed. "It seems that we have caught some wind regarding the information source about Code 145! Hacking in the Fukuin database!"

"I-Is that even legal?" Erika shockingly asked, but Dlanor nodded her head, taking Erika's hands in hers and looked in her blue eyes with much determination.

"When it comes to the Eiserne Jungfrau, everything is LEGAL."

With that statement, Erika's expression slowly contorted and twisted into a smirk, and then she burst into insane laughter as she felt the entire world being in her hands. She has the best team, the best equipment, the best minds and of course, total diplomatic immunity! Reveling in her gold mine and her luck, Erika threw her head back and laughed evilly, looking at the download tube that said '100%' in front of the monitor screen. Prancing around, Erika stopped laughing, and then gleefully screamed.

"AHAHAHAHA! WE'RE INVINCIBLE, DLANOR! **WE'RE INVINCIBLE!**"

"...Will you be quiet, Erika? I'm trying to read down here." Bernkastel deadpanned from below the treehouse, jerking Erika off her joyful reverie.

* * *

A/N: WOAH. I really should stop making Kanon eat inedible stuff...

**SPECIAL: **For the upcoming special chapter, you can ask the Rokkenjima Hotel characters to answer any question you wanna ask them! Take your pick, even though they weren't mentioned in this fic yet, and you can ask, ask and ask! Maximum questions in that chapter will be 10, so the first 10 questions will be picked and published in the next chapter! WHEEEEE!

**[I don't own any of the Umineko characters. This is a purely fanmade story. Anything here is purely fanmade. Kanon does NOT eat tables.]**

-Densetsu-no-Maguro.


	18. Special: Questions!

**_Special: Ask the inhabitants of Nijima Island! _**

Chapter 18

_'Come down to the hotel's cafe now~'_ Lambdadelta texted and forwarded, still trying to get used to her new touch screen phone.

It was tea time, 3 pm in the afternoon, to be exact. Black tea and chocolate cake represented the ultimate indulgence for the afternoon, encouraging Lambdadelta to indulge even further in such delicious sin. Leaning comfortably on a sofa in the cafe, the cheeky reporter put her phone on the table, sipped her cappuccino and browsed through the envelopes which she recently got from the mail. There were one, two, three...oh, there were six envelopes, two mailed to 'Kanon', two mailed to 'Ushiromiya Battler',one mailed to 'Ushiromiya Ange' and one mailed to 'The Rokkenjima Sleuth Team'. The blonde wonder blinked; surely this wasn't it! Surely there were more, right?

Right..?

Isn't there an envelope with the name '_Takano Lambdadelta_' on it?

"T-There's gotta be my name on one of these letters, right..?" Lambdadelta frantically fumbled with them, her eyes moving to and fro as the letters jumbled up in her hands. "I mean...isn't there another letter for me? NOOO! MID LIFE CRISIS! Aww man...this isn't fair! Really not fair! I want a letter too!~ Why don't **I** get one? Muuuuuh!~" she whined.

She proceeded to whine some more until she saw three figures coming right towards the cafe, to which Lambdadelta immediately stopped and stood up, waving at the three of them ecstatically. "HEY! OVER HEEERE! GET YOUR MAIL FROM MISS SUPER PAPER RIGHT OVER HEEERE!~"

Battler laughed, taking a seat right in front of the bubbly 15 year old. "Still as feisty as ever, huh, Lambdadelta? What's going on now? For you to be so hyped up like this, it must be big, ihihihi!"

"Well, it IS big! I got your mail for you guys!~"

"I don't see that as a big thing, Miyo-san," Ange deadpanned, looking at the envelopes on the table. Lambdadelta stuck out her tongue childishly, then took a forkful of chocolate cake and shoved it in Ange's mouth, shocking the Ushiromiya girl greatly.

"Oh just shut up. And now look what you did! By saying something, you made me wanna eat a burger!" With that, Lambdadelta shoved the plate of chocolate cake towards Ange with a heavy sigh. "Here. Go take the cake. I lost my appetite, muuuh. T-Take it before I change my mind...!"

And cue the fake tears.

"What the..." Ange looked at it, not knowing what to do at the moment.

"ANYWAYS!" the reporter jumped, shocking the three of them greatly. "You three are the lucky people to get...MAIL! From people you don't know."

"People...we don't know, Lambdadelta-sama?" Kanon tilted his head, taking his letter and read the 'Kanon' on it. The address of the hotel wasn't there, it was just his name on the envelope. JUST. HIS. NAME.

"Well, duh. I don't know them either," she indifferently spoke. "Just open the envelopes and read what's inside. AND TELL ME LATER, OKAY? PRETTY PLEASE? I'M SO DESPERATE BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ONE MAILED TO ME, SO...please...?~"

Just his name.

"Of course we'll tell you! Unless it's something...you're not supposed to know. You're still a young kid, and it'll take you three more years to understand!" Battler laughed.

**JUST HIS NAME.**

"I must say," Ange smiled. "It's been a while since I had mail."

**_JUST. HIS. NAME._**

"S-S-Someone's...Someone's stalking me, right?" Kanon shuddered. Ange looked at Kanon, and then her letter (which, of course, only said 'Ushiromiya Ange'), and freaked out as well.

"It's just...my name on the envelope...O-Onii-chan...No address, nothing. Just. My. Name."

"...How do they know our full names?" Battler blinked, looking at his. "Oh well, let's open them!"

"ONII-CHAN!"

With this, Ange took him by the collar, strangling Battler in the process. "Can't you see? Who the hell knows our full names and where we live? Aren't you at least WORRIED about that? What if something happens to us?"

"Oh come on, relax, Ange! It's not like they're gonna ask us questions through these letters or anything, right?"

* * *

"...They just did, onii-chan."

Ange opened hers begrudgingly, taking some time to drink some tea before she read the contents. After skimming it through, she sort of choked on her tea, prompting the three people to look at her, to which Ange looked at them with an indifferent look.

"You okay, Ange-sama?" Kanon asked with concern. Ange nodded, then got up while taking the letter with her.

"I'm fine. I just need to...read this alone."

* * *

**_'Why do you love your brother so much? Me and my brother are always at each others throats and I'm slightly jealous of your relationship.'_**

_To the person who asked me this question,_

_Good day. As you know, my name is Ushiromiya Ange. Although I do not know how you've come to know my name, I hope that you will be satisfied with this answer._

_Regarding my relationship with my onii-chan, I...have various reasons why I love him very much. My onii-chan is the best onii-chan in the entire world, no, in the entire universe. You can't even imagine how amazing how my onii-chan is, especially when he looks out for you every single time of your life. Imagine; the second after you're born, who takes you up and squeals at the fact that he has a baby sister? In my case, it's my onii-chan. Secondly, I can rely on my onii-chan with anything, anytime. It's like, when mom and dad aren't around, it's onii-chan who solves all my problems (even if it's regarding that time where I accidentally burned the kitchen; don't tell mom that though), listens to me, plays with me and tolerates me even though I know I'm being...quite stupid. When the girls in St. Lucia bullied me to no end, it was onii-chan who defended me and told mom to teach me martial arts, and as soon as he did, Krauss-ojisan and Eva-obasan joined in as well to teach me (which led to quite a dispute). But it was fun nonetheless. And it made me realize that onii-chan wanted me to be independent, to be a capable young woman on my own. He taught me to differentiate between right and wrong, and even though he teases me during some occasions, I really don't mind. Because I feel at peace with my onii-chan._

_Onii-chan performs his duty as a responsible elder brother, and unlike most brothers, he treats me really well. He always looks out for me, and I remember there was one time where I asked him 'Onii-chan, what would you do if I had a boyfriend?' Guess what he said! 'Well, Ange-chan, if you have a boyfriend, take him to me first. Let your onii-chan evaluate the man, and see if he's worth my little sister's time! Ihihihi!' Onii-chan's still being the responsible big brother he is, and when I spend time with him, I feel a really strong family love. It's even better if mom and dad spends time with the two of us, and it feels really good. After all, family's the best thing a person could have._

_I have to admit, writing this answer had made me realize that onii-chan is a very important person in my life. No, I knew this a long time ago really, but it's the first time I've ever thought about it thoroughly._

_The main reason why I love my onii-chan very much is because...He made me into what I am today. That is all._

_...But I still don't like the idea of that Beatrice woman hanging around him way too much._

_Warm regards,_

_Ushiromiya Ange._

* * *

"The next letter is for Kanon! Go on, read it!~"

Lambdadelta thrust out the letter for Kanon to read, to which he accepted it and opened the envelope. Skimming through the contents, he made quite a surprised face, got up and bowed to Battler, Ange and Lambdadelta, clearing his throat.

"Excuse me, but I feel the need to answer this privately."

* * *

**'How did that bizarre habit of yours start? Does furniture taste good, Kannonnnn? Isn't your sister worried about you?'**

_To the esteemed person who asked this question,_

_It is a puzzling matter on how you know my name, but I am truly honored that I am known. It makes me very happy. _

_Your question (...or should I say questions?) are very...intriguing. I truly hope that you aren't thinking of me as a person who **actually** eats furniture (and to answer your second question, they taste disgusting! I never thought wooden tables actually tasted like wood!), because I don't do it most of the time...In fact, since you asked regarding how that started, it's a very long story. But I guess that Battler-sama, Ange-sama and Lambdadelta-sama (don't tell her, but I feel sort of suspicious about Lambdadelta-sama somehow...) would let me have a few minutes on my own. Nee-san is worried about me sometimes, but she knows that I only chew on inedible things during desperate measures._

_It started back from the roots of my childhood, when I was first hired as a staff member of the Rokkenjima Hotel along with my older sister, Shannon. We were acquainted with Beatrice-sama when she was little as well, but she was at least two years older than us. Initially, when we first got our jobs, the only staff member who made friends with us was Gaap-san, who was around Beatrice-sama's age at the time. We learned how to serve the Ushiromiya family by being under the tutelage of Kumasawa-san, Genji-san and Nanjo-san, and for some reason, Gaap-san would always play inane pranks right behind their backs. I really don't see what's so fun about that though..._

_Until one day, one particular prank went too far._

_We told her not to do it, really. WE TOLD GAAP-SAN NOT TO DO IT. But she didn't listen, instead she proceeded with the plan to scribble Kumasawa-san's notepad full of mackerel recipes with permanent marker. The plan was to take it from Kumasawa-san's drawer and scribble it in the kitchen at 12 a.m. for 'more suspense', as Gaap-san said. And she reeled Nee-san and I in. So, Gaap-san scribbled on it with all her might with 'Stuck-up Riiche' and 'I'm hungry...' and other things that we didn't get to see because we were too busy guarding the kitchen. Right after that, Gaap-san gave ME the notepad for me to keep, and she dared me to bring it the very next day when the staff are reporting for work in the kitchen itself. Or she'll give me a swirly or something._

_I don't like swirlies._

_So we reported to work that morning, and Kumasawa-san became hysteric because her notepad was gone. And it so happened that I was holding the notepad, which made things worse. Genji-san decided to do a spot-check on the staff because he said something about 'smelling something fishy going on', so Gaap-san was very worried. When they inspected Gaap-san, she came off clean, and when it came to Nee-chan, she was clean as well. I could remember Genji-san inspecting the staff one by one, and after a few staff members, it would be my turn to be inspected, which worried Gaap-san to a very large extent. Then, she started to point directly at her mouth as she opened it, to which I really didn't understand._

_And as soon as I found out, I dreaded my action._

_I 'ate the evidence' with one bite._

_Thank goodness the notepad was small, and that Genji-san wasn't looking. It was small enough not to look so obvious in my mouth._

_The aftermath was alright, I guess. Nee-san and I bought her a new one and I spat the abomination out. Tasted a lot like paper though, and a bit of permanent marker. I had to wash my mouth several times at that, because that combination of taste was just ghastly. But I learned a really wrong lesson from there which slowly turned into a dreadful habit; eat the evidence when the time calls for it. Or eat inedible objects to cover tight situations..? I sort of forgot._

_I hope this letter has answered your questions so far. Have a good day, and thank you for taking the time to ask me questions through this letter._

_Serving the Rokkenjima Hotel, _

_Kanon._

* * *

"Another letter, Kanon!" Battler thrust another envelope at Kanon's face as soon as he got out.

"R-Right...Battler-sama..."

* * *

**'You know how lucky you are, right? Being on Erika's team would have been a nightmare.'**

_To the esteemed person who wrote this question,_

_My name is Kanon, valet and a staff member of the Rokkenjima Hotel. Thank you for telling me the fact that I am lucky to be in the Rokkenjima Sleuth Team, because I truly feel honored to serve Battler-sama and Beatrice-sama in their mission to solve the Fukuin University case. Regarding...that statement...__Do...Do you seem to know about the enemy team? Are they planning some sort of heinous plot or dirty tricks to solve it earlier than our team? Or does Erika-sama mistreat her comrades? I...I'm at a loss for words! Thank you so much for telling me an assumption that might be true, and for now, to keep it confidential, I must stop here._

___Serving the Rokkenjima Hotel,_

___Kanon._

* * *

"The next letter's for Onii-chan..." Ange smiled, giving it to her elder brother as she took a bite off the chocolate cake Lambdadelta gave her earlier. Battler grinned, took the letter, read it through...

And choked on his tea.

"Uh...I'll be riiiight back," he nervously laughed, and then locked himself in Beatrice's room for a while to answer the question.

* * *

**'Is Beato still hiding your clothes for fun?'**

_To whoever asked this question. You left that huge, empty mass of A4 paper just for me to answer, didn't you?_

_Uhm, yeah...Regarding that question...yes. She still hides my clothes for fun, from my coats to my underwear. I really don't know what's up with that girl, really. She's gotta be one of the weirdest ones I've ever met! The last time I found one of my underwear was in her hands when she was sleeping, and when I realized that...she stole it when I was asleep (and still kept my pants intact), I have come to a conclusion that Beato's a very, VERY sneaky one..._

_Don't tell Beato I told you though!_

_Thanks for writing, ihihihi~_

_Ushiromiya Battler._

* * *

"And another one."

"What? Seriously? Ihihihi, that means I'm getting popular, right Ange?"

"Yes, onii-chan."

* * *

**'How do you feel about Beato?'**

_To whoever asked this nonsensical question,_

_"How do I feel about Beato," you ask?_

_Simple. I feel really, REALLY annoyed when I'm around her. __Beato's just so darn annoying, loud, graceless, arrogant, psychotic, sadistic...and insert more insults here if you please. What type of girl insults you right after you help her up when she falls and even after you apologize? Sure, she's all that (being Virgilia-san's protege in that hugeass university), but seriously! How would a normal person feel when there's this cow-tittted girl who steals your clothes, insults your hair, bangs at the shower door as soon as you go in, pokes fun at you first thing in the morning and chants "Hey, Battler! Hey, Battler! Hey, Battler!" like a mantra or something? ANNOYED, THAT'S WHAT! The worst part is; I have to stay in her room for the time being because my room's currently under construction! _

_It's like Beato's some sort of witch sent to torment me or something! What did I ever do to deserve this?_

_But she's quite a busty one, ihihihihi~_

_Anyways! I don't care how busty or pretty she is, because one day, I'll get back at her! _

_Even though Beato's...caring at times, I still won't fall for her tricks! She's always planning something really sneaky, and once she executes it, it's like she makes sure that you'd be reeled right in! And when you ARE reeled in, Beato will start cackling, laughing, mocking your mediocrity and stupidity and whatever insults she can volley at you! But there are times when she acts like a cute tsundere when you know how to poke fun at her for a change. And there are times when she's in obvious denial at certain things, but that usually earns me a thwack on the head or two. There's a lot of Beato that I really don't understand, but there's one thing I can tell you, she has a good heart. And huge tits. So as a conclusion, I'm trying to get to know her more, to find out what she really is. You can ignore the part where I said I felt really annoyed when I'm around her, sorry about that. I guess I was thinking deeply about how I do feel about that cackling roommate of mine as I wrote this. _

_Now if only she'd stop stealing my undershorts..._

_Thanks for asking, ihihihi~_

_Ushiromiya Battler._

_P.S. If you were expecting a straight answer, I'm sorry, because I really can't give you one yet! I'm really confused about it myself, ihihihi._

* * *

As soon as Battler exited his room with the letters, he suddenly found Maria eating Lambdadelta's cake happily at the table where they sat and Beato sipping some black tea, reclining on the cafe chair. Gaap was filing her nails, blowing off the excess skin she already filed.

"Eh, Maria! Beato! Gaap! What are you doing here?"

"Uu! Lambda-chan told us to come, uu!"

Lambdadelta flippantly slammed one more letter on the table, beckoning all the members of the Rokkenjima Sleuth Team to look at the letter. Battler, Beato, Ange, Maria and Kanon huddled up to stare at the last envelope that came into the mail, to which it said 'The Rokkenjima Sleuth Team', to which Battler had the honor of opening the envelope and read the contents of the letter. Blinking, he showed it to Beato, who practically squealed at the question.

"'If you had to go out with someone from the Higurashi cast who would it be? (and would Kanon eat them or something?)' Someone asked us something related to Higurashi! Maria, come see! It's Higurashi!"

"Higurashi?" Maria jumped up and down. "Uu! Higurashi! UU!"

"Hang on a sec," Battler squinted. "You mean..._that_ **_Higurashi_**?"

* * *

"Welcome to 'Breakfast with Higurashi!' Today, on Higurashi FM, I, Sonozaki Mion..."

"And I, Maebara Keiichi..."

"OMOCHIKAERI! Ryuuguu Rena..."

"Along with me, ohohoho! Hojo Satoko..."

"Furude Rika, nipaaa~"

"H-Hauu...Furude Hanyuu..."

"Heya, onee! Sonozaki Shion..."

"And Hojo Satoshi..."

"Hey! Since when was Satoshi allowed in 'Breakfast with Higurashi?'"

"Nipaaa...Not allowed in here, nipaaa. Only allowed in 'Afternoon Lunch Break with Shii and Sato'..."

"But, Keiichi-san...!"

"Oh, get outta here, Satoshi."

"Fine..."

"Now where were we? Ah yes. Today on Higurashi FM, we'll be broadcasting from Hinamizawa about 'Summer Hot Spots!' Stay tuned!"

* * *

"Yes, Battler. **THAT** Higurashi."

Maria took out a pen, then looked at the letter with a childish grin. "Let's answer this one! Uu!"

* * *

**'If you had to go out with someone from the Higurashi cast who would it be? (and would Kanon eat them or something?)'**

_Heya! This is Ushiromiya Battler!_

_Who would I date? Um...generally, I'd pick either Shion or Mion! They're the same anyways!_

_Thanks for asking!_

_Ushiromiya Battler._

* * *

_This is Beatrice speaking._

_I...don't know. I guess none? Satoshi's too much of a softie for me and Keiichi's too high-strung on Mion. _

_Yours truly, _

_Beatrice._

* * *

_THIS IS GAAP!_

_What do you mean 'someone'? I'D TOTALLY DATE KEIICHI, SATOSHI, IRIE, AKASAKA...Ohhh, can I just date the entire Yamainu? They're so hot and funny! But of course, they'll have to match up to my standards...if you know what I mean!_

_xoxo,_

_Gaap._

* * *

_Uu! Maria here!_

_I'm too young to go out, uu..._

_Uu! UU!_

_Ushiromiya Maria._

* * *

_Good day,_

_I'm very sorry to disappoint you, but my heart only belongs to Jessica-sama. I can never dream of going out with the Higurashi FM cast. And of course I won't eat them. I don't eat people, nor do I eat other things. I merely chew on objects when it comes to desperate measures._

_Serving the Rokkenjima Hotel,_

_Kanon._

* * *

"They didn't send me any letters, Bern! How can this be? I'm spunky, cute, hell, I'M SUPER PAPER!"

Back in the Bernkastel Winery, the blonde haired reporter wailed out her troubles to her friend, who merely rolled her eyes as she drank her tea. Completely ignoring Lambdadelta's wails, Bernkastel merely looked at the bunch of letters which were already answered by those who were concerned. Looking at the childish reporting prodigy, the heiress of the Bernkastel Company finally came to a conclusion that hopefully, would shut her up.

"I guess it's because you aren't popular enough, huh, Lambda?"

"WHAT? NO WAY!"

* * *

**A/N: I tried...Oh god, I tried...Haha, thanks for all the questions anyways! It's to commemorate the fic having reached 50 reviews! Thank you all for your support!**

**FYI: This special isn't related to the current plot in any way of Rokkenjima Hotel, xDDDD. Sorry if they're a bit OOC, xDDD.**

**-Densetsu-no-Maguro.**

**(PURELY FANMADE. I DON'T OWN UMINEKO NOR ITS CHARACTERS. I don't own Higurashi either.)**


	19. Fred

**_Information Results: The Case of Bronove Monocle._**

_'Bronove Monocle XV was born on the year XXXX to Duke Bronove Monocle XIV and Duchess Focaccina* Monocle at 12 a.m., 1st of April. Sir Monocle XV was mostly well known for being the founder and the first chairman of the Fukuin University of Performing Arts, although he didn't have sufficient funds to build anything; much less a university due to spending his own personal fortune on new, shiny monocles. It has also been noted that in order to receive the funds to pay for the foundation and down payment to build the prestigious university, he had to serve his mother **cookies **__and **muffins**_ for the entire day during his birthday, which greatly infuriated his mother until she went horribly mad, prompting her to be unfit to own the riches of the Monocle family (which was passed on to Bronove). He then married a soprano singer from the land of the rising sun, and slowly started to question his masculinity because his voice cracked drastically, making him one of the most famous sopranos of all time. It made his wife...quite cross, for once she knew her husband had upstaged her, she demanded for a child to discontinue his career. Since then, he had always spoken about going to the Sun, as a result of his insanity from bearing with his wife.'

"Wow," Gaap blinked, trying to register what she had recently read into her brain. "This guy's...sad, Riiche. Very sad."

* * *

Chapter 19

It was the next day, and Bernkastel really didn't know what to do.

Waking up beside a really tired reporter was fine for her (since she somewhat liked Lambdadelta sleeping on her bed to keep her company), but realizing that her cousin and those three kids (well, the other two weren't kids at all) took up the entire winery as their 'base' for a duration of time wasn't her cup of tea. It was 7 in the morning, and Bernkastel found herself tapping her slipper-clad foot on the wooden floor downstairs at the sight of Erika wrapping duct tape all over a mess of things that she compiled from some unorthodox place Bernkastel really didn't want to know. There was also Dlanor messing with remotes, Gertrude tapping in some sort of GPS device and Cornelia messing up random wires. The winery owner walked up to her ecstatic cousin, who immediately turned to see Bernkastel and proceeded to jump up with joy and abandon the duct tape she had loved so much.

"C-Cousin! Good morning! How was your sleep?" Erika excitedly jumped, only to be silenced by Bernkastel's hand being slapped onto her blabbering mouth.

"Keep it down," Bernkastel hissed. "Lambda's upstairs sleeping, and she's tired. Scream like that one more time and I will rip your clicking tongue off so that you won't be able to talk anymore. And since your tongue will be ripped off if you don't listen to me, I'll attach a tube right into your throat so that you'll eat tube food for the rest of your life. Do you understand? The least you can do while staying here in the winery is shut up, so why can't you do that, you useless girl?"

"A-Ah...I'm sorry, cousin...!"

Bernkastel merely glared at Erika, who was gathering her new invention (which consisted of random household items such as a blender, a camera, a mirror, speakers, a microphone and a necktie all plastered together with pieces of duct tape). It was a wonder that they were even related, since they are such polar opposites. Furudo Erika is two years older than her cousin, but she worships her younger cousin like she's some sort of benevolent goddess. Maybe the reason Erika's so high-strung and hyper is because she's inherited Bernkastel's aunt's genetics. Franziska Bernkastel and her sister were so much alike, it was no wonder if Furudo Sachiko's hyperactive nature rubbed off her daughter, Erika. Or maybe it was because her boyfriend dumped her a year ago (who said she was too peculiar, weird, hysteric, jealous, annoying, 'much like his mother', not a good cook, lactose intolerant, lacks empathy, never listens, so on, so on.)

_Furudo-obasan had always been a nutjob, _Bernkastel thought to herself. _Poor Erika._

"What are you building anyways? Some useless contraption you're going to use and when you find out it doesn't work, it goes straight to the trash again?"

Erika shook her head, but instead, she smiled triumphantly and used her 'device' to look at a certain place from the window. "This one's different, cousin! It'll help me spy on the opposing team and other things I'm not supposed to snoop in! Like, if they have information that we don't have, I can just peer from this thing and I'll understand their motives! Look! See, there's also a speaker and a long-distance microphone, so yeah!"

"And there is also a GPS which will be installed right over there IMMEDIATELY," Dlanor added.

"Ah. Good to know."

"Good to know that I'm doing a GREAT job, right, cousin?"

"Good to know that you're going to embarrass me again by being such a moron," Bernkastel countered stoically.

"I won't disappoint you this time, cousin! Because that murder doll and her friends are going to back me up! You'll just see! It'll be very GOOD!" And with that, Erika left the winery laughing hysterically like some sort of mad hyena while skipping up and down like some sort of lunatic who was recently freed from an asylum. The Eiserne Jungfrau followed suit quietly, and then closed the door behind them.

Sigh.

Finally, peace and quiet. Perfect for a nice morning like this. Bernkastel can open the shop as per the usual hours, Lambdadelta can sleep since it's her day off and...

"Hello? HELLO? Man, this shop doesn't even look open. Are you sure we're in the right place, Lady?"

_Rats._

* * *

"Let me rephrase that again...Why did you come to see me, Gaap?" Virgilia tapped her foot in disdain.

The infamous Love~Coffee apparently opened its new branch in Nijima, to which Gaap immediately took advantage of it by deciding to do her part for the investigation, which involved squeezing information from 'old lady Lia'. Wanting to look her very best, Gaap arrived with extra volume in her curls, a threateningly revealing tank-top and a really, REALLY illegal miniskirt that barely even covered half of her thighs. On the other hand, Virgilia was wearing the usual; a nice, simple white dress. The professor looked less than pleased to see the other woman, but since she is a fine, polite and demure lady, she had no choice but to follow her virtues and wait for Gaap's arrival for half an hour from the appointed time.

"Well, Liaaaaaa...~" Gaap's trill-like voice came. "I need to ask you for a fantabulous favor, and only YOU can help this beautiful, fashionable and helpless soul!"

"K-Keep it down, Gaap! We're in public..."

"Oh come on, Lia, it's not like there's anyone who can hear us talk! I mean, this is the grand opening!"

By 'it's not like there's anyone who can hear us talk', it meant that the entire cafe was full of noisy people squealing over quality coffee.

Virgilia sighed, obviously defeated when it came to Gaap's witty comebacks. "Alright then, Gaap. How can I help you?"

"Ohohohoho, I knew you'd help!" Gaap laughed gleefully. "Anyways, I need to have voice samples about that...um...sad guy."

"...Sad guy? What do you mean?"

"I think his name was..." with this, Gaap sipped her coffee and 'aah'ed, "Monocle? I think so...But I know that his first name sounds a lot like Ronove, so...yeah!"

"...Excuse me?"

With that single question, Virgilia's eyes snapped open.

**_SNAPPED._**

**OPEN.**

And as much as Gaap was so curious in seeing them before (until the extent of trying to open Virgilia's eyelids when she was younger), the fashionista dreaded what she just saw.

No, scratch that. IT WAS THE MOST MONSTROUS THING SHE HAD EVER SEEN.

"L-L-Lia...?" she trembled. "D-Did I hit a nerve, Lia...? Oh come on, I was just asking for voice samples..."

"I get it now," Virgilia closed them again, but she had a very angered demeanor. "Beato told you to search for me, didn't she? And she wanted you to get at least a bit of information about the illustrious Bronove Monocle, is that it?" With that, Virgilia giggled darkly to herself, and then smiled yet again. "I see how it is, but I won't give the voice samples to you, Gaap. I'm very sorry."

Ah. _It came to this then_, Gaap thought. _Never mind, there's always the other alternative...kihihihihi._

Grinning, Gaap proceeded to use her final trump card, since Virgilia didn't settle for the polite approach. Sliding her hand right below the table, Gaap naughtily brushed her hand at Virgilia's leg, emphasizing the sensuality of her fingers on Virgilia's sensitive skin. Looking up for a reaction, Gaap studied Virgilia's face carefully, and seeing that Virgilia looked rather shocked at the action, Gaap knew that she was getting there.

"Oh come on Liaaaa, don't be like that..."

* * *

The usual tea, wine and confectioneries were laid out in the private parlour of the winery just for Ange, Amakusa and Bernkastel herself.

Wanting to get it over with, Bernkastel merely stared at Ange for a good three minutes, to which the Ushiromiya girl felt rather...intimidated. Clearing her throat, Ange proceeded to introduce Amakusa to the first person she's thought of to introduce him to, and tried to look civil in front of the daughter of the Bernkastel Company CEO.

"Well...Bernkastel-san, this man here is my new bodyguard, Amakusa Juuza. Amakusa, that is Frederica Bernkastel-san, the daughter of the conglomerate of the Bernkastel Company." And with that, Ange elbowed him slightly before whispering, "BEHAVE."

"Ah. Hello, Amakusa. I'm Frederica Bernkastel. Please be civil, since I don't know you very well," the blue-haired girl snappily yet calmly said, sipping her tea faster than usual. In reality, she was just itching to get to the kitchen and make breakfast, but apparently Ange and her bodyguard was holding her back.

Amakusa, however, didn't plan to make things easier. "Oh, you're rich then, aren't you? Just like the Lady riiight over here, hihihi! So tell me, is it a hobby for rich young ladies like the both of you to drink tea and look stiff all the time? Wow, that's a wonderful new fact!"

Bernkastel didn't look the slightest bit amused. "I drink tea for the sake of enjoying it, Amakusa."

"Ahahaha...don't mind anything he says, Bernkastel-san," Ange sweatdropped, but obviously worried since her bodyguard was being so reckless and disrespectful. Nevertheless, Amakusa proceeded to be 'sociable', and chomped on the cakes without any shame or remorse at all.

"And anyways, isn't a pretty girl like you supposed to be engaged and wedded off or something? What're you doing in a winery? Oh well, at least you're those type of girls who love independent living, eh? Just like me." With that, Amakusa winked at Bernkastel, much to her surprise.

It wasn't a nice surprise, since she was struck with the reality of being flirted at by someone way, WAY older than her. Bernkastel didn't like it at all.

"Your bodyguard...has a very...weird sense of humor, Ange-san."

"I-I'm really sorry, Bernkastel-san! I'll shut him up right now..." and with that, she kicked Amakusa at the leg. "CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ORDERS?"

"Owwww, that hurt, Lady," he winced. "Are you jealous by any chance, Lady? Because you seem to be displeased at my conversation with Bernkastel-san, hmmmm?"

"AMAKUSA!"

"Or maybe...hold on a sec..." Amakusa paused. "The name Bernkastel seems to long, hmm? Let's search for a nickname for you, Bernkastel-san!"

The very sentence hit a nerve in Bernkastel's insides.

* * *

From the legs to the thighs.

"Could it be that you're enjoying this, Lia? Oh my...I didn't know you were so naughty, hihihihi!"

"Y-You won't get the voice samples this wa-AH! G-Gaap..." Virgilia gasped, since Gaap's hand went further up.

"Well, two can play at this game..."

* * *

"Nicknames, nicknames...let's see...Frederica Bernkastel, am I correct?"

Amakusa began fishing for every single nickname he can derive from Bernkastel's name, greatly shocking Ange. Bernkastel, however, began to think that Amakusa's efforts were pretty entertaining, and she graciously gave him a pen and pencil to list down all the nicknames he can derive from the name 'Frederica Bernkastel'. With that, Amakusa started to write, penning everything down.

"Let's see...what about Erica?"

"That's my cousin's name."

"Kastel?"

"What's that? Think of something else."

"Rica? Or Rika?"

"Do I look like a Rika to you? You're boring me, Amakusa-san."

"...Fred?"

...

...

_...What?_ Bernkastel froze.

"What about Fred? Hey...that sounds pretty good...Fred. I'll call you Fred from now on, alright?" The bodyguard grinned, causing the atmosphere to be deathly silent for a while.

At that very moment, Bernkastel snapped.

Terribly.

The girl terribly, _**TERRIBLY, SNAPPED.**_

There was no trace of humor left in Bernkastel's eyes anymore.

* * *

"Fine, fine! G-Gaap...I'll give you the v-voice samples...!" Virgilia gasped, her face terribly flushed.

Gaap withdrew her hand from Virgilia's thigh, clapped her hands and struck a victory pose. "ALRIGHT! I knew you'd help me, Lia! You're such a good friend! Now why don't you wait here while I order more coffee, mm? You can drop the voice samples off at the hotel tonight!"

And the second operation was done. But there was one thing Gaap wondered to herself throughout the entire thing...

Was Lia so sensitive that even a brush on her leg turned her on?

_...Oh, that's a very, very useful bit of information_, Gaap grinned lecherously. _Very, very useful indeed._

* * *

"So it's settled then, Fred!" Amakusa delightfully laughed.

"YOU IDIOT!" Ange kicked him. "Find a different name! It's not even a girl's name, so change it right now!"

"Whaaat? Fred really suits her! I mean, Fred's a very nice nickname for Frederica, and..."

From the debate, Bernkastel was sitting from the sidelines, putting down her cup of tea and clenched her fists as hard as she could until blood seeped from her skin. Her bangs covered her eyes, her teeth gritted like never before and her expression was so hateful it was far from scorned. Looking angrily at Amakusa, she tried to control herself, but he kept going on and on.

And on.

And on.

And a bit more.

And on.

"Don't you agree, Fred?"

_Don't lose your cool, Bernkastel. Don't._

"Hey, Fred, are you okay? You look rather ill..."

_Don't. Just don't._

"Well, you'll get used to the name, Fred. It suits you _very_ well, don't you think...**Fred**?"

...She's had it.

Grabbing a nearby wine bottle, Bernkastel marched right up to Amakusa, slammed it onto his head and waited for a reaction.

Bits of glass pieces were everywhere on the floor, and the part of the wine bottle Bernkastel was holding had massive spikes from where it was broken. Ange froze at her position, Amakusa's expression stayed constant, until the pain started to register into his brain. His head started to bleed, from one drop to another as the wine mixed with the blood, leaving him in a state of shock.

"I would appreciate it if you don't call me by such a masculine name, Amakusa-san. It was nice meeting you, and thank you for introducing him to me, Ange-san." With that, Bernkastel shook Amakusa's lifeless hand, and bowed to Ange. "I'll bring over some sweets for you sometime, and as for Amakusa-san's head, you should take him to Nanjo-san for treatment. Thanks for the company."

And after a few minutes, there was a trail of blood coming from the winery leading all the way to the hotel.

* * *

"Bern...? Bern...I'm hungry..."

A familiar voice came from the living room, to which Bernkastel concluded that it was indeed Lambda's voice. Cleaning her hands, she walked up to the kitchen, finally preparing breakfast after a really, REALLY hectic morning. Turning on the stove, Bernkastel cooked spicy instant noodles instead, since there wasn't any more time to prepare anything fancy.

"Good morning, Lambda. Have you slept well?"

"Best sleep I've had in years! Maybe it's because I slept in your bed, Bern! Anyways, my energy's a 100% now, so I can return to my internship tomorrow! Kihihihihi!~" With that, Lambda teetered around in her nightwear, rushing up to the kitchen just to hug or glomp her beloved Bern as some weird morning ritual every time she spent the night in the winery. "Now whaccha cooking, my dearest, cutest, most fabulousest Berrrrrrn-"

And then, she saw that trail of blood on the wood.

"Um...Bern?"

"Yes, Lambda? What is it?" the aproned girl asked.

"...Why is there blood on the floor?"

"Oh, that?" Bernkastel paused, then smiled rather warmly at Lambdadelta. "It's a long story. Now sit down and wait until I've finished cooking, alright?"

* * *

**A/N:**

*Focaccina means **cookie **in Italian. :D Also means **muffin.**

Despite my writer's block...I SURVIVED. (Somewhat hehe.)

I'm back everyone! And this fic ain't gonna die that fast! I promised myself that this fic WILL finish, no matter how long it takes!

I sort of sprained my thumb (owww) but it's getting better, I guess. Also, I've been gushing over Portal, Half-Life, Ludwig Kakumei and Sanhora, xDDD. Also, I'm really thankful to **rennah chen** for mentioning me in her fic _A Story From A Parallel Universe_! *Now please excuse me while I write the next chapter, xDD*

If there's any questions or anything you wanna know about this fic, you can ask! (Just don't ask for the spoilers, because I haven't thought of them yet, xD)

Thank you for the reviews! You are all treasured! And even if you don't review, it's nice to know that you're reading this fic!

-Densetsu-no-Maguro.


	20. A House That Tips Over A Cliff in Norway

_It must have been fun while it lasted._

* * *

_It was the dead of the night in the Fukuin University of Performing Arts, 10:49 pm, to be exact._

_Around this time, as per usual, there was a student working on her long-term portfolio in the library, which was the only room brightly lit up in the university. Everything was quiet, since the rest of the students and the faculty already left for the day. Her friends (also colleagues) took care of the Siesta Daycare without her, seeing that she has to finish up her portfolio for the term. The timid, pink-haired university student struggled to gather all the information she needed to finish up her portfolio, but the thing is, it was just so quiet in the massive library of the university._

_It was just so quiet._

_Everything was so big._

_There were so many shelves._

_Crickets were chirping eerily!_

_And poor Siesta 45 (which was her codename in the Daycare) didn't know how to concentrate on her work, when all of a sudden, she heard eerie singing coming from the end of the hallway. When she came closer and closer to the source of the singing, the poor pigtail-haired girl shook with fright as she timidly opened the door to the old auditorium, revealing nothing but pitch-black darkness to the girl._

_What happened next was too fast to comprehend for the poor thing._

* * *

Chapter 20

"Uuu...Where is everybody, uu...?"

Previously, the team decided to go to the university to listen to the singing themselves with the limited information they could get from rather dense witnesses. It seemed that the more they sit around and play detective all day, the more they were losing out against Erika and the Eiserne Jungfrau (or whatever they call it). And due to the circumstances that the opposing team could be reaching the end of the mystery, the Rokkenjima team went to the Fukuin University of Performing Arts at the dead of the night with everything pitch-dark all around them. Battler and Beato opted to be in front, both wearing normal t-shirts and shorts, Kanon was at the middle and Gaap was at the back, guarding little Maria who tended to be lost in dark places while searching for their desired destination in the dark and massive institute.

And that was before Maria detached from them unintentionally, getting lost in that labyrinth of a university.

"Beato...? B-Battler...?"

In Ushiromiya Maria's point of view, everything was dark, scary and pretty much eerie. The nine-year old girl with her signature black toy crown with a cross on top (which actually costs more than a _petite-bourgeois_'s house rent) and her pink pyjama-like dress walked along the dark hallways with her pink bag full of nonsensical stuff a normal kid wouldn't dream of bringing. Instead of crying and slumping to the floor in distress and fear like other kids, Maria was rather fascinated at everything around her, the darkness and the moonlight shining through the glass windows compelling her to move on and find what other interesting things were in store for her.

It's an entire adventure laid out for Maria! And when Maria completes it, Mama would be so proud of her!

Her little steps took her further and further down the hallways, leading her to random places that she couldn't even dream of imagining. Maria turned on her flashlight, blinking her curious little eyes as she searched every nook and cranny of every single room she ventured in. Picking up random things and putting them in her bag for future use, Maria then realized that she had to continue her adventure of finding that auditorium until-

**BAM!**

"U-Uryuuuu!" a voice came from behind Maria, prompting her to turn and flash the flashlight at the direction the sound came from. Maria ran towards the darkened figure, and as she got closer, she discovered that it was the figure of a person; a boy, to be exact. Helping him up, she flashed the flashlight directly on his face as he yelped in surprise due to the sudden light entering his eyes.

"Uu..? Are you hurt, uu?" Maria exclaimed, not bothering about anything around her except the boy whom she helped up. The blonde haired boy looked at her with a rather perplexed expression, and blinked rather curiously, shaking his head.

"I'm fine, uryuu..." he replied, and then raised his head a little. "Thank you, uryuu! My name is Sakutaro, uryuu! What's yours?"

_Sakutaro_, Maria thought. _What a nice name!_

...Hang on a sec.

Don't they always meet up with a sidekick in adventures? Like the ones in TV?

And people with nice names are common in adventures! Sakutaro could be her sidekick! Or her adventure buddy!

They'll be best friends forever!

"Ushiromiya Maria!" Maria smiled, shaking Sakutaro's hand. "From now on, you're my best friend!" Her toothy grin instantly drew Sakutaro to her, shocked at the fact that he made a friend really, REALLY fast. In the span of 3 minutes. After being left in a room carelessly by Siesta 45 (one of his legal caretakers), he fell, made a friend and still had quite some trouble comprehending all of that. He was a shy boy, after all. A very introverted boy, to be exact.

"And we'll go on adventures together! And tea parties! And everything we can think of! Uu!" she droned on and on while holding his hand as they walked in the dark halls. "We're going on an adventure right now as we speak, Sakutaro!~"

"B-But...uryuu..." Sakutaro hesitantly whimpered, hiding behind Maria and tugging at her sleeve shyly. "I-I'm afraid of dark places, uryuu...!"

Maria stopped for a while, thought to herself and finally snapped her fingers (to which it didn't even make a sound yet, and Maria was yet to find out how to make that clicking sound). "You'll just have to be brave, Sakutaro! We're going on an adventure, and we won't let any old darkness make us scared! You can follow me, Sakutaro! We'll be just fine!~" And with that, Maria 'uu'ed like never before, out of sheer happiness that she finally found a friend (which was human and not stuffed, since Mama was rather touchy about the subject which contained the fact that Maria never had any friends at her age) for her adventure. "Our mission is to find an auu-dee-toh-reeum! Uu! UU!"

Gulping, Sakutaro nodded his head weakly, but after he saw Maria's determined smile...

He decided to be brave for her sake.

...He'll try.

* * *

"Where's Maria? Maria!" Battler called out, searching for his youngest cousin frantically as Beato too followed behind him, searching every room for the pint-sized Ushiromiya girl. It really didn't help that it was dark in the university and that Maria was the one in charge of keeping the flashlight, so no matter how good Beato was in directions, it won't help if the atmosphere was completely dark and hard to see. And for some reason, Grabbing for her phone, she dialed Maria's number, but to no avail.

"She won't pick up," a rather sinister voice came from behind them, prompting them to turn around to face the Eiserne Jungfrau and Furudo Erika, who was clapping her hands satirically. "I see that Ushiromiya Maria has detached from your team and got herself lost, mm? Poor little thing, she's only nine and she became such a vital person in PREVENTING YOU TWO FROM BECOMING MY SLAVES!" With that, she pointed at Battler and Beatrice and laughed rather unceremoniously, contorting her face into a weird mixture of an insane grimace and an ecstatic smile.

Beatrice smirked defensively, as if she didn't want to display their weaknesses to the younger girl and her posse. "That doesn't mean that we've lost, FUUURUUDO ERIIIKA! Once we get to the bottom of this mystery, you will do my bidding, little girl! And I've already got a long list on what you'll have to do for me after our victory! KIHIHIHIHI!"

"List?" Erika blinked. "You actually got a list ready?"

"Mmhm."

"Pray tell what does that list CONTAIN."

"Wearing a maid's costume, tending to my every whim and needs, becoming my personal servant, drinking water with duct tape binding her wrists, kissing my feet, worshiping the ground I walk, begging me for her basic necessities," Beatrice counted, and then remembered more things she added. "Ah. Having to eat with forks, spoons and knives instead of chopsticks so long as I claim ownership over her. Well, there's still other ideas in my mind, so I'm not quite done yet-"

But it wasn't the case for Erika.

Her pupils dilated.

Forks, spoons and knives were such _inelegant, viscous things that only knows how to tear up food!_

_And no chopsticks?_

_**NO CHOPSTICKS?**_

"**YOU'RE GOING DOWN, BITCH!**" Erika yelled, seething with apparent rage as she pushed Beatrice out of the way, causing her to fall directly in Battler's arms as Erika ran with her team. "Last to reach the auditorium will be declared the LOSER of this mystery! There's no way I'll do what you write on that list of yours, so I'll make sure you lose, Beatrice! I'LL MAKE SURE YOU LOSE! **_AND YOUR PRECIOUS BATTLER'S ASS WILL BE MINE IN HOLY MATRIMONY AND WE'LL LIVE IN A NICE HOUSE THAT TIPS OVER A CLIFF IN NORWAY WHEN THE WIND BLOWS!_**"

With that, she ran off, leaving Beatrice in Battler's arms.

It was a rather awkward moment to be in for both of them, and when Battler found himself holding her, he came to realize that she was a rather pretty girl when she's not making fun of him, cackling madly or stealing his underwear. Her blue eyes just refused to blink due to apparent shock, which gave him the opportunity to admire them for just a millisecond before he berated his mind and put her down immediately.

And for just a second there, she looked rather familiar to him...

"Roomaaaaance mooooment, Riiiichee~" Gaap snickered, coming out from a room unexpectedly as Kanon came out from another with a flashlight he found in his hands. The two of them blushed almost instantly, not knowing what to say until Beatrice spoke up first.

"H-Hey! Watch how you put me down, Ushiromiya Battler!" Beatrice's voice snapped him from his reverie, the shrill voice reaching his ears without alarm nor mercy. "A-Ah, there you are, Kanon! Give me the flashlight and let's hurry up. Tape Gaap's mouth while you're at it too."

"HEY!"

And as she signaled her team to run to the auditorium (with the flashlight in her hand), she shook her head in denial of what just happened.

Stupid Battler.

But Beatrice obviously doesn't want to see anyone **live in a nice house that tips over a cliff in Norway when the wind blows.**

* * *

Takano Lambdadelta slumped in the chair as she faced Tohya with a rather grim and tired expression. "Those three 'party rooms' you asked me to clean is all cleaned up. NOW can I go home?"

The ebony-haired writer tapped her pen near her chin, thinking it over as she smirked rather condescendingly. "No, not yet. I want to talk to you for a minute, Takano-san."

Groaning, Lambdadelta sighed, realizing that there was more to this than just cleaning three war-wrecked rooms (to which it was just ghastly; Tohya was infamous for her messes, which earned her a record in the Book of Records that year). As she swung her legs, she noticed that the author was digging into her drawers for something, and as Tohya scratched her head, she finally found three things that she wanted to take out for the rookie reporter. Laying the things on the table, Tohya flipped her long hair fashionably (mainly to emphasize her superiority as a boss taking on a new apprentice) and clapped her hands most _elegantly._

It seemed that whatever Hachijo Tohya did, it would be _very, very elegant._

That's funny. Lambdadelta didn't recall her being elegant at all, even.

"Ahem," Tohya started. "Do you know why I asked you to clean up all those rooms for me?"

"So that you won't have to do it by yourself and because you simply love to inflict pain on others, Hachijo-saaaan?" Lambdadelta slurred mockingly.

"Ahahaha, nice one. Actually, it's because those three rooms are for you. You'll have three offices from now on to use," and with that, Tohya passed a nameplate made of acrylic with the initials 'Takano Lambdadelta: Chief Reporter' on it. "and you can decorate them anyway you like. Middle room's your office, left room is your photocopy room and the right room is where you can nap all day long. Like mine!" The writer grinned, passing on two more items; a pen and a name tag. "Congratulations, Takano-san. You've been accepted for your internship."

_You've been accepted for your internship._

**_You've been accepted for your internship._**

**_Oh heck yes._**

"Kihihihi!" the blonde wonder gleefully laughed, like a girl getting a candy motherlode. "Hehehehe...hyuhehehehehe...So does this mean that I can finally go to sleep and wake up late tomorrow or maybe work the day after tomorrow because I'm so tired from cleaning and I really need to get to Bern and-"

_OHOHOHO! WELCOME TO THE EVIL'S FOREST! WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE-_

Lambdadelta jumped at the ringtone of her phone, fumbling with it as she pressed on the screen repeatedly over and over again. It seemed that she was rather outdated with technology, and while it was still ringing, the girl bit down on her lip hard as she just wanted to break the entire contraption in her hand. Fumbling with the buttons, Lambdadelta just rammed her pointer finger randomly around the screen, until...

*press*

Oh, finally. "Hello? Takano Lambdadelta speaking, who's theeeeerrree?~"

"Lambda."

The caller on the other line was obviously Bernkastel, who sounded rather cold (now when wasn't she?) and mildly irritated (now that was new). "Where are you?"

"Um...in Hachijo-san's?"

"Do you know what time it is, Lambda?"

"10:42pm, 2242 hours in military time?" the bubbly reporter replied impishly. "What's up, Bern? Is it an emergency?"

"It is. You're usually back in the winery or the hotel at 9:30. _Why are you still there_?"

"Because I had work to do! And I'll be back soon, so don't you worry-"

"Stay right there," the heiress's voice came. "I'll pick you up, and stay right there or I'll shove forks and needles in that pretty little throat of yours to make you learn your lesson if you don't wait for me. And whatever you do, don't come near that witch and _juststaythereuntilIcomeforyou._"

And she hung up.

Just like that.

With that, Lambdadelta flashed a catty smile at Hachijo, bade her goodbye for the day and walked out with an uncontrollable grin on her face like some love-struck kitten.

"She really does care!~ Ufufufufu!~~"

* * *

"And, and, the mahou shoujo got rid of the witch! But I liked the witch better because it was once a mahou shoujo, and it's like a power up, Sakutaro!~ Uu! Power up! So, so, Maria wants to become a witch!~ And Beato said I could make a good witch!~ Uu!" Maria clapped her hands as she told Sakutaro about that anime she particularly liked as she walked with her new friend down the halls, reaching closer and closer to the auditorium until...

BUMP.

"E-Eh?" Maria blinked, staring at the thing she bumped against, flashing the flashlight on one of her babysitters, Siesta 45 who was sprawled on the floor. "What's she doing on the floor, Sakutaro? What's she doing on the floor, uu?"

Sakutaro shivered in fear, being the scaredy-cat he is. "S-She fainted, uryuuu! Uryuuuu!"

And she did look rather ghastly, or rather out of place as her body was right in front of the auditorium they wanted to go to. Her pigtails looked slightly undone, her eyes looked rather frozen in place and she was shivering to boot. Maria studied her babysitter studiously, poking her occasionally until she came to a conclusion. She huffed, shut off her flashlight and shot Sakutaro a determined look.

"We'll just have to storm in, Sakutaro! 45-nee is our hostage! With the proof of a Witch's Kiss," to which Maria pointed at Siesta 45's birthmark at her neck, "we own her for the time being! Now let's storm in the au-dee-tooh-reeum and see what other victims we can lure!"

"U-Uryuu?" Sakutaro trembled. "V-Victims? But Maria, isn't that bad? A-And about 45-nee...!"

"Hmm...you're right about that...But this is the sacrifice of a mahou shoujo! Tell you what, you can become my familiar! And I'll give you diplomatic immunity and all that thingamagig, so we can have lots and lots of fun! We can protect each other with out magic! Uu!" And with that, Maria lit her flashlight again, nodded at Sakutaro and put on a serious face (which looked more like a cute pout) until both of them heard something from behind the door.

"_Laaaaaa..._"

The children blinked simultaneously. "W-What was that, uu...?" Maria clung onto Sakutaro mildly.

"S-Someone's singing, uryuu...!" he replied. He was too scared of everything now, but when he observed his friend let go of him slowly, Sakutaro was apparently shocked at Maria deciding to open the door to the auditorium to check it out. "URYU! MARIA!"

"We have to check it out!" Maria mustered her courage. If she were to be scared, Mama wouldn't be proud of her and the adventure would stop! There's no way that she'll turn back now! Putting her two little hands on the handle, Maria turned it, opened it slowly and...

...

...Eh?

"Oh!" Maria exclaimed, her mouth making a big O. "It's _**you!**_ What are you doing here, uuu?"

* * *

"Let it be known that she is completely unconscious, Miss Erika," Gertrude examined, sighing as she proceeded to slap the poor thing. "SPEAK. What did you see before you fainted? Let it be known that you MUST TELL US OR YOU WILL-"

"DIE THE DEATH! SENTENCE TO DEATH! GREAT EQUALIZER IS THE DEA-"

"Please calm down, Dlanor-sama!" Cornelia slapped her hand on the younger girl's mouth, causing Dlanor to squirm childishly in her senior's grasp.

Battler couldn't help but blink at the oddities of Erika's team who did quite a...harsh job in interrogating. It really didn't help that Gertrude was slapping Siesta 45 repeatedly and yelling at her when she obviously couldn't reply, Dlanor biting Cornelia's hand in anger and Erika using a ghost-hunting machine against the door. Beato soon caught up with him, and when she saw the events, she too was frozen at her spot. And when it looked as if they were trying so hard to make Beatrice and Battler Erika's eternal slaves, it sort of dealt a heavy blow to the Rokkenjima team for not trying that hard.

Well, they can always throw Kanon in to act silly. Gold medal in the 'Retardism' event in the Olympics.

But the thing is, Kanon wasn't there.

So Battler, out of desperation, banged on the door while he pushed Erika and her retarded contraption, drunkenly screaming since he seemed to be fed up of all the lunacy he had experienced ever since he came here. It mainly consisted of "UWOOOOO JUST COME OUT OF THERE ASFFHGLKL!" and "SCREW LIFE, MY COUSIN'S MISSING, I'M STUCK WITH CREEPY BITCHES AND I'M ABOUT TO LIVE IN NORWAY SO JUST SING THE HELL OUT OF YOUR GHOSTLY SOUL UWOOOO!", to which Erika pushed him away equally.

"Why did you do that for?" Battler yelled infuriatingly.

"Go away! This is MY spot! I was here first!" Erika retorted.

"But you're abusing a witness! GRAAH! I give up! What's with you anyways? Where did you even come from?"

"SHUT UP! Just order a damned corsage because we'll be married, married, MARRIED! DON'T OBJECT TO MARRIAGE!"

"I don't want to marry you!" Battler exclaimed, obviously horrified. "I want to marry someone with big boobs! And-"

And suddenly, there was that singing voice again. Erika's reflexes acted faster than her thoughts as she kicked down the door, scritching the duct tape in her hands and pulled a really, really long strap as it made that 'scriiiik!' noise, grinning triumphantly as she cackled madly out of sheer euphoria.

"OH HECK YES! SHOW YOURSELF BEFORE THE GREAT DETECTIVE, FURUDO ERIKA!"

No response.

No singing either.

Nothing.

And it was getting rather unsettling, since the silence was sickeningly deafening. As the rest poked their heads in, they found three figures in the room, which consisted of Maria, Sakutaro and...

_**Ronove.**_

"...Ronove-san?" Kanon gasped, pointing accusingly at him. "W-What are you doing here?"

The illustrious butler chuckled as he ruffled Maria and Sakutaro's heads affectionately. "Pu ku ku ku. It seems that there was quite a ruckus I've caused. I'm sorry. Actually, I was trying out my singing, since most have commented that my voice complements my late great-great-great grandfather, pu ku ku ku. Maria-sama and Sakutaro-sama happened to find me, and it was quite nice to have some company."

"Uu! And it was nice, uu! UU!"

Erika blinked.

And clenched her fists in apparent anger.

Lunging towards Ronove, she couldn't bear the fact that feeling that she had already lost.

"YOU WILL NOT GET IN THE WAY! DIE!"

Maria gasped, realizing that it was the mahou shoujo attacking her new familiar! She wouldn't let her familiars be attacked by a pesky mahou shoujo! Nu-uh, no way! It was time that she defeated the mahou shoujo, and quickly, she took out her steel hand-made staff that looked exactly like her family logo. Lunging towards Erika, the 9 year old had a look of rage on her face, not wanting Ronove nor Sakutaro to be hurt.

The mahou shoujo's going down!

"BE GONE, MAHOU SHOUJO! UUUUUUUU!" Maria yelled, swinging her staff as it hit Erika square at the stomach.

...That's gotta hurt.

Everyone stopped their squabbling as they stared at Maria menacingly glaring at the hyperventilating Erika, to which they froze in apparent horror. Maria stamped her staff on the floor, giggled happily as she dialed Rosa's number, waiting for her to pick up.

"Guess what, Mama? I defeated a mahou shoujo! Uu!~"

Furudo Erika obviously chose the wrong day to wear pink ribbons and frills all over her outfit.

* * *

But it wasn't over yet. Erika choked, spluttered, drooled, wormed, clutched, crawled, gasped, wheezed, coughed-

_2 HOURS LATER._

-and surprisingly, she was still capable of moving and standing. The Furudo wiped her mouth, refusing to give up as she announced at the top of her lungs.

"T-This isn't over yet, Beatrice, Ushiromiya Battler! We're gonna have a rematch! And guess what type of rematch will this be? Now listen closely; WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A **MONSTER TRUCK RACE!** CAN'T BEAT THAT, HUH? AND I'LL MAKE SURE YOU'LL LOSE!"

Gaap jawdropped. "You have got to be kidding me. We've wasted our entire time finding some guy who's dead, which turns out to be Ronove, it's 1 in the morning, I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP and you want a MONSTER TRUCK RACE?"

"DID SOMEONE SAY MONSTER TRUCK RACE?"

Right after that sentence was uttered, they turned to see Lambdadelta grinning ecstatically with her new nametag that glittered in the moonlight and a pink monster truck to which she twirled the keys around her finger. Beside her was Bernkastel with a blue monster truck, and sighed coldly at her cousin's apparent insanity to failures. Pointing outside, the heiress directed them to a parking lot full of monster trucks and passed everyone their keys. It so happened that Ushiromiya Krauss and Ushiromiya Eva brought their own, horning the youths impatiently.

"Get ready," Bernkastel monotoned, walking up to the truck and slammed the door shut.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm sorry. This was so long. I wrote too much. Oh god. Too much insanity and too much crack (and too much things that don't make sense) wormed their way in here. But I'm grateful for all the support on the fic! And rennah, I've finally updated, xP. I must admit that I've dulled a bit, and this is the LONGEST chapter I've ever written, and I'll try to be more devoted to this fanfiction! Please review! D

-Densetsu-no-Maguro.


	21. Special 2: Principal Issues 1

_Rosa didn't want to to do this._

_Of course she didn't want to do this; its the last thing that she actually wants to do in her entire school life. The youngest Ushiromiya stood before her shrill school principal, glaring at him with her steely brown eyes without any form of fear or remorse. Many of her classmates and schoolmates crowded around the scene at the high school corridor, where demure, sweet, shy 16-year old Ushiromiya Rosa held a steel one meter ruler in her right hand, biting her lip as she stared right into her principal's eyes. They didn't think that Rosa was the type of girl who would actually rise up and fight against a school principal with that shy personality, those girlish pigtails and that really polite disposition, but they were sorely mistaken as Rosa took her stand and wiped the blood off her face, staining her sleeve. And Rosa really didn't want to do this, but she had to. There was no other choice._

_Her principal had been tormenting her for far too long now; scolding her when she didn't do anything wrong, subjecting her to harsh detentions (10 hours at the very least!), belittling her self esteem, forever condemning her to the last class of her level despite her stellar grades, and worst of all, insulting the Ushiromiya family name because her eldest brother is obsessed with space travel, her elder sister was a feminist and her second elder brother nearly flirted with every single girl in his school._

_And sweet Ushiromiya Rosa had enough._

_It could go in her disciplinary records, but Rosa couldn't care less. No one would listen to her, so she had to take this matter into her own hands._

_"Oh, what are you going to do, Ushiromiya Rosa?" her principal taunted mercilessly. "Swing that ruler at me? DEMERIT! Throw it at me? MORE DEMERITS! I run this private school, and you know it, Ushiromiya Rosa! And what are you, in the fifth grade? What do they teach you at home? It's **your** problem that you're failing at everything, and-"_

_"SHUT UP."_

_The principal stopped abruptly at the tone of Rosa's voice, and stared incredulously at the little girl before him, who had her grip tightened at the metal ruler. _

_"YOU." Rosa pointed. "In my entire school life, I've never thought that it would be this ruined. And why is it ruined? Because of YOU. All I wanted was a normal school life, but you wouldn't give it to me. Why? Is it because that I'm an Ushiromiya? IS IT BECAUSE I'M THE YOUNGEST DAUGHTER OF THE FAMILY THAT YOU'VE HATED FOR SO LONG? IS IT BECAUSE I'M SO EASY TO BE PUSHED OVER? Well, I'll show you what USHIROMIYA ROSA can do to someone like YOU!"_

_Her fists clenched._

_Her breath quickened._

_And all Rosa could remember was her feet running straight towards her principal, who took out a steel T-square from behind his back and lunged at Rosa as well._

* * *

_**Special 2: Principal Issues (Part 1)**_

Chapter 21

"IT'S SO HOT!" Lambdadelta screamed, rolling on the floor of the Bernkastel Winery in an attempt to cool herself somehow.

"H-How did it become so hot...?" Erika wailed, eventually giving up on braiding her hair. "Yesterday it was raining heavily and now even the night's...aaaaargh...D-Dlanor...! Where's Dlanor? I NEED DLANOR!"

"Aaaargh...it's useless...it's all useless..." Battler groaned.

"Onii-chaaaan...ONII-CHAAAAAAN..." a desperate voice came from the kitchen fridge.

"MUST...SHRED...DOOR...! SHRED SHRED SHRED..." Kanon gritted his teeth.

"WHY ARE MY CURLS SO HEAVY? WHY?" Gaap collapsed.

Despite the natural coolness in the Bernkastel Winery, the temperature somehow skyrocketed from its usual readings. It would be a lie if Bernkastel herself had said that she didn't feel the slightest bit hot, because it was rather obvious that she was perspiring as well. And even though she had prepared various iced drinks for Lambda and the rest of her company in the winery, they still couldn't help sweating all over the place. Battler and Beato were trying to get some wind by standing near the window, but all they caught was even more heat, to which they turned red due to being too overheated. For short, the winery didn't look like a place of business anymore, but it really looked like a temporary place for mad souls before departing for an asylum with Kanon clawing at the back door, Ange staying in the fridge, Erika braiding her hair while laughing madly and Gaap complaining about how heavy her curls were.

One would've saluted Bernkastel for putting up with all this patiently and quietly while calmly preparing _more_ iced drinks in the kitchen without complaint. Though there was that slight anger in her heart towards Ange, who simply _wouldn't get out of her fridge_ whenever she needed ice cubes.

That very, _very **slight**_ anger.

How can a girl her size fit in a fridge anyways? People from the Ushiromiya family really are impossible people.

...

...Speaking of Ushiromiyas...

"Battler," Bernkastel called out from the kitchen. "Who's in the hotel right now?"

Battler stopped whining at once as he got up and went inside the kitchen, leaning against the wall. "Eh? Um...I think Maria's there, Rosa-obasan's there, then there's also the servants and...and...that fat guy."

"That fat guy?" the heiress arched her eyebrow.

"Yeah...I keep forgetting his name somehow...He always wore that wacky coconut bra-"

"Dr. Nanjo."

"OHHHHHHHHH. NANJO!" Battler laughed, snapping his fingers with a huge smile on his face. "So THAT'S his name!"

"And where did everyone else go?"

"They ditched us for the island next to Nijima, I guess."

"Well, why aren't you there with the people remaining in the hotel?" the blue haired girl asked some more.

"Because the winery's cooler?"

"So even if there's a high possibility that something might happen to your aunt and cousin, you _still insist on coming to my winery without permission_? And leave them in the face of danger if something does happen to them?"

"Genji's there. Nanjo's there. Shannon's there. And if I recall correctly," to which Battler pointed at the sign hanging at the door, "it said 'Open', when I came in. And you can't shoo me out of your winery because I'm a customer, and the customer's always right!"

"You do know that I'm a Bernkastel, and in my family, the business-people are, in many ways than one, far more correct than the average customer who thinks that they can exercise their consumer's rights without even knowing the full context of it. So get out of my kitchen and sit down before I take this knife and _mutilate your outrageously stupid hairstyle until you'll **wish** you've never had a head in the first place_."

And with that, Bernkastel started chopping the vegetables for dinner with an inhuman speed and accuracy that Battler could actually imagine his head being the vegetables themselves.

The worst part was that he could imagine the pain.

The knife searing into his scalp...

The sharp knife chopping away on his head...dicing his cranium...

"Um...are all of you here?" a voice called out from the entrance. Bernkastel halted chopping the vegetables for a while, washed her hands and dried them on her apron, to which she went out of the kitchen. Everyone else snapped out of their heat hallucinations and crowded around the lady who brought over some drinks and pastries from the bakery nearby. With a smile on her face, she put the bought goods on the table and stretched for a bit. Lambdadelta peeked out from the floor, lifting her head as she blinked rapidly to register identification of the person before her.

"Oh, it's Rosa!"

* * *

"Thank you for the meal!"

It was a simple traditional Japanese dinner, but the way Bernkastel prepared it was surprisingly home made. The pastries and drinks that Rosa had bought had made a great addition to the table, and the people in the winery increased since Rosa had brought Maria along with her. And as everyone ate the meals traditionally using chopsticks, poor Furudo Erika couldn't even use a single stick to pick up or poke any form of food and had to use a pair of those dreaded Western utensils that she had hated so much. Just using them made her fingers feel like they were on fire, and just tearing that piece of beef apart with them nearly made the poor thing cry. At least the spoon was merciful on her, but the fork...the dreaded fork...

It certainly didn't help when Maria kept on stubbing Erika's fingers whenever she tried to use even the edge of a chopstick on food.

"W-Will you stop d-doing that?" Erika whimpered, to which Maria aloofly snorted.

"I have a feeling that we _didn't get along so well in our past lives if we even have any_, and I'd like it to stay that way, uu."

"So," Beato munched, looking over at Rosa with a curious look. "What brings you here at the dead of the night, Rosa-san?"

Rosa merely giggled, looking at everyone seated at the table. "Actually, Maria wanted to come over and see you, Beatrice-san. So I decided to buy some things to bring over to the winery, but there were things that Maria had specifically stated not to buy since she said that you were quite particular with groceries, and then she started dragging me from one aisle to another, to which we came to the same aisle that we came in at the very beginning. And then I got angry because-MARIA WHY DID YOU DRAG ME ALL AROUND THE SUPERMARKET FOR THREE ROUNDS? DON'T YOU LOVE MAMA ANYMORE?_ DON'T YOU CARE THAT MAMA ISN'T HOW SHE USED TO BE AND THAT **MAMA HAS SEVERE ARTHRITIS WHENEVER IT RAINS AND IT RAINED YESTERDAY?**_ DON'T YOU CARE THAT I HAVE A VERY LOW RECOVERY RATE-"

"Uu! I'm sorry, mama! Please don't be mad!" Maria quivered, but it somehow made Rosa even more furious.

"AND STOP SAYING UU! NOW SHUT UP FOR A MOMENT," to which Rosa pointed at everyone at the table with a very furious expression. "I'M GOING TO CALL MY THERAPIST TO RESCHEDULE MY APPOINTMENT BECAUSE MY STRESS LEVEL APPARENTLY SKYROCKETED AND I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A STROKE. I WANT TO BE A HAPPY, HEALTHY WOMAN WHO THINKS OF NOTHING BUT BEAUTIFUL RAINBOWS AND FLOWERS. _**OKAY?**_"

Everyone blinked, stayed quiet and didn't dare move. Rosa's sudden mood-swings really took them by surprise, but at least she _isn't_ the type of woman who would _physically abuse her daughter_ whenever she was stressed. At least Rosa has that.

But admittedly, that was scary.

Knowing the fact that Rosa had arthritis was even scarier.

"...So Rosa has arthritis..." Gaap whispered to Kanon, to which Rosa growled at Gaap in response.

"STROKE."

While Ushiromiya Rosa dialed her anger management therapist, Lambdadelta's phone suddenly rang, blaring its really noisy ringtone as the blonde-haired reporter fumbled with it, trying to press the right buttons since she obviously couldn't figure out her phone no matter how she tried. It's been years since her mom and dad gave her a touch phone to use, but somehow, no matter how she tried to learn how to use it, the blasted thing simply wouldn't cooperate with her! A-And there's no way that she's outdated in technology, nu-uh! Touching the phone screen everywhere desperately, Lambdadelta finally pressed the correct icon after thousands of presses that used majority of her fingers.

Phew.

"Hello~ Takano Lambdadelta speaking~?" she answered cheerily. "Eh? What? Who barged in the hotel?"

At that, everyone stopped eating, crowded around Lambdadelta as she listened to more details of what had happened in the hotel a few seconds ago. Rosa apparently gave up contacting her therapist as soon as she heard the mention about the hotel and as Lambdadelta listened to the full story, she concluded her understanding with a quick nod.

"Alright, we'll be there as soon as we can! Just hold on until we get there, okay Shannon?" the blonde-haired reporter replied before hanging up.

"What happened?" Battler exclaimed, obviously panicked. "Did something happen in the hotel?"

Lambdadelta raced to the door and slipped on her sandals as fast as she could. "There are thugs in the hotel demanding for Rosa! Shannon said if we don't get there quick, they might do more than breaking Ming vases! And if they don't settle their business with Rosa...well...well just hurry up, okay? I NEED TO MAKE MONEY!"

And with that, she slammed the door behind the really, really slow people who still couldn't comprehend what she had said fast enough.

* * *

"Where is Ushiromiya Rosa?" a fat man in a business suit yelled, shooting uncontrollably at everything he could think of. "The boss wants to see Ushiromiya Rosa right now!"

The servants of the hotel could only fend them off with ordinary hotel equipment that really weren't so effective against guns. Shannon had to borrow Gohda's chopping knife, Gohda had to use his cheese grater, Genji had letter openers, Ronove had sewing needles and Nanjo with his 'undeniably-undeniable-sex-appeal' (which mainly consisted of him wearing cocktail dresses to creep nearly everyone out). It was like a mob fight in the hotel with everything nearly smashed into bits, but there were only two objectives in their minds that they prioritized to their deaths.

Which was to protect Ushiromiya Rosa and that portrait of the legendary (more like missing in action though) Beatrice whom their boss had loved so much.

"Protect the portrait!" Shannon exclaimed, fending off one of her attackers. "Genji-san!"

Genji's eyes widened as he spotted the mobsters aiming for the portrait as an attempt to get them to tell Rosa's whereabouts, but suddenly, the entrance of the hotel burst open to reveal Battler and the rest. They surrounded Rosa like armed bodyguards, but Lambdadelta and Bernkastel were pretty much unfazed at what was happening before them. The blonde-haired wonder merely took out her camera, snapped as many photos as possible and clicked her tongue, to which she dialed Hachijo's number and monotonically said, "My business...is done."

"What are you doing?" Gaap glared at Lambdadelta, obviously horrified. Lambdadelta merely shrugged and kept her camera in its compartment.

"Making money. I ain't rich like all of you here, yanno~ I'm just a mere fifteen-year-old trying to make ends meet by doing all I can~"

"But...aren't you NOT supposed to work, since you're like, fifteen years old?"

"Well, I graduated EARLY from college, remember?" Lambdadelta snickered. "So I'm not abandoning my studies for work. It takes geniuses like _moi_ to earn THIS~." With that, Lambdadelta leaned against one of the pillars and yawned, obviously proud of her past achievements in life.

"But surely that doesn't mean that you have to work for Hachijo," Bernkastel suddenly piped in, her voice laced with apparent jealousy and venom. "No, in fact, you don't have to work at all. My family is rich, and I am rich, so I can finance you for the rest of your life. You don't have to work for that lousy witch anymore, Lambda. Because I am richer than you can ever think of, and I am **_sick of your 'overtime'_** when you're supposed to be back in the hotel or the winery at **5 PM SHARP**."

"Awwwww!~ Bern cares! I was getting worried that you might not care when I work overtime, but it really is sweet of you to care so so so much~~~"

"H-Huh? I-I didn't say that..."

And Gaap could only blink.

"What do you want?" Rosa stepped up, pushing her little daughter Maria behind her so harshly that Battler and Beato had to catch the little thing. The mobsters suddenly halted everything that they were doing, went up to Rosa and crunched their knuckles, trying to intimidate the youngest daughter of the Ushiromiya family. Rosa was gritting her teeth, obviously not happy at what had happened to her father's hotel. The draperies were torn, the walls were shot, there were multiple bullet marks on the ceiling and worst of all, she could feel her stress go up. Again.

What if Kinzo, Krauss, Eva and Rudolf came back and saw all this?

Holy shit.

Rosa felt as if the earth could swallow her up whole somehow.

"Well well, if it isn't Ushiromiya Rosa herself...You are Ushiromiya Rosa, aren't you?" the burly man scratched his head in confusion.

"Yes. DOESN'T THE BROWN, STRAIGHT, HIME-CUT HAIR SCREAM USHIROMIYA ROSA TO YOU?" Rosa exploded, clenching her fists in frustration as she trembled with rage. "Now what do you want? What's so important that you had to RANSACK MY FATHER'S HOTEL?"

"Oh Rosa, you don't have to be so angry. I preferred you sweet and quiet when you were in high school."

A smooth voice came from behind the men at the reception, to which Rosa immediately had her guard up. Battler immediately spread his arms defensively to shield Beato and the others, but Lambdadelta and Bernkastel still remained as spectators of a really tense show. Rosa tried to make out the person who had said that in her mind since she had heard that voice before, but she couldn't put her finger on it. She knew that it was familiar though, and as she tried and tried to remember...

Wait.

How the hell did this person know that she was a quiet little girl in high school?

...

...No...

...Could it be...

"I-It can't be..." Rosa shivered, pointing accusingly at the figure walking right towards her. "Y-You can't be him!"

"But Rosa," the man grinned. "It is me. THE 19TH PRINCIPAL OF YOUR HIGH SCHOOL, 19 YEARS AGO! And to spare your questions, dear Rosa, I've come back to destroy this pretty little island of yours because of your little one-man rebellion against me 19 YEARS AGO!"

And from that moment on, Rosa felt like dying.

* * *

In the Vaux Bernardus/Knox/Wright residence, the mother of Willard H. Wright and Dlanor A. Knox, Clair Vaux Bernardus was cleaning her house.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm back on Rokkenjima Hotel with a special uwoooo~

Actually, the plot here was based on a dream that I had, xDDD It was really insane, and I can't squeeze everything in one chapter, so I think it might be divided into three parts at most, xD. And the 19th principal from 19 years ago *snicker* is based on the man from 19 years ago, who tormented Natsuhi, xDDDD Yet again, everyone else is OOC, and Battler and Beato has only what, two sentences at most? Hahahaha xD It's mainly a focus arc on Rosa for this one tho~

Thank you so much for reading this weird chapter, xDDDD And thanks so much for reading Mendacium Speculorum as well, xD. The next chapter might come up soon ^^

-Densetsu-no-Maguro.

**_19 YEARS!_**


End file.
